641 days,
one by one and they are adding up slowly but surely
so I am checking in for the first time for a few weeks, now on 665 days gamble free and it feels like great progress but I am very aware of the addiction and addictive traits still being there
I need, by the end of February to have lined up time with a counsellor or something to that equivalent
I still have lots of drama inmy life, mostly as a result of my addiction and or the addictive traits.
I found myself staring at a scratchcard whilst paying for shopping the other day, almost out of body type staring, I tried to ask myself what I was thinking - if that makes sense - and I don't know really but I did have a passing dream of having 'money' i.e. of winning the jackpot - feels dangerous for that thought to be there but equally surely there is an element of 'normality' in having that thought. pleasingly there was no part of me that wanted to break that seal. I was then reading 'mumsnet' - procrastinating again - and found myself getting angry at the number of people recommending matched betting - then had thoughts of doing that 'with my wife' - her cards/ sign up details etc, with her there just to boost funds a little - just crazy crazy thoughts and again I don't think I had any intention of actually suggesting it and I'm kind of pleased that I am aware of my thought but equally it makes me feel very very tired.
I do read lots on the forum but also find it hard to see and read the repetition, new names, new people, new stories - same traits.
this addiction is an absolute a**e, it really is but whilst I am a gambling addict, for today I will choose to not gamble, just as I have for the previous 664 days.
665 days, just read some harrowing stories on the forum, the damage we cause to others is staggering. I never want to be that person again
Brilliant, well done you
thank you Marypoppins
671 days gamble free, its a good 671 days
Thankyou
673 days
still going, just one by one
Aaarrrggghhhh to Mad-Max’s post huh (headbang a walk several times emoji)...I flagged it & wrote a big long spiel concurring with you but the GamCare police got me yesterday for something I posted last Thursday (admittedly a tad passive aggressive but in my mind fully justifiable, of course, not to mention extremely tame) so I deleted it coz I’m on my best behaviour 🙂
Great to see your footprints around the site & congrats on your ongoing recovery - ODAAT
ODAAT - thank you and yeds totally argh!!!
just a quick check in, 680 days of gamble freeness, don't know why but looking forward to reaching 700, but first to tackle the ones between now and then!
still need to arrange further help/ support/ investigating into my addiction, been too long since last counselling session and havent booked the next one yet
May spend ten minutes just looking at housing options though, getting close to the potential time to apply for a mortgage - a mortgage acceptance would probably make me cry!
696 days gamble free
Aside from the longer term financial implications of my past decision, it is most certainly my mental health and subsequently my relationships that have been impacted with the longest lasting effect.
Nearly 700!
I hope life is treating you better. I am reading your story. Half way through..
Bella xx
Thank you chasing rainbows! life is much much better than it was 698 days ago - not sure it's worth trawling through my insane ramblings though! thanks for the post
best wishes
No idea why but I have been looking forward to reaching 700 days, I guess it means I have two years in my sights now - first though to make the decision during day 707 to not gamble
I am an addicted gambler, yet today I will choose to not gamble
Congratulations on passing the 700 day mark! Hope your life contibues to improve and your search for a new home is going well.
Best wishes
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