7 months of not gambling only to return.

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Secret♡
(@secret-2)
Posts: 192
 

Your doing great Dave, nearly a hundred days, keep it up x

 
Posted : 7th August 2021 9:02 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

101 days gamble free 

 
Posted : 12th August 2021 12:51 am
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

? 101 Days Gamble-Free ?

Congratulations Dave on your excellent progress.

Aum ?

 
Posted : 12th August 2021 7:01 am
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

@aum @secretaddict thanks for the support guys. Please excuse my late replies 

 
Posted : 18th August 2021 4:00 am
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Day 112: still gamble free but questioning my behaviour recently. No motivation for redoing my cv and applying for jobs but still saving for a house. I believe my job is safe at the moment but I know I just need to move on and apply myself to life a bit better.

this past weekend has been a colossal waste of time as I was going to get the brakes on my car checked and sorted, update my cv and apply for a few jobs. Which in turn turned into being a total slob and drinking most of the weekend away when instead I could of spent it with family instead or my girlfriend.

this has all been down to myself and feeling of current events in the news in regards to afghan. I can’t really put it into words how I feel which is rather strange and werid for myself as I would normally vent with poetry. Am I angry about it all, a little bit but mostly it’s been sadness from my feelings about it all. 

I guess another problem I have is the fact I do own some tokens in a project which I helped and have followed over the past 4ish years and I seem to be spending to much time going over that at the moment which kind of contradicts my stance on trading and gambling. I guess in away I don’t see myself owning those tokens as a gamble but it can easily be seen as I am. Really I need to just forget about them and focus on my own future.

I just hope I am not hurting my friends or family with my behaviour currently by not spending time with them this weekend. Anyways I have a few plans moving forward so I just need to act upon them.

Thanks for reading

dave101

 
Posted : 22nd August 2021 4:54 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Well I am back to day one again after trading again, my mind is in that zone of I don’t care but fortunately it wasn’t a massive hit to myself ( £250) I just hope I can get my brain out of that zone again and enjoy tomorrow with my niece and nephew.

this was my choice and of course a bad one to make physiologically over the past week I have been hit hard with depression in more way than one from different angles.

just need to get my a*s up and get on with things now

 

thanks for reading 

 
Posted : 26th August 2021 4:31 pm
Secret♡
(@secret-2)
Posts: 192
 

Sorry to hear about your relapse. But as the saying goes *we go again* you can do this ? 

 
Posted : 27th August 2021 7:00 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Thanks secret, I have had a wonderful weekend over my brothers birthday and just let go of what happened that day. It’s the first time I have watching my trade on my chart and just gone screw this closed my trade and said I don’t want this. So luckily this whole weekend has been with my girlfriend and family and it’s been awesome. My mind hasn’t been completely focused on gambling or trading.

I guess I am look forward to next weekend and heading home for some space by my self. Unfortunately my shift has changed at work this week so I am back on days. So I have had to alter some arrangements this weekend and I am going to have to be tighter with money as I am not earning as much. Anyways I am some what focused moving out and jobs and that’s all I can do at the moment and play a few computer games too. 

Thanks for commenting 

kind regards

dave101

 
Posted : 30th August 2021 1:18 pm
captain46
(@captain46)
Posts: 1226
 

Hi Dave

I dont subscribe to this 'back to day one' thing - its a really negative way of looking at a recovery - you have climbed about 120 steps up a mountain with your gamble free days, you have slipped on some wet ground on one day, so its one slip out of 120 - look at it like that, so what if it becomes say 2 slips in 240 days, still huge improvement, still climbing the mountain, still looking out at a great view.

Chin up.

Captain 

 
Posted : 30th August 2021 6:47 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Thanks captain, you are correct it was 120 days of freedom for one slip. I am glad my mind didn’t want to put up with my addictive behaviour and I walked out of it before a spiral.

7 days have gone now gamble free the time does go quickly.

 

dave101

 
Posted : 1st September 2021 3:12 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

So 12 days in now, I question my state of mind in regards to things recently, fixated on a old project in which I own tokens and currency. 

to be honest I need to just move away from it all, I guess a good highlight recently is I have found a game/s that I genuinely enjoy playing and I am on game 2 after completing the first in the series. The puzzles can be easy or hard I guess. Ironically my mind didn’t like some of it but it was rewarding when completing the tasks in the games.

thankfully I haven’t come across any gambling aspects in the game I guess for the odd educated guess is as close as I could get to that being gambling if you can say that it was.

plans at the weekend changed just gone because I believe my car is some what unsafe at the moment and the brakes need sorting so I have saved some money from last weeks wages to pay for the inspection. Luckily I have savings for any issues which is alright.

i feel guilty at the moment as I feel I am moving further apart from my girlfriend mainly due to her working the past couple of weekends so hopefully this weekend coming can bring us back together potentially.

I guess the real issue is the void in my life which a small game has helped me escape the potentials of gambling, I just hope I don’t crack all 5 games by the end of the week.

house stuff on hold really due to saving up for a potential deposit

my other passion which is poetry is ongoing but private, I mean i don’t have much of a audience and even with some posts I ll be luckily to get a like or comment on it. 

educational side of things I think I am heading in the right direction at the moment and opening up my mind, just need to rewire it.

thanks for reading

dave101 12 days gamble free

 
Posted : 6th September 2021 10:04 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Well I have a viewing this Wednesday at a flat/ property and I am just hoping I can find parking for it if me and my girlfriend go for it. Feel slightly uneasy about it but I will check it out anyways.

my car bill estimate came though last Friday and it was a eye watering bill of 1.5k which I paid today to have the work done this weekend. I feel some what fleeced but I guess I have paid now and I hope nothing else goes wrong with my car for at least another year.

I ended up finishing my puzzle game series and hopefully moving on to another to keep my dogs turning, I also went swimming on Sunday and have a session booked for Tuesday too which I enjoyed. I didn’t realise how strong my arms are now when I was in the fast lane the whole 45 mins doing lengths without having to stop much to rearrange my goggles.

gambling wise I really haven’t thought about it, only today I have due to having funds moved for the car from my dads account and I thought gosh I am paying this straight away so I don’t have this thought over my head.

anyways I am doing ok but still keep searching transactions on that project above, in my mind it’s just some thing to check but I know I get a buzz from it in a way. So I ll have to just be careful.

 

dave101 19 days game free

 
Posted : 13th September 2021 4:53 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

28 days gamble free and I welcome the length but take to each day by day.

I have been wanting to get on with life but also hit hard by my own laziness to do some thing better for myself e.g walking, exercise etc. The key for me is exercise and I bloody know it! I also feel I just want to move into any place but I can’t do that because my girlfriend has a cat! Some times I just want to move out without my girlfriend because there are always hurdles in the way. Location, no pets, no parking, nothing affordable for some thing long term and be able to save for a potential deposit. 

I am genuinely not happy with my situation as I feel I am putting pressure on my own family but I relieve that by sending money to my father to save for a potential deposit. I am lucky but also feel I have over stayed my welcome even tho I don’t get that as a hint in anyway.

I swear I am going to sit down with my girlfriend and just tell her this is what I am doing because she hasn’t made calls or done any viewings of places and I have been doing viewings knowing full well we can’t get the place because of her cat. Ironically a cat I have never met due to her circumstances and living with her mother who horde stuff. 

so I have never been in her house for 3.5 years and I am here now thinking w*f. She says are relationship needs to move on we need to move into a place and I am like well what happens if it doesn’t work out. ( I highly doubt it) but it just makes me feel I should just move out by myself and I have mentioned this before and she doesn’t want that and ideally neither do I but the situation has gone on for so long I need to move on and out my parents bloody house. 

job wise I have applied to a new place with the best intentions but I doubt I will get it even if I get too the formal interview. my current job is a bit slow at the moment and I know I can achieve more in regards to work, it reminds me of my past jobs saying hay why don’t you apply for lead or like today some was was wondering why I am working where I am working now And I am like well I am happy at the moment and make my own moves in my own time.

anyways this is just a rant, I guess it’s nice to have non gambling problems than having gambling on top of that as well.

I guess on the flip side of my phycological barriers I am starting to wear thin with the project I have been following, I just need to forget about it!

anyways thanks for reading 

dave101 out

 
Posted : 22nd September 2021 8:51 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Day 52

i am still gamble free and have been reading peoples forum posts lately, one that has been on my mind for some time was some one who said you can’t trust a gambling addict. To a certain extent this is very true in terms of safe keeping or access to money. It reminds me of only one time I took money without consent from a family members and it wasn’t a lot but still the action speaks volumes into my own morality and ethical morals.

I guess that be a lesson for myself that I can’t be trusted in the thick and grip of a gambling binge, even tho this was a very long time ago I am glad I haven’t turned into a vile person because of this addiction, more so a lonely one with zero friends most of my life.

my life is currently on hold at the moment due to a job application process in which I have made a decision on both outcomes which ever they will be and moving on with my life. I can’t keep holding myself back at the moment due to others (mainly my girlfriend ) I talked to her about my posts and gam care and she really wanted interested and didn’t understand that my actions of the past have affect are future and doesn’t see that it has. She’s either ignorant of it but does care that I get help.

I mean I read a lot of posts from partners on this forum that say they talk to there partner regularly about their gambling problem and it hurts to know that mine just thinks it’s some one else’s problem to solve. I guess I just feel I am not getting the support I need from loved ones at the moment which is mainly my girlfriend.

we had a nice weekend tho together which included Christmas shopping at a garden centre which already sells Christmas decorations. I just wanted to crash my car into all the shelves with Christmas stock when I was there. once again I love spending time with her and she opens me up a lot but I am still in a state of flux on what to do.

I guess this job application process will define either way as I will need to move out what ever the result and that will put pressure on my relationship with her. 

anyways I don’t feel hopeful in myself and dealing with a normal I am not used too in regards to mood with my bipolar I guess I am just mentally lazy and not wanting to make hard choices

anyways I will keep posting, joking and not gambling.

dave101

 
Posted : 17th October 2021 5:47 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 294
Topic starter
 

Well I ended up trading again like a idiot, told my girlfriend today in which she said I need to go back to physical ga meeting again in which I will be for sure. I am finding gamcare website not as helpful as before and suspect the lay out and organisation of it not very helpful for replies to threading or following people to see there progress abs support them through there journey.

I have replied to a number of posts and do not get a notification even when I subscribe to a thread. It’s pretty sad but I have only let down myself for what I have done recently. I know I can express myself in person and better at a GA physical meeting.

 

even the weeks leading up to me trading I felt so depressed am I am surprised this didn’t happen sooner. I guess the absence of alcohol has dulled me down a lot and I haven’t filled that void with anything. I still feel empty and wondering on what to do next with myself. I guess at least now I am ready for my job application which is on Monday.

I guess I could work harder on my poetry and refine my passion there. Anyways if anyone’s reading, feel free to comment as I doubt anyone is currently. 

dave101 out. 

 
Posted : 1st November 2021 6:24 pm
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