Evening all,
I have chosen to write my thoughts down here because this has always felt like a safe space over the past 430 successful days of being gamble free.
My life is good. I no longer choose to gamble. I run my own business helping others in football. I am always fully booked and have been for the past 3/4 years straight. I have a loving girlfriend. I have both my parents who love me. I live financially comfortably nowadays.You get the jist.
Despite all of the above which I consider myself grateful for, I just can’t seem to light my spark these past few weeks. I feel like everyday is becoming the same routine. I feel unmotivated to complete simple tasks like tidying a messy room for months now; I even feel unmotivated and lazy to brush my teeth before bed ?.
I am usually a very self-driven and motivated personality. My job insists of inspiring others, and I am fully booked up for a reason. But why am I struggling so badly with myself?
Is it because deep down I am resisting a big urge to gamble for ‘the buzz’? To rebel and change my daily routine?
I accept what I am going through isn’t permanent, it will prove to be temporary…but that doesn’t stop me wanting to find the answers and solutions to get out of this draining feeling.
It’s worth pointing out how proud I feel writing the fact I haven’t gambled in 430 days. Wow. My 500 day milestone is in sight…
Does anyone else feel similar emotions even when things in life appear to be good?
Hi azzabazza totally understand what you are describing. I'm 655 days gamble free of a 30 year addiction & yes at times the gaps left that gambling used to fill can leave you feeling empty but just stay strong drive on through it & search for anything to fill that void in your life. It seriously is the only way forward for us.
Hi
It is great news having 430 successful days of being gamble free.
During that time, you were living in less fear, you were not causing yourself more pains, and life has so much more healthy things we can do with our time.
For me there were times I missed the adrenaline rush, the buzz and the highs yet what was the price I paid for those years of self-abuse.
Yes, to write down your thoughts and feelings down is very healthy.
You are opening yourself up to more opportunities and healthier challenges.
Yes, for me being in the recovery program was a much safer place to be.
Your life is healthier and very much better and good.
Why put all your hard work in the past at risk.
I no longer need want or choose to gamble.
The further from my last bet the more chances I have of being more successful in myself.
Yes, to be so grateful for some so much more healthier choices in my life today why put all of that at risk today.
The same healthy routine is far more better and healthier than self-destruction being consumed by my addictions and obsessions.
Yet in the recovery we extend our self by having every growing healthier goals.
In the recovery I did not stand still I kept doing more with my life each day.
You feel unmotivated to complete simple tasks this is procrastination often by doing this we are cheating our self from getting things done.
By writing down my needs my wants and my goals things each day is our commitment to our self and progress.
I was only tidying a messy room for other people and not for myself.
Do I not value myself?
Brushing our teeth is looking after our self.
Showing how we value our self in so many more ways.
It is important to be inspiring towards our self.
Both nurturing and encouraging towards our self.
For me the buzz was a self-destructive adrenaline rush where I was putting myself and others at risk.
To take up more healthy habits each day and change our daily routine?
It was important to understand my emotional triggers and deal with them in healthy ways.
Being proud is the reward for exchanging all of our unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
Sitting on my hands doing nothing was not healthy for me.
Dealing with our emotions and feelings in a healthy way is the path to our healthy recovery.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
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