2021 MY AMBLE TOWARDS THE NOT GAMBLE

Hi al, thanks a lot you fill me with confidence Everytime you pop by.  Was up at seven, getting everything done at work, was a fire alarm yesturday and firemen called out, I now know how to turn off the fire alarm and can show firemen round to the point of the fire when needed... 

Work is going well, more than happy with my role, it's a lovely day and get to watch spurs in Europe tonight!!!.....  Got to be in at seven am tomo as I've ordered some gases and their due in so an early morning but should Finnish half three for the weekend.

I'm saving so another very quiet weekend of relaxing .. ..will watch midday kick off sat, go for a walk and I've got some DVDs which will come in handy now plus Netflix.

All the best Adam xxx

Here we go again, another week negotiated, back to the weekend ....

I was suppost to be on holiday on Friday but my managers got covid now so I said I'd come in....   Didn't think anything of it but on Friday I got pulled over by theatre manager, the director and matron and they said a super well done for this week and a thank you for coming in on my holiday day.  Now it's just a simple thing saying thank you but it meant a lot to me and really cheered me up.

I'm saving my money by trying to spend zero this month so it's a quiet weekend for me this week.  Watched star wars last night, then the football today, another film on Netflix then got my hair cut by my mum.

Just plodding along thru life at the mo.....but striving to get noticed at work and do my best.

I think it's working at work..... I'm currently working at department that used to have 75 hours a week with 31 hours lol.....I'm doing it pretty well....so no wonder they are happy..... Saving them lots.  Well they pay 61 as my managers on sick pay but he's not there so technically using 31.

Worked out for all my furniture and tech for flat I should need 2.7k..... so will dent my savings substantially but it's a one off payment and shouldn't need to purchase much else for flat so it's worth it..... Plus want to get things I want.

Went down hove today to meet a friend for a bit, was pretty nice, then watched spurs lose boooooo, hen watched liverpool rinse, brought my fant foty team from last 12th position up to 6th in one weekend, 42 points for salah as my cptin was a savvy decision/.

Looking forward to another week at work, things are going super well and im happy there, it's a job i can do and do well, i get praised and and valued at work and i m grateful for that.

Not long 6 weeks till i get my flat now horray.

Been looking at flooring im thinking herringbone? expensive but hopefully i can get something that looks like ti but cheaper.  any ideas?....then sofas decided on and furniture to be decided when im in.....

yep just 6 weeks left.... should go quickly....

also six weeks till im off for xmas and new year... and when i should get down to my target weight...weighed myself today and its gone up again... really yoyoing but all good things take time dont they.

Had a fw coffess today so still a bit wired.... think ill go to bed soon

nigh t night

all the best adam xxx

Weekly weigh in tomo but weighed myself this morning and it was a shocking 13.45, so i went for a walk this afternoon and ate dinner then weighed myself a minut ea ago and im only 13.5 so only gone up .5 pounds in the day after eating lunch and dinner so thats good.  Howver im not making any inroads in my target and theres only lieke six weeks left.  I feel like ive got to increase my walking at work and at home..... altho its mainly the food thats hindering me not the amount of walking.... i walked 5.4k today, i walked about 5k everyday this week.... its just i had some free desserts that were offered to me during the week and had snacks again when i got ome from work.... its not the main meals that impacting as ive cut donw on the carbsand increased the protein and veggies.....

So more of the same next week just no desserts and snacks again..... if i can that is...

I've put 100 pounds on a sainsburys card for food.... im going to put another 100 pounds on next month and the same in december... that means when it comes to jan ive got food money in the bank for when im on my own..

I've managed to save a lot of money over the last few years.... especially over the last six months.... ive been spending less and less over the past few years and its really helping what i owe my parents and my mortgage......  Im thinking im going to work for the next few years then take a few months off as sobatical to chill in my flat maybe three motnhs or something to look forward to.

Theres a guy at work who retired at 65 had a year off work but got bored so started working part time at the hospital.... not because he needs to but it fills the time... i think ill do that as well and work for as long as i can.  Help out.  Itll keep me entertained for a few days a week.

Going to the cinema tomo, ive treated a friend to a ticket and going to see dune.... should be good.... ill get a coffee and some popcorn and treat myself to this entertainment.  ill post tom o on what it was like.

Weighed myself today for my weekly Sunday weigh in and it's better than yesturday 13.35. still up on previous week due to desserts during week at work..... I won't have them again..... Just off to cinema I'll post later probably

Well here I am 700 days without a single bet......100 weeks in...... I am as resolute now towards not gambling as I was on day 1 and that means a lot.

Cinema yesturday was amazing..... Really enjoyed it.

Work wise my manager is off still looks like it might be another week..... With this in mind I've started looking at the porters applications and have got one frontrunner in my opinion in tomo for an interview.

Looks like I'll be working another holiday day on Friday..... Oh well I'll take it back soon I hope.

Weight wise I'll keep going with my diet and weigh again next Sunday.

It's footy on tv this week plus new series of start up on Netflix to watch..... Lovely.

All the best roll on the two year mark.

Adamxxx

I have actually had a bet in that time....I bet on a tv comp.... To win tickets to the euros final...... But I've just had the one bet in 700 days so I'm happy with that

I've controlled my gambling since August 2018 but have gambled playing poker untill December 2019.....  I'm pretty chuffed with not gambling since then.... But remembering now that I've gambled on that tv comp in my gamble free days makes me think I should now change my start gamble free days date to the england Croatia game on the 13th June 21.... As it is a gamble..... I'm not really counting the days anyway, the days are more of a sign that I'm coming a long way..... I like to think I've been in control since my breakdown in August 2018 where I really saw the light and stopped drinking and took to change my lifestyle..... That was the real turning point for me.... All the best Adam xxx

The thing is I got carried away with the footy that day and completely forgot it was gambling.....but as soon as it came on the tv I got excited.... The possibility of winning those tickets....the endorphins went thru my body and I bet..... As soon as I'd done it I realized it was gambling and I regretted it and then thought why not gamble more etc....that's how counting the days can be flawed in my opinion... But in my opinion it's not how may days you've not gambled for that counts the most it's the time you've spent with ur new lifestyle away from the problems that were caused by ur problem gambling..... As long as you stay away from the problem gambling and live a more healthy lifestyle you are succeeding on here.... So I'm on day 142 today now. But my new lifestyle away from problem gambling started on the 30th of august 2018 when I had an episode was signed off work with stress, stopped drinking and realized something had to give and from then onwards my life got better and better..... I think it's the exact time as Al on here we saw the light and the rest is history......  Let's count the days in a different way?

Adam you are doing great so please don't worry yourself over a silly football competition you entered on the telly 4 months ago.

You need to focus your mind on your exemplary performance in many aspects of your life over the last couple of years.

1/ You have matured into a man of integrity, with ideals and ambitions who accepts responsibility for his actions

2/ You are honest, trustworthy and hard working.

3/ You are intelligent, methodical and supportive to those you come into contact with.

?

However, the addiction will never recognise your achievements or give you any praise but will try to belittle and confuse you by drawing your attention to things that are minor, imaginary or simply inconsequential. 

The addiction critisises me on a regular basis and I am of the belief, that it does so to try and get me back gambling. 

Well that is not going to happen because I am wise to it. The advice I have received from gamcare friends  has made me aware of the pitfalls and has given me the strength & understanding which is enabling me to remain gamble-free. 

We are going forward Adam, one day at a time and nothing is going to stop us.

Aum ?

Another week has gone by with no gambling....

Another week with manager off work sick.  Doing really well at work..... Really enjoying it to be fair..... Touch wood everything's going smoothly.....

I've spent Friday night after I went to bonfire night writing something to go in the weekly bulletin at work... It's about our carbon footprint and improving the recycling.... I put a few recycling jokes in it as well to keep it lighthearted..... But it's an important issue.

Went to bonfire night last night then my sister came over today..... Has been nice.....

And haven't spent a penny.... Was going for a coffee tomo with a friend but he wants to borrow some money and I promised myself I wouldn't lend him money as he just gambles it....

So gonna watch mission impossible fallout again now and look at my finances then do my tax return tomo.....

Diet has gone out window again..... Oh well.

All the best Adam xxx

Hi Mate,

You're doing good & you know by lending your friend money which he'll be probably gamble isn't a good idea. You're a kind lad with a good heart, but remember to lend money to a gambler is to become their enabler, After almost 2 years GF & being here since 2015 let the wisdom of of your journey prevail.

If he's as bad as you say the best thing you can do for him is to point him in the right direction to get the help & support he clearly needs. Think back to the height of your addiction & someone lent you money, knowing what you know now would that have helped you ?. What's best, easing his withdrawal symptoms for one day & watching him continue on the path of destruction or showing him a way out of the hell hole you & I had become so familiar with.

Best

Al

Thanks Al yeah it's good to think I'm not enabling him.

Productive weekend.  Like I said before I've written something for the wob at work, been to bonfire night, my sister came over, watched mission impossible fallout, listened to spurs game, submitted my annual tax return then watched Liverpool game..... All in all a great weekend.

There's been some new starters on the chat forum lately so been trying to give advice.

Also been looking at my finances and the last 39 months I've smashed it.... Really chuffed with how it's going....

Work has been going great been getting some awesome feedback...

Weight wise is the only struggle feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of putting the effort in and making tiny progress over a month only to put it all back on again after a poor week.... Oh well my belly looks like it's staying .

Should get the last statement from the letting agent in next few days....hoping there's not too many deductions then it's the sixth december get the flat..... Really loving it....

All the best Adam xxx

Hi diary im back, another week lived, here i am.  Was a bit run down at the end of this week as ive been thinking a lot about work, my ocd in that respect seems to have come back and im overthinking everything.

So ive beeen sleeping later this week going to bed and getting to sleep about two am with voices .  So i went to bed after a busy week last night 2am then slept till 3pm lol. must have really needed it as feel soo muchbetter.

Works going great with my manager off.... We have a weekly pulse survey well actually its every motnh or so it surveys all the staff about how theyre feeling and how their managers are supperting them and wther they are tried anthusiastic etc.  Now on wednesday the chief people person who just under the ceo sent a message out about how all staff are saying they are tired and theyre are lots of vacancies they acant fill so people are getting even more tired like the poreter position im working doubly hard each week to make up for the fact theres no one to hire.  So i read it and it made quite depressing reading... so i impulsivly sent this lady jane a message saying they should think iabout offering  a free meal each day you work, it would energise the staff, they would socialise more at work, they wouldnt work thru their break, its good way to intice new applicants as a new benefit and it wouldnt cost mhuch.... and most importantly it would give us ENERGY!!!

So i sent it and then i thought oh no next ill be emailing the ceo haha... but the next day she sent me a great message back saying she would put it forward as a good idea!!! and i thought great it was worth it.

Then later that evening i thought it could be a good idea to put together a joke /funny pulse survey but ask funny questions about members of staff and keep it light hearted to bring back some positive thoughts to the staff and make the m think its not so bad working for our ospital.. So i rote a presentation at 2am and emailed it over (couldnt sleep lol).  Then when i wne tin next day matron and the marketing manager had sent me an email wanting a meeting at 130pm in the meeting room.  They said it was the funniest and best idea they had ever seen they loved it.  They said if i can think about it over theweekend and they would make an actual survey for the staff to fill in with my funny questions!!!! horray

So ive been bust at home doing that.  They said if i want i can do the weekly bulletin for the hospital!!!

I've put some jokes about the staff (nice complementary ones) and hospital jokes in it and made the staff think about the positives of working there rather than the fact theyre tired... well thats what i hope anyway... we will see what happens.

Weve decided on a new porter with my help in the interviews (manager sill off), he should be great , hes just got to have the dbs check which normally takes a few weeks then he will start.

Ive been emailing work at all hours and not switching off so tomo ill have a lie in again and try to think about films and music for the day no footy on.  Then im going to make sure i only send emails during work hours so im not pesturing people and i get more home time.

Not long till my hliday now.  ive got this friday and next friday off then another week then i get my flat back and im off for three weeks horray.

Sorted out the presents im giving my nephews, neice today ill get two switch games for the boys plus ive already got a present for my neice( a make belive play docters thing).

Really feel positive about life at the mo... loving work (getting a lot more responsibility) and a lot more praise (which goes along way with me), loving home life and my time off and looking forward to pastures new.

Had voices last night but i can cope with them now.  Getting my doctor and xmas gifts of somes chocolates for her help this year.  I really am well supported... soo much so that ive not seen my psyciatric doctor all year, so i must be doing well!!!

Weight wise not soo good but im prett yfine with that just one objective failed this year of the many i had on the go.

All the best Adam xxx

Hello diary, thought I'd post as I'm having a great time of it lately.

Caught up with my sleep yesturday after a busy weekend.

Survey was emailed out to everyone last night....  Today 35 people have done it Soo far.... Lots of good feedback.... Even the director sent out a message to everyone saying it really cheered her up this morning.

Some of my other ideas are also coming into fruition regarding bins and recycling.....

All this work thinking has temporarily made me forget I'm moving soon!!!!  Only three weeks till I get my flat now.

Just watching a film.... Then get some good sleep again and rest for another big day....

All the best Adam xxx