2021 MY AMBLE TOWARDS THE NOT GAMBLE

Hi Lou, Hi roch, Many thanks for the posts, it fills me with joy...... Another great weekend was had.

Spent friday night and saturday relaxing, then sunday went on a four hour roundtrip to a friends to watch the big game......  We lost the game but we didnt deserve any better they were the better team thats for sure....  However i still didnt have a gamble on it, didn't drink, didnt smoke.....Still had a great time.

Had voices saturday night and took some medication....But i was in a good place and it didnt affect me the next day which was great.

Today i woke up and felt like shopping for the first time in a while (lockdown not permitting of course)....So i went to town mask on of course... Went to the charity shops and bought 13 dvds all for four pounds....Then bought a wolly hat that i needed for a while in the sale 7 pounds.....then bought a wallet for five pounds.... then i sw a thick jacket style checked shirt i liked the look of in the sale 69 quid down to 40 pounds.....Now thats a big purchase for me so i thought no....Then when i got back home i thought what the hell so i went back and got it.....Now if i cant treat myself i thought.....I really like it its nice and warm and made of wool.

Then got home and my sister called and my niece hade fallen down the stairs and hit her head.....  So my parents phoned my brother in law and he was in hospital already as he has broken his collar bone...It doesnt rain ey.  So my parents are over there now looking after the kids so my sister can take my niece to the hospital i think....Then they will have to pick up my brother in law i guess too....  Its all happening.

Then ive just taken my first covid test of the week and im still a negative which is great.

So back to work tomo.....hopefully fresh as a daisy....think ill wait for them to get back before bed to see whats occuring.

Ive just read back my objectives and it seems ive indvertenly failed on one today.  I was aiming to not buy any new clothes as we are in throw away nation.  This was the first time in a full year ive purchased any new clothes from a shop, i was aiming to just buy second hand clothes to stop the waste, however i saw a nice wolly hat and shirt in a sale.  Now it's not the end of the world that i bought these but it goes to show that i need to keep a tight track of all my objectives as i sometimes act impulsively.

Ill be keeping these new items but will think carefully before purchasing any more new items as to whether i really need them....I do need some walking shoes and will get these new as shoes have to fit very well and worn ones just arent any good.

As for the rest of my objectives im doing great.....Im working on my health.....Im taking advantage of the easing of lockdown rules by visiting friends each weekend.... And im not succumbing to any vices....

Long may this continue.... Heres to a successful 2021 and toasting to out success on new years at home on here......

Hi diary,

Think ive been going slightly over the top with socialising since the easing of lockdown....i've been out every weekend this month and spent in one month 200 quid half what i spent in the last year.  Its good to do things whilst allowed to and enjoy ourselfs before any more restrictions come in but i think ill aim to do less in may and june.  I'm meeting friends at pub this saturday then ill have a weekend at home the next weekend, then visiting a frien weekend after then another weekend at home then my birthday weekend (you only turn 40 once so will celebrate (or commiserate lol) turning the big 40.  As i dont do and vices i feel i can afford to do more of what i like but in moderation.  

Each year ive aimed to half my spending of the year before.  After bills i spent £8612 2015-2016, £6775 2016-2017, £4326 2017-2018, £2466 2018-2019, £1717 2019-2020 and £472 2020-2021.  Now its been dramatic improvements each year with each vice ive given up dramatically reducing the amount ive spent.  Then last year with lockdown and not being able to do anything ive dramtically spent virtually nothing.....Now this year i did think can i go the whole year spending 200 pounds or less or even virtually nothing.....But this first month ive got excited and spent 200 pounds already which in the first month is half what i spent last year.  Ive also made a lot of plans do the next two months will be expensive and its my 40th so id like to pay for a few things.  Id also like a new tv and xbox (maybe) to play blueray dvds and games with my nephews and that will be 800 quid gone.......  I feel with this year ive got to realise that last year was a strange year and there are no more vices to give up.....Ive not even been paying for the gym as it was frozen and then cancelled.....  

I feel im being too strict on myself, i need to enjoy myself after last year and i need to spend money to do that.....It doesnt mean ill totally throw the budgeting out the window.  I reckon if i aim to spend 200 a motnh after bills for the year including the 800 for the xbox and tv then i will have done well....

Thinking about my spending and about how the last couple of days ive had fleeting thoughts about ending my gamstop and playing a bit of poker, it shows me how well taking one vice at a time and one year by year ive improved my health and my finances at the same time....  I cant be complacent and think rosily about gambling.... I cant become complacent.  I  do however feel that i cant become too regemented to my health i need treats i need socialising i need to spend money to do this..... And 30 pounds a month just doesnt cut it.  At the end of this year i'd like to sit back look at my diary and think to myself wow ive done it, ive done a great year, 2021 was brilliant.....  What will that year look like no vices tick lighter and healthier tick helping the environment tick socialising with friends and family tick 

Were probably always going to have them thoughts. I also think the same sometimes but its good you recognise importance of not being complacent as well  thats why i want to extend my gamstop now rather than when it runs out so i dont have the opportunity. Because if we started even with 'just 1' game we wouldnt stop untill we lost it all and we would feel rubbish after 

Lou xX

Hi Adam Lou, I've accepted that the thoughts will come. I don't know how many years you 2 gambled for but for me it was 21years not all of that compulsive gambling, but still half my life was some sort of gambling. I would be fooling myself if I thought after 21years the thoughts would just magically disappear. After all compulsive behaviour is not just confined to gambling , compulsive thoughts have also dogged my life and affected my mental health. For me the thoughts are massively reduced and are rarely intense, I know that Gamstop is a huge protector for me, I never want to get to the point where I think I can control gambling everything I've read on here points to it not being possible for a compulsive gambler. So for me it has to be gamstop always. It's really not worth taking the risk. I accept that thoughts are something I cannot change but I can change what my actions are. As lou said that " rubbish " feeling is awful, I join you both in saying we will do all we can and support each other to never have that feeling again

Yes like you both say we cant control gambling when we do, if we start in a controlled manner it wouldnt give us the buzz and we would up the stakes untill we got that buzz and thats where the problems lie.....

I've had a mixed day today, went to work and started with my manager saying well done for the day before which was nice.  Then later looked at my payslip and the hourly rate had gone up by 13pence which is good but when you realise its only because it has to to come inline with the minimum wage it becomes a sore subject.  I am going to ask for some overtime as i havent had any for a year and i feel well enough.

Shame the pay hasnt been reflecting how hard youve worked adam..its great you feel well enough to do overtime and be good to keep busy but dont push yourself to much its not worth becoming unwell over.

Lou x 

Been out to the pub with friends today......Now over the past few months ive been debating wanting to have a drink, ever since the new jd apple came out ive been thinking i could have a few socially to relax....Now ever since i stopped drinknig in 2018 august bank holiday ive found controlling my gambling much easier.  

I went to the pub today and have seen friends drink and get drugs in like the old days, but unlike the old days there are consequences, home lifes are disrupted, relationships are torn and finances are at the end of a tether as because with age comes responsibility.

Now also what has helped my thoughts today is seing on netflix rocketman today...It tells the story of elton john partying lifestyle whilst he was one and how it almost cost him his life.....He is 28 years sober now and enjoying the fruits of this with a family.

Now it might have been a conincidence seeing all this in one day when ive needed the advice but it maybe that life is leading me the way....  I'd like to live a healthy life.....Ive done the drugs and alcohol thru my youth  and my mental health i dont think could cope with everything that comes with a reckless lifestyle....  So with this in mind im not going to drink in the near future....i wont say forever and thats absolute and only siths deal with absolutes lol......  No just because its too long a time to  deal with days and weeks are the best time to set targets.....  So i wont drink this month may and june and see where i go from there.

Spurs are 4 - 0 up and ve got another day off tomo horray.

Hi diary, done better with my spending this weekend, went to the pub saturday and only spent 8 pounds.  Much better.  Next weekend going to stay in watch spurs midday saturday then i dont think i have any plans for the rest of the weekend.  I have the 15th of may where im going to a friends on the train.  think ill prob spend thirty pounds then, then 28th may a meal 35 pounds last time.  Then meal the next day should spend thirty again.  So  all in all may should cost me 100 and its my 40th birthday so thats pretty good going.  Considering i spent just under 200 in april.  The good thing is we will be able to eat inside the pub on the 2nd meal if its raining. 

Just sent an email to leaders giving my tenants two months notice so hopefully ill be able to start to move into my flat in August....Looks like this year ill be striving towards all my objectives for the year.

Its a big step for me, it will be a huge change after living with my folks for 12 years but if i dont do it i never will and who knows what i will miss.

Hi Adam and this is good news.  Doors will open, literally and metaphorically. 🙂

I have worked in the hospital today as a receptionist for the first time.  I really enjoyed doing something different.  Ive emailed the receptions team leader to say that id like to do it every weekend if possible contracted.  This week has been busy first i had my last physio appointment, then i had my injection, then i sent an email to my doctor to get help reapplying for a pip, then i sent an email giving notice to my tenants for my flat, then paid off a large part of my mortgage, then worked six days this week, its been all go.

Looking forward to a lye in before work tomo.... ill go to be at nine pm tonight and sleep well.

All the best Adam xx

Adam, I just want to say i love reading your posts. they are so normal and casual. You don't post everyday, you post updates in your busy life. I like reading them as they give me a sense of feeling down to earth, a simple blog here but packed full of life. Inspires me to just get on with life and live your best life, what happen happens.

Thanks for the read 🙂