2020 WAYS TO A SUCCESSFUL YEAR

You have suffered a small setback Adam but you have a good understanding of gambling addiction and have proved in the past that you have the courage, integrity and tenacity that is needed to overcome the challenges that we are faced with.

Think positive my friend and be proud of who you are and what you have achieved. 

Do not dwell on past mistakes or allow negative thoughts, ideas and emotions to stand in your way. 

WE ARE gamcare warriors and WE ARE going to live meaningful. productive, happy lives and to do that WE MUST NOT gamble.

Best Wishes

Stephen x 

Stay strong wise one.. You have such discipline and are so supportive.. 

Don't want you to feel like you did yesterday again ?

thanks for the posts Stephen and boo, i really don't feel that strong but am happy that you feel i am, i am strict on myself and that goes a long way to stopping gambling.  Sometimes i do gamble but in reality i gamble very small amounts as i value money too much.   I think it was august 12th 2018 where i lost 300 pounds (until i couldn't take any cash out of machine) that was a huge loss for me and a hell of a lot of money and caused me much stress and heartache, from that date i didn't gamble until my birthday on may 30th 2019, thru that period i got stronger and stronger and felt happier and happier and i remember staying in on new years and thinking how great life is for me with my family, work, no drink, no drugs, no smoking, living a new healthy lifestyle albeit i don't have everything (partner, kids) and more recently ive strived thru life thinking about the not so important things a lot more (MONEY) i mean you need it to live but it brings u nothing but pain to think about.  But i was really happy that Christmas, i think its maturity i guess with age, i don't gamble much now and i feel i have beaten the illness (compulsive gambling) i do enjoy poker in pubs but i feel if im to really enjoy my Christmas and new years again id like to make sure that ive had another gamble free run beforehand, wel really i shouldn't gamble at all and count the days but how many days are enough when u count? i was on 300 ish, if i got to 1000 is that enough ? no its not forever is enough isn't it ? why count.  Like lost said tonight he will never gamble gain as its beaten him, why should i gamble at all it has beaten me yet but i feel strongly that it never will because i will allways stop at pub poker and when i cant get any more money out of cash machine worst case 300, that time was terrible for me and i don't believe i will put myself thru that again.  Ill not take my card out to town for a while to be sure i wont i promise myself that.     

I like to set targets for myself and i will on new years for 2020, but safe to say i wont drink alcohol again, i wont smoke again, ill go to gym a couple of times a month, ill aim to eat healthily (although its my vice and i allow myself that one), so i think new targets will be social targets like eating a meal with friends once a month in 2020, visiting friends more, seing family more, visiting national trust places with family again throughout the year i mean i do it when im unwell but why not do it when im healthy, getting my bmi down (goes with the healthy eating but its literally the only thing health wise i need to work on.  I miht start going to the church because i need a new social activity to do each week as poker isn't good for me.  Stop pub poker on Tuesdays! So actually these are my new lifestyle activities for 2020 so no need to do targets on new years.   

I like to set targets for myself and i will on new years for 2020, but safe to say i wont drink alcohol again, i wont smoke again, ill go to gym a couple of times a month, ill aim to eat healthily (although its my vice and i allow myself that one), so i think new targets will be social targets like eating a meal with friends once a month in 2020, visiting friends more, seing family more, visiting national trust places with family again throughout the year i mean i do it when im unwell but why not do it when im healthy, getting my bmi down (goes with the healthy eating but its literally the only thing health wise i need to work on.  I miht start going to the church because i need a new social activity to do each week as poker isn't good for me.  Stop pub poker on Tuesdays! So actually these are my new lifestyle activities for 2020 so no need to do targets on new years.   

It's great to see targets that are about you and your social life. Make 2020 the year of Adam ?

just on my lunch break, one minute I'm happy next minute the opposite. Just not used to the early mornings. Two more weeks then a week off for holiday! Just got to get to that point.

You will Adam.. And enjoy your week off... ?

Hello much neglected diary not wrote in u for a while, in a reflected mood this afternoon.  One of my best friends from school contacted me today,  he's the best friend who allways got us into trouble, he startaed us all smoking, started us all smoking weed and continued to do it thru college and up until now.  Now hes not had any major problems as a consequence of this behaviour but I on the other hand have skitsophrenia and had to move back in with my parents, lost jobs and have had many problems due to this smoking when I was young.  Now he's got kids, just moved into a brand new three bedroom house and a good salary with his job.  Now I wanted to be happy for him but I can't help but feel a bit jealous, he hasn't smoked weed for two months now and I on the other hand haven't for over ten years and am no better off as a consequence.  I think Im just a bit lonely and bored and the message has just come at the wrong time...…  Positive thinking, got to think of the positives...……. Thought about going to bookies today in town but decided aginst going to town because I knew if I took money with me where it would be going...…..so that's a plus.  Still tee total that's a plus...…..I have a holiday week coming up after this week and Christmas...….so that's a plus.  I have money to buy presents...….so that's a plus.  Had a review with my doctor this week and that went well as im doing well with the medication instead of once a month injection it will be three times a year..... so that's a plus.  Organised so activities for my week off going to visit a friend on the Friday, then party on the Saturday, then star wars on the Thursday, then out for drinks with a friend on the sunday then christmas the following Wednesday If im right.  So there are a lot of positives to be had just got to get in the right mind frame.  

You had a flash of envy.. Totally different from jealousy... 

Road might be rocky Adam but the pebbles do get smoother..

Boo x

Got to remain positive, couple of things said by my manager annoyed me today not less another comment about having too many drinks!! Just got to forget about work stress and leave it at work. Have managed to not go to poker tonight horray. Just watched Liverpool now watching Chelsea, brittish teams doing well. POSITIVITY GOES A LONG WAY!!!

On my holiday now and already feel very relaxed after a visit on Friday to a friend then a Saturday at home and a long sleep last night.   Debating whether to go to the pub to watch the arsenal game? thoughts of whether id go on the fruit machine? id be tempted I know that so ill prob give it a miss. 

I know if I go to a pub id be tempted by fruit machines and I know if I go to town id be tempted by bookies, so gonna just go to the gym this week and hopefully stay away from town. So far this month I've not spent too much as I haven't gambled yet and ive got presents already apart from one for my mum and sister. Got a good paycheque coming at the end of the month too so all in all in good shape. Bought some tickets for star wars yesterday and looking forward to that greatly. I think I'm doing well, I just don't see why I want to risk losing money to gain a little bit more when in reality the odds are soo bad!!! I should just stick to the working hard plan and three years down the line ill be in a great position. I don't want to go abroad anymore incase I get mentally ill and ruin the holiday for who ever I'm with, so holidays in UK are the way forward! I'm hoping if I stick to my strict budget by end of tax year in four months time I will have had the best saving year so far since 2015 . This is great. Off to sleep now another lye in to rest up think ill stay in bed till afleast mid day a lovely start to my week off. Oh and I lost my I pod so if I don't find it got to buy another one .

hi diary Monday over just relaxing listening to an acoustic foo fighters album (pretty chilled). just back from gym, gonna go most days this week to keep up the exercise. Not gambled to today lets call that a successful day.

Hi late night entry as Ive been out tonight with friends, much fun was had, a lovely meal.  Halfway thru my holiday and already really rested up.  It's really good to have a break and refresh my batteries.  Tomo another lie in and rest then Thursday the new star wars film (cant be bad) horray.