And you don’t have to start damaging yourself again just because you have repaired most of the last damage. Now is the time to practice living ‘normally ‘ !
I’ve learned a lot from my visit today, DAO. I was hesitant walking into the shop and unsure whether to go through with it but now, after my experience this evening, I’m all the more sure that I don’t want to go through that again.
I’m in a great position, both financially and in my life. I’m very lucky that I haven’t ever gambled money that wasn’t mine. I honestly don’t think I’d ever have it in me to do that. But I don’t think I could ever say that for sure. I have £2.6k of savings as well as my own property at the age of 32. I changed my car a few months back, so I’ve no worries on that front. I have a loving family, some great friends and a beautiful, caring and loyal girlfriend. Why on earth do I need gambling!?
I need to start flippin’ living a bit more and realising just how lucky I am to be where I am in my life! Get a grip, Dan!
That’s great Dan. Keep things good. You have recognised that gambling has a negative effect on you. Just take it out of your life completely. All the very best.
Dan , Dan , Dan .............Dan , Dan ??.
I think they took your name so they could come to your house , ring the bell and smash a pie in your face when you opened it ? :)) .
Seriously buddy these things happen and it only goes to prove how important it is to have these blocks in place ,I think you were fortunate that the cashier was on the ball and recognised you or maybe you just have one of those faces I don't know :)) .
Gambling will always try and lure you back to the depths of despair whispering sweet nothing's as it goes about it's work and once again promising you riches beyond your wildest dreams but you know that's why your here in the first place right ? .
Don't beat yourself up fella , you got away with a clean sheet but with a bit of a bruising , just make sure all your doors that are even slightly ajar are bolted tight shut and all the blocks are in place , gambling won't get in and nor will the bloke with the pie .
Stay safe buddy and wishing you well
Alan
Alan, the weird thing was I wasn’t excluded from the shop! Online, yes, but not the shop!
It came to his attention when it flagged up on his screen/monitor behind the till. So what must have happened was that when I scanned my WH gaming card onto the sports betting terminal, it must have flagged my mobile number up (as that was the only thing needed to get one of these cards..) (I was self excluded from WH at the time) on his screen and he caught me in that way. Nothing to do with recognising me as it was the first time I’d be in there for years and I’d never excluded myself from any shops.
The whole thing was weird and it gave me a wake up call. I never thought I’d be the kind of person to be told to leave a betting shop. But today I achieved that badge.
Today’s incident could well be a blessing in disguise. I’m hoping so anyway.
I’ve reset my counter though as technically I did try to bet and I would have done if it had not been for the cashier. No damage done, just dented pride.
We move on and I go again...
Dan
Well as I said Dan It's a good job the system did it's job but obviously because you used your card , you hear so many stories on the forum with people walking in and not being recognised it's a bit worrying really .
As you said my friend it's a blessing in disguise , be grateful and learn from it but most importantly put it behind you and move on , tomorrows another day :))
Stay safe buddy and if those urges strike again " Get your @rrse back on here " before you act !!
Night mate :))
Hey mate
I just wonder if all those goals and targets you set yourself at the beginning of the year (put a bit of clean time behind you, clean bank statements, spending money wisely) were achieved - which in turn left you high, dry and vulnerable ie no clear direction in your recovery path after hitting those goals? I speak from experience here ?
Maybe read back some of those messages you posted at the close of last year, they were pretty downbeat if I remember rightly - only as an exercise to remind you of where you don't want to return to if this takes hold of you again?
And maybe set longer, ongoing goals? What more do you want out of life than a few months worth of clean bank statements this time? Ok - a few months of clean statements which you have now sets you apart from those lost in the gambling wilderness and puts you amongst the 'norm' in society... But what goals could you set yourself moving forward that would extend you beyond the norm and move you towards the unchartered territory of your life? Why not push yourself beyond just staying off a bet for a while?
I'm not suggesting character transformation and all that lark... You seem like a pretty amiable fella to begin with ?
I dont know Dan... If I may be allowed to be frank for a second... What I'm trying to say is that aren't you getting tired of all the circles now?
Don't you want out of all this finally?
Because it's there for you if you want it you know... You may have all that money saved up now Dan but don't for one second ever forget that gambling addiction is a progressive illness.
I toyed with it at a similar stage to where you are now... Before I knew it, it was toying with me. The bit in between is still a blur to me this day.
Set yourself more ambitious goals man! You're better than gambling! I get a strong sense of that from your posts! ?
If ALN was still about you know he'd string you up for this and cite the workplace acca as the root cause of your stumble ???
The word 'inevitable' would feature no doubt at some point in his post ?
Ah I do miss ALN you know. I hope he is ok and well. I owe him a lot regarding where I have got to now. I felt myself slipping a lot over the course of last year and got a swift boot back up the garden path from him when I needed it most.
Haha signalman, yes he probably would.
You’re right in everything you say in your message. I’m beginning to realise that now and thankfully I’m not in a position where I’ve set myself back, financially.
Despite classing myself as a compulsive gambler, I’ve clearly got limits (albeit high ones) as to far I’ll actually go when gambling. I do see zero as being ZERO! I wouldn’t ever gamble money I didn’t have.
However, my gambling, especially over the last 4 years or so has hampered my life and stopped me from enjoying experiences that I should have been able to afford. This is where things must change. Do I really want gambling as my main hobby!? Or do I want to have 4 or 5 more affordable hobbies?
Things will change for me. They already have. 2019 has been a massive success so far. Given I’d probably spent about £12k in the last 3 calendar years of gambling, I reckon I’ve only given away about £40 in the first 4 months (including not logging into anything online and up until yesterday not entering a bookies). Progress is being made and I’m much better off for it.
You’re right though, I’ve achieved everything I initially wanted to achieve. Now it’s time to extend those goals.
Given I’d probably spent about £12k in the last 3 calendar years of gambling, I reckon I’ve only given away about £40 in the first 4 months (including not logging into anything online and up until yesterday not entering a bookies). Progress is being made and I’m much better off for it.
Well I guess when you put it like that you're going steady mate... Good for you ?
They often say in GA seek "progress not perfection" and I am tripping over this one all the time, so it's good to hear you validate and take ownership of what you have achieved. You have indeed come a long way.
I would add a small caveat though - progress doesn't have to stop at any given point. It can be ongoing if you like it to be. Noone can take away from you your determined fight back, just watch those nominal bets moving forward - don't let them be the vessel by which problem gambling creeps up on you again... Mate - ultimately though if you can keep a lid on your gambling with just the odd slip here and there then kudos to you ?
Answer me this Dan (I'm not trying to be clever here - just curious)
What do you really want out of all this? Are you looking to put gambling out of your life completely or ultimately are you pretty much comfortable with the progress that has been made and where you're at nowadays?
I suppose the reason I ask is I am trying to deduce if your WH visit was 'against your will' or in fact a wilful move based on your acceptance and belief that you now have things under control...
If you can answer that honestly then I reckon you'll know where you need to go next from here (if anywhere) ?
I’ve clearly got limits (albeit high ones) as to far I’ll actually go when gambling. I do see zero as being ZERO!
Ah man... What I would've given to have some of what you have ??
Having some understanding of the value of money defo helps in this fight back, if you have any tips on how I can nurture this in my life then please teach me!
I am still on cash allowances and pay-as-you-go CC's for now, and the scary thing is I have absolutely no qualms about this! ?
Look after yourself mate
Mate, to answer you truthfully... What do I want out of this? Ultimately I would love to go back to betting how I did around 5 years ago. Once a week, with my mates, and not giving a flying sausage whether my bet won or lost.
BUT, I know this won’t happen. I’ve proved over the years that just won’t happen. So therefore what I’m looking for at the moment is simply progress.
If I can have a better 2019 than 2018 then I’ll be fairly content. For now. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m striving to not bet at all but if I do have a relapse then I won’t beat myself up over it. I honestly think the days are gone about me blowing hundreds and hundreds of pounds in single sessions. My mindset on life is beginning to change and I’ve realised that my personality and character simply cannot handle gambling. It’s taken me a long time to realise this.
In 5 years time I would love to see gambling as something that I don’t even think about anymore. But in my opinion that doesn’t just happen overnight. You have to work on it, and almost coach your mind into living another kind of lifestyle.
With regards to understanding the value of money?... Mate, I’m the biggest wuss going! ? I wouldn’t dare to get myself into any kind of debt for fear of what my parent’s would say. My dad is a bank manager and I think has access to my accounts (from when I was a kid). Even though he no longer checks my account now, I’d be still fearful of him checking it one day and seeing a huge financial mess. Particularly as his own father almost gambled away their home when he was young. That’s simply why I’ve not gambled myself into any debt. I’d be scared of what my parent’s would think of me. That’s why I never dared to do things like try a cigarette when I was younger. I think I lived a very sheltered life. So I’m afraid there’s no tips that I can provide you, other than I’m a big wimp! ?
But as you quite rightly point out, progress can be an ongoing thing and doesn’t have to stop. I’ll always strive to better myself. Even if I’m only gambling £1 a year then I’ll continue to strive for an even better life.
I understand that people on here may not have much sympathy for me due to not having tons and tons of debt etc, but my losses in the past have been very real and crushing at times. I’ve just been very lucky that I’ve been able to claw most of the lost money back by having quiet months and not doing anything or buying anything. But that is obviously no way to live your life.
Dan
Always admired your honesty on here - not only to yourself and where you're head is truly at, but also in the way you are honest with others re how you truly feel. In many ways you are probably one of the least deluded and disillusioned people on here ?
Also admire how you keep your expectations real and your self-awareness is always switched on.
You keep going mate. I would also love to have the odd bet with my mates, like you, I would also like not to beat myself up if I ever relapse... I just can't afford to relapse. After last time if I do... That will spell doom for me and my family, I tell you that for a fact.
Just keep on mate - you don't need the sympathy vote on here anyway, clearly you are just looking for joy and happiness in your life and gamcare is a tool by which you use to help you stay grounded in this quest, just keep doing what youre doing ?
All the best
Ps - d**n! My father is retired! Maybe I should try and convince him to retrain in the banking industry! What an amazing (albeit off the wall) block you have there! Brilliant! ??
Just read through your diary, opening a very interesting debate.im not going to judge anyone or give you an opinion as you are doing things your way mate.
I chose not to hand over a penny.i had something happen at work which freaked me out in the very thing that you participated in.A team buster I paid into last year ...my colleague pointed out I was 3 months behind, I told him I didn't gamble any more but he said tough I started so I still had to pay wether I liked it or not, it started a bit of an argument and I still refused to pay and stuck to my guns, anyhow word got round and out of the blue another colleague came up to me and asked if I had a gambling problem, I denied it, I was totally embarrassed and lied, I really don't want all folk knowing.Any how that's just a bit of me.
Keep going you are doing great mate
May I add that was my choice to duck out of it and I totally get your point and like j said no judgement here ok
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