2019 - My Turning Point?

Dan...

You don't have to justify your actions on this forum mate. Do whatever the hell you want to do. All that's important is that you use this place if you feel it helps you and if you have a problem with gambling that needs addressing. Loads of people on here gamble again then come back here for support... What makes you think you'd be treated with anything other than unconditional support like the rest? ;o)

I still advocate that everyone approaches recovery differently, and who knows? You may be able to control your gambling urges whilst being able to participate in the work accumulator moving forward? Wouldn't that be great eh? I couldn't do what you did as that would be playing with fire for me... One taste of gambling and i would devour it... I've proved that to myself on numerous occasions...

It makes me sad that you have to give money away so as not to blow your cover. Forget the 'bet' for a minute... I'm talking about the fact that you aren't able to not put in and bat people off that may quiz you about it. Yes they may think it's odd you haven't put in but personally I would rather not put in and face the interrogations and be true to myself rather than put in to keep the sniffers away... Can't you just fob them off with something like "you've realised gambling is a mugs game" or something like that? I know it's a bit rude but so is questioning someone if they don't want to do something so I wouldn't feel guilty about the abrasive response.

DeterminedDan wrote:

Obviously there is always the risk of being drawn back into that awfuk kind of destructive gambling but I'll cross that bridge if it comes to it.

Anyway this is the bit that worries me Dan. You don't have to cross that bridge if you don't want to Dan... It's like you've forgotten you've got a choice in this. I believe the acca probably won't get you in trouble as your post displays adequate self-awareness about it (this is my subjective response... Of course others may read your post and think you're completely deluded) - however I do think moving forward the mindset you have displayed above may land you in trouble if you don't address it.

Gambling starts in the mind then takes control of your actions before you know it. You need to arrest these thoughts at mind level if/when they come. Something's not right in your mindset to make comments like this... If you're ready to give up gambling you wouldn't be making comments like this. Who knows if we will ever relapse again? Either way... We have to genuinely believe that we won't to give ourselves a fighting chance.

Anyway it's good your back either way.

Actually, thinking about it some more - I would suggest looking again at why you are so worried about having to answer questions about something YOU want to do in YOUR life - to the point where you handed real english money over to indulge in an activity you don't even want to do!

Who are you vs who do you want to be?

Are you a compulsive gambler who wants to be someone free of gambling?

Or are you someone who is currently free of gambling who wants to be a compulsive gambler?

Just do yourself a favour and work this out for sure before you hand over any more money for the next acca.

Hi Dan

In response to your latest post I was in exactly the same boat when I first came to this site. £2 a week at work to be involved in the "Goalbuster" and Lottery competitions. I never actually gave these up and am now onto Day 160 GF. If people want to call me out and say that I'm not GF because of this then so be it, if I'm honest I don't really care. You need to concentrate on you and you alone, and as long as you feel in control and are happy with your decisions that's all that matters.

JW

signalman wrote: Dan... You don't have to justify your actions on this forum mate. Do whatever the hell you want to do. All that's important is that you use this place if you feel it helps you and if you have a problem with gambling that needs addressing. Loads of people on here gamble again then come back here for support... What makes you think you'd be treated with anything other than unconditional support like the rest? ;o) I still advocate that everyone approaches recovery differently, and who knows? You may be able to control your gambling urges whilst being able to participate in the work accumulator moving forward? Wouldn't that be great eh? I couldn't do what you did as that would be playing with fire for me... One taste of gambling and i would devour it... I've proved that to myself on numerous occasions... It makes me sad that you have to give money away so as not to blow your cover. Forget the 'bet' for a minute... I'm talking about the fact that you aren't able to not put in and bat people off that may quiz you about it. Yes they may think it's odd you haven't put in but personally I would rather not put in and face the interrogations and be true to myself rather than put in to keep the sniffers away... Can't you just fob them off with something like "you've realised gambling is a mugs game" or something like that? I know it's a bit rude but so is questioning someone if they don't want to do something so I wouldn't feel guilty about the abrasive response. [quote=DeterminedDan]

Obviously there is always the risk of being drawn back into that awfuk kind of destructive gambling but I’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it.

Anyway this is the bit that worries me Dan. You don't have to cross that bridge if you don't want to Dan... It's like you've forgotten you've got a choice in this. I believe the acca probably won't get you in trouble as your post displays adequate self-awareness about it (this is my subjective response... Of course others may read your post and think you're completely deluded) - however I do think moving forward the mindset you have displayed above may land you in trouble if you don't address it. Gambling starts in the mind then takes control of your actions before you know it. You need to arrest these thoughts at mind level if/when they come. Something's not right in your mindset to make comments like this... If you're ready to give up gambling you wouldn't be making comments like this. Who knows if we will ever relapse again? Either way... We have to genuinely believe that we won't to give ourselves a fighting chance. Anyway it's good your back either way. Actually, thinking about it some more - I would suggest looking again at why you are so worried about having to answer questions about something YOU want to do in YOUR life - to the point where you handed real english money over to indulge in an activity you don't even want to do! Who are you vs who do you want to be? Are you a compulsive gambler who wants to be someone free of gambling? Or are you someone who is currently free of gambling who wants to be a compulsive gambler? Just do yourself a favour and work this out for sure before you hand over any more money for the next acca.

Thank you for your well thought out and insightful post, Signalman.

You make some very valid points. I guess I’ve not thought about it as deeply as you have done. Yes, it is sad that I have felt the need to part with my own cash against my own will but it is only a few pound every week that I can afford, it’s not something that people at work are obsessing/talking about constantly, which helps. It is what it is.

It doesn’t actually feel like ‘gambling’ as such although it so clearly is. It feels like I’m doing something ‘normal’ and acceptable when it’s other people involved. There’s no decision making on my part. No raising the stakes etc.

But, as I say, I’m not justifying what I’m doing or recommending it to others.

JW_ wrote: Hi Dan In response to your latest post I was in exactly the same boat when I first came to this site. £2 a week at work to be involved in the "Goalbuster" and Lottery competitions. I never actually gave these up and am now onto Day 160 GF. If people want to call me out and say that I'm not GF because of this then so be it, if I'm honest I don't really care. You need to concentrate on you and you alone, and as long as you feel in control and are happy with your decisions that's all that matters. JW

Thanks JW and well done on reaching 160 days! Top effort mate!

i think ur thinking ur mates at work would be suprised if u told them u werent playing the accumilator thing. just say ur saving up and every penny counts so ur not doing it anymore. im sure they wont be bothered at all. then this wont be on ur conscionce and u can continue on ur great progress. adam

Cool Dan, again it's good to have you back as you show a lot of support to people and I think you'll give yourself a fighting chance of staying ahead of the gambling if you use this platform.

I'm glad you took my post for what it was - just playing devil's advocate mostly and offering alternative viewpoints to trigger thought processes for you... Just to ensure you really know what you're doing and in control of what you're doing. Maybe the acca itself won't do you much harm but for me, the sadness still remains about having to operate in this cloak and dagger fashion about your gambling addiction. Maybe this is not so much a criticism of you but a sad reflection of how far behind society is re accepting problem for what it is and it being viewed more sympathetically.

DeterminedDan wrote:

it is only a few pound every week that I can afford, it's not something that people at work are obsessing/talking about constantly, which helps. It is what it is.

Good for you mate. It is what it is. Like that. Glad that your conviction remains in tact after gambling, many people (myself included) come on here in bits, unable to think for themselves anymore and need to be spoonfed what to do next and how to live. It's seems you're ok in that respect.

Just stay in touch with people if or when you gamble outside of your comfort zone. It's as simple as that really. People on here may be able to pull you back from the potential destruction with messages, warnings and wisdom if you do this.

Good luck.

John Wayne once said: "A man's got to do what a man's got to do." That phrase has always captured people's imagination and one can read into it what one chooses.

It reminds me of the life and times of Dan which tells the tale of a good friend who is afflicted by a compulsion to gamble. It is the story of a man who is on a mission to break free from the chains that hold him down and discover a life of peace, happiness and fulfilment.

Many of us travel this road, side by side and we do feel a certain bond with our fellow travellers. However, each and every one of us has their own unique challenges to face. There are some definite do's and dont's to observe on this journey but other than that we can decide for ourselves what is the best way forward. I wish you well on your gamble free adventure and sincerely hope you find what you are looking for ...stephen

Thanks for your messages, Adam, Signalman and Stephen.

Adam, I had thought about saying that exact thing (about saving every penny) but I would literally be the only one who wasn’t participating in it. I’m a man who likes to keep a low profile, a shy guy and someone who doesn’t like to bring any kind of attention to myself. I took the (weak) attitude of just giving them the money. If it was anymore than £3 then I would have been braver and said that I’m saving all my pennies etc. Because I know others (mainly the non football fans) would have joined me in not entering. It’s actually quite funny because half the people who are paying to play every week, don’t actually realise what they’re paying for. They’ve just been told they stand a chance to win X amount of money if they pay £3 a week on some football results that they nothing about. They probably wouldn’t see it as ‘gambling’, more like playing the lottery or buying a raffle ticket. I guess I’m seeing it that way too. It’s not igniting any kind of desire to start gambling by myself. BUT, I’m not daft. I know that I might not feel like this forever, and it’s how I deal with things IF I was starting to get that buzz back again.

At the moment, I have a goal to simply improve my general well being. To get fitter, healthier and to take up other hobbies that revolve away from sport.

So far, 20 days into 2019, I’m sticking to that. I’m happy with my progress. I’d like to look at my bank statements on the 31st Dec and not feel guilty about anything on there. Thankfully, there shouldn’t be any PayPal transactions showing as I can’t possibly gamble online. But I don’t want to see lots and lots of cash withdrawals in short spaces of time. I’d like people to look at my statements and think, “he probably doesn’t gamble..”

I feel slightly the same when I spend a bit of money on a raffle in a fete or in a supermarket. The way that I see it, that money is going to great causes and there is zero chance of getting carried away. I mean, £5 or even £10 to good causes is nothing compared to the hundreds or thousands of pounds frittered away to pay for another holiday for someone who has no morals in life.

It is also a great feeling to view bank statements online and to see only proper transactions.

Long may this continue.

NT

DeterminedDan wrote:

I'd like people to look at my statements and think, “he probably doesn't gamble..””

Love this mate. Ok - you can do this. Head down for the year and just keep on keeping on. Would love to hear you report you have been successful come end of year!

Hi Dan, yep think of the three pounds as a lottery donation. You are doing great keep it up. 2019 will be out full year gamble free.

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adam123 wrote:

Hi Dan, yep think of the three pounds as a lottery donation. You are doing great keep it up. 2019 will be out full year gamble free.

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I don’t think I can hide away from the fact that it’s still classed as ‘gambling’ per say. So I think for as long as I am doing this, I’ll never count myself as being ‘gamble free’.

But, it’d be a marked improvement on previous years and if this thing at work dies out eventually (which is what I’m hoping) then it’s all good.

The most important thing for me is that I’m not seeking out ways to gamble myself. My first target is to get to February so that I can look back at my January bank statement with a little bit of pride rather than the constant £50/£100 deposits that are so blindingly obvious to do with gambling that it makes me feel ashamed. No more!

Hey mate

Yeah it feels like your harbouring feelings of guilt related to this acca thing, however you know what's best for you I guess... It's good you're open minded enough to reach out to people to gauge their opinions but ultimately you are doing this as a form of self-preservation... In turn I wouldn't dwell on it too much now, only because constant shots of guilt to your system are not healthy all round - if you can mate just draw a line under it - like you said it is what it is for the time being.

Concentrate on having that great year you promised yourself! You can do it man!

Hey Caughtup, so lovely to hear from you 🙂

A bloody good feeling indeed. Almost at the end of January and my bank statement looks ‘clean’ which makes me feel happy and proud. Very few transactions on there. I’m determined to make 2019 the turning point in my life.

I’m chuffed to bits at your progress! You’re doing amazingly well. How are you finding things these days? Do you still get the urges to gamble or are they slowly fading away?

It’s lovely to hear from you, hope you’re well.

Dan...x

Hello Caughtup, I’m good thank you. Glad to hear you’re well and still on the gamble free train to happiness but sorry to hear about your cough and cold. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

It’s flippin freezing outside. I’ve just checked the weather app on my phone and it says -5C. It certainly doesn’t make me feel like jumping out of bed this morning.

I’m pleased to have almost completed January without placing a single bet. My first bank statement of the year will be a clean one! I’m very proud of that.

I’ve heard so much about Cleaning Up from other people at work but I’ve not actually watched it myself. I’m sure it’s something I’ll watch eventually, but I just haven’t got round to watching it yet.

You’re 100% spot on, life is all about your health and happiness and being there for your loved ones and your kids. I’m so pleased for you that things are falling into place.

Thanks for your lovely message Caughtup, it was so nice to wake up it this morning 🙂

Now then, I better drag my a*s out of bed 🙁

Have a good day. Sending you lots of love and positivity back your way too.

Dan x