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2019 - My Turning Point?  

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signalman
(@signalman)

To be fair to you Dan, what you do have going for you that most CG's who were once at your stage in the progressive illness didn't have going for them is that you admit you have a problem and you've accepted you have a problem.

This self-awareness and acceptance should probably be enough to see you through, regardless of whether you continue to use this self-help resource regularly or not.

Oh yeah, and also accepting you have this problem meets the criteria for membership here so you do fit in and you do belong after all! 😉

This post was modified 4 months ago 2 times by signalman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th August 2019 9:39 pm
cardhue
(@cardhue)
Posted by: DeterminedDan

We’re now into 2019 as 2018 passes by into the distance.

Like many on here, 2018 was a tough year. For me, it was divided into 3 parts. The first 1/3 of the year was bad. I lost about 2k. The middle 1/3 I abstained totally from any sort of gambling and managed to save a lot of money. I was happy and at peace. I had such a great Summer with friends and family. Even work seemed great!

Then finally the final 1/3 was where I lost all my Summer savings (and some). Overall I reckon I lost about 4k due to gambling in 2018. It’s crazy when you write it down in words. 4k is a lot of money to some people, but to me it’s a huge amount! I must have staked around about 15k-20k in those 12 months. Again, utterly ridiculous! I guess I’m lucky in a way to have not come out of it much worse!

So, 2019 is the year that I strive to sort myself out. I have all the possible blocks in place that I can have. I have set myself some realistic and achievable goals for the year for me to focus on. Now it’s time to prove to myself and others that I can change.

Sometimes, bad things can happen which make it a bad year. Things that are totally out of our control and that we can do nothing about. But gambling is something that we have the power to control.

It’s time to give yourself the best possible oppourtunity for a great year.

Let’s do this!    

£4k loss in a year is absolutely n**s.

I wouldn’t use comparisons with people on HERE as a barometer of health.

good you’re debt free but what about opportunity loss?

i don’t really see a set ‘type’ on here- but very different stories and degrees. There’s no ‘thing’ to fit into.

In my experience grandstand departures turn out badly. I really hope yours doesn’t turn out that way. 

I do wonder if in fact the issue is that you’re not connecting with people in a way you find satisfactory on here?

That might not be to do with how addicted you are.  But to do with openness and honesty. Over-sensitivity is rife in addicts.

Not to say you can’t leave. Of course you can-GC is not a cult. But this feels more like a call for help.

Why can’t you meet with friends and not gamble? Because you’re a gambling addict.

in spite of your protestations to the contrary, you ARE distancing yourself from people on here with the end game of.....wait for it....... giving yourself a green light to gamble.

Louis

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th August 2019 10:56 pm
signalman
(@signalman)

Dan

The other thing I was thinking is (looking at the title of your diary) that you might be keen to initialise this 'turning point' in your life as 2019 passes through and we head towards Christmas... Perhaps it was a sub-conscious target for you to 'achieve' something of this nature within the year.

You could be forcing the issue for the sake of this achievement? Just putting this out there... You may or may not be aware consciously of this need to 'get the job done' in 2019... You may or may not be paying attention to whether you are actually ready for this departure or not if the aforementioned is the case...

From what I can see you relate well to others on here, your posts are full of insight and you definitely are a CG because when you post those entries about times when you wander into a bookies the blow-by-blow accounts you give are so relatable, not just to me no doubt... Yet you feel like you don't belong on this platform.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th August 2019 11:30 pm
KS2
 KS2
(@ks2)
Posted by: cardhue
Posted by: DeterminedDan

 

£4k loss in a year is absolutely n**s.

I wouldn’t use comparisons with people on HERE as a barometer of health.

 

 

Nailed it in one.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th August 2019 8:34 am
DeterminedDan
(@determineddan)
Posted by: cardhue
Posted by: DeterminedDan

We’re now into 2019 as 2018 passes by into the distance.

Like many on here, 2018 was a tough year. For me, it was divided into 3 parts. The first 1/3 of the year was bad. I lost about 2k. The middle 1/3 I abstained totally from any sort of gambling and managed to save a lot of money. I was happy and at peace. I had such a great Summer with friends and family. Even work seemed great!

Then finally the final 1/3 was where I lost all my Summer savings (and some). Overall I reckon I lost about 4k due to gambling in 2018. It’s crazy when you write it down in words. 4k is a lot of money to some people, but to me it’s a huge amount! I must have staked around about 15k-20k in those 12 months. Again, utterly ridiculous! I guess I’m lucky in a way to have not come out of it much worse!

So, 2019 is the year that I strive to sort myself out. I have all the possible blocks in place that I can have. I have set myself some realistic and achievable goals for the year for me to focus on. Now it’s time to prove to myself and others that I can change.

Sometimes, bad things can happen which make it a bad year. Things that are totally out of our control and that we can do nothing about. But gambling is something that we have the power to control.

It’s time to give yourself the best possible oppourtunity for a great year.

Let’s do this!    

£4k loss in a year is absolutely n**s.

I wouldn’t use comparisons with people on HERE as a barometer of health.

good you’re debt free but what about opportunity loss?

i don’t really see a set ‘type’ on here- but very different stories and degrees. There’s no ‘thing’ to fit into.

In my experience grandstand departures turn out badly. I really hope yours doesn’t turn out that way. 

I do wonder if in fact the issue is that you’re not connecting with people in a way you find satisfactory on here?

That might not be to do with how addicted you are.  But to do with openness and honesty. Over-sensitivity is rife in addicts.

Not to say you can’t leave. Of course you can-GC is not a cult. But this feels more like a call for help.

Why can’t you meet with friends and not gamble? Because you’re a gambling addict.

in spite of your protestations to the contrary, you ARE distancing yourself from people on here with the end game of.....wait for it....... giving yourself a green light to gamble.

Louis

Hi Louis, thanks for your reply on my diary. 

Firstly, yes, £4K in a year is a heck of a lot of money to lose and is a R*d warning light. But 99% of that money was lost online. Which I’m now completely self excluded from. Yes, you could argue that I could try and get my fix elsewhere, but the truth is that the bookies have never really interested me. Even more so now that the £2 fobt stakes are in place.

Secondly, it’s not a case of me being desperate to gamble when I’m out with friends. I’m very much a man of routine/tradition. I love tradition in life. I’d feel exactly the same about not being able to have our traditional pre match drinks in the usual pub before the game than I would about not having our traditional Saturday accumulator, and in no way am I an alcoholic or even an excessive drinker. It’s simply about the tradition element and being able to have a laugh and a good time with my mates. Yes, if it got to the point when it would begin to kickstart some stronger urges to gamble/chase my losses, then I would be stupid not to put aside those traditions. But for me, it’s like doing the lottery on a Saturday. I have no problem doing that. (Though I don’t often play the lottery). It’s more about the time, enjoyment and experience spent with friends, than it is about winning any money. I guess it’s how ‘gambling’ should be done.

So in some ways, that’s why I’m struggling to fit in and belong here. Because most folk would even see playing the lottery as an absolute no go area. For me, that’s not the case. Online gambling, or more specifically the casino element, is where I’ve had all my problems. Doing ‘lottery style’ accumulators with my friends every now triggers nothing and again is something that I don’t want to have to constantly justify to myself and others. 

I simply don’t want to give off the wrong impression to others on here who are really struggling with their gambling. Both online, in bookies, scratchcards or whatever means of gambling there is available. It’s not fair on those. 

I don’t want it to be a ‘grandstand’ exit. I’ve no doubt I’ll be back on here sometime in the future to check up on others and to give an update how I’m getting on. I’m certainly not doing it to give myself any green light to go and gamble myself silly. In some ways I’m doing it to be open and honest with myself and others on here. I can’t/won’t hide things from people on here. Some may be able to have the odd sneaky bet/lottery and think of it as no big deal and not worth mentioning it on here. I can’t do that. If I’ve had a £2 lottery bet, then I have to say.

I guess sub consciously, my ambition for this year was to stop the bleeding of my gambling. So far this year I’ve probably spent about £100 on gambling related activities. Compared to this time last year, it was probably nearer to about £3k. So I’m heading in the right direction. Or you could look at it and say that I’m still gambling. I’d prefer to look at it as I’m making progress. But I’m aware that most people on here wouldn’t view it the same way. That’s why I feel this isn’t the right place for me at the moment. 

Dan

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th August 2019 8:37 am
DeterminedDan
(@determineddan)

Just a quick update on how I’m doing....

Great, in simple terms. We’re 9 and a half months into 2019 and this year (so far!) continues to be the turning point in my life. I rarely think about gambling these days. To think where I was this time last year, making deposit after deposit into online betting accounts and feeling under pressure to try and win my money back and to explain where that lost money may have gone. 

I have my life back again. I’ve saved up an awful lot of money this year already and have begun putting it to good use and treating myself occasionally too. I actually feel like a normal person again for the first time in about 14 years. I can look people in the eyes and feel no guilt. 

Yes, I have had the occasional bet over the last 9 and a half months, but I am not treating those as ‘slips’ because I’ve been well aware of what I’m doing. These have all occurred in social situations and have been on football accumulators only.  No more than £5 a time. 

Eventually I’d like to phase even that out completely but for now, I’m happy that 2019 is a year where I stop the financial and gambling bleeding and get things back on track. 

I have no interest in playing things like Roulette anymore. I’ve really begun to HATE losing money and spending money. Roulette, to me, feels like too much of a fast way to losing money. So I’m simply not interested and I don’t think I ever will be. I’ve seen the light and realised just how much in favour of the ‘house’ it is. I’d rather avoid!

Overall, I’m very happy with life. Gambling stinks! Sticking myself in front of a computer, watching a wheel go round and round for hours on end, stinks. I’ve got better things to do, better places to be, with REAL LIFE people who make me laugh, make me smile and make me realise how lucky I am in my life. I don’t need to try and force the issue by generating some luck in my life. More often than not it ends in bad luck and misery.

I’ll continue to live my life, the 2019 way. I’ve done some great things and been to some lovely places, not just because I could afford them, but because my ‘mind’ was up for it too. I was with people, both in ‘mind’ and ‘body’. 

I hope others have been able to win in life too. I’m just going to read through some diaries on here to catch up. 

Thanks for all your support, Dan

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th October 2019 9:55 pm
DeterminedDan
(@determineddan)

Hello diary - just a brief entry for today.

I’m two weeks shy of my birthday, or as I remember it, my £1,200 (roughly) loss. Safe to say it was my most upsetting birthday to date. Since that day my life has gone from strength to strength. 

I am no longer suffering due to gambling. I have finally forgiven myself for what I did and have done to myself over the years and I am in a really healthy position. I no longer have guilty feelings, my banks account looks clean and I treat myself to lots of nice stuff that would have otherwise been spent on gambling whilst also making sure I have some money set aside for a rainy day. This has all been possible by stopping gambling! Yes, I have had the occasional blip during the last 12 months, but they have not been followed by a series of further blips. I’ve reset, accepted the loss, acknowledged the fact that I don’t want to throw away all my hard work and generally moved on. 

For anyone reading this, there is hope! I never thought it was possible but I have found out that it is! 

Keep believing, keep persevering and things can turn around.

Dan 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th November 2019 6:02 pm
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