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1st full day of not gambling after yesterdays aftermath!!!  

 
WaypastRockbottom
(@waypastrockbottom)

Yesterday afternoon i told my fiance that i had blew 2200 of his money on online slots in bed while he was asleep next to me.

I had access to his bank app which he trusted me with,although i dont really know how as this is not 1st time iv gambled away joint money.

I overdrew us at bank on our joint account nearly 3 years ago.

Twice i gambled away our rent money.

The 2nd time i did it,he gave landlord notice and i was homeless but rented a room and have been there ever since.

Tho i was still seeing my fiance nearly every day and the money that i used to fund my gambling the early hours of yesterday was supposed to be for our new flat together.

I just had no control of what i was doing.

I just kept transferring money from his account to mine and then to the gambling site

I had no conception of just how much i was spending.

I was awake all night after that,planning to kill myself,had it all planbed out what i was gonna do and how i was gonna do it.

But i didnt.

I came home from his after he went to work,called in sick and called Gamcare.

For the 1st time i was able to tell Fiona,the advisor everything from the very beginning and it helped but i still had to tell him what i had done.

I was on edge all day,very restless,anxious and terrified and i still cudnt sleep.

I went down to his house and told him minute he came in.

Of course he went mental 

Shouting at top of his voice,telling me to stay there while he called police,which was what i deserved.

He then ordered me to get out,demanding me to leave my phone and tablet as i had all his banking details on it.

His last words to me were.

Im sending the police up to your house and you ll be in court.

When i got home,i immediately crushed tablets into powder inbetween keep getting up to look out window as i was expecting police.

I then mixed the powder in with coke and tried to drink it thru a straw but the taste was so horriblr i was reaching and chokin so i stopped.

Was very anxious and agitated that i didnt have a phone and also terrufied that police were coming.

I managed to find an old 1 but needed a sim card and had to walk down to Tesco to get 1.

I paid for it at the self service tills as i knew if i went to till i would buy scratchcards.

I tried to call my partner but he didnt answer.

I still was extremely agitated and tried to settle down to sleep was about midnight when i fell asleeo i think,cobsidering that i had been awake since 8am on Thursday morning!!

 

I woke up at 8 this morning and called him a few times before i got an answer.

I told him that i would pay all the money back,but he said he didnt want it back,he said he was cutting all ties with me from today and that he had spoke to the police but they cudnt do nothing as we were still a couple till last night but he warned me if i tried to do anything concerning his money,he would get me arrested and charged as,as from today we are no longer a couple and it would bd theft and fraud.

He then said he d meet me to give me my stuff and he wanted his keys back and my engagement and eternity rings,as he was going to sell them to try n recoup some of the money and if i didnt give him them he wudnt give me my phone.

I met him and he gave me my stuff and i gave him his keys and rings and he just walked away.

I went back to my room and tried my best to keep myself busy before work.

Tried to call him a few times but he ignored me.

I then went to work and was crying before i got there,when i did get there,i wasnt really focused and it took a long time to get motivated.

I again tried to call and text him,begging him to give me anither chance.

I also asked him if he would let me buy back the rings from him when i get paid           

He ignored me.

I tried my best to get thru my shift but i kept cryin and reliving wat i had done and what i have lost.

I havent really thought too much of gambling today,just been trying to think positively about trying to get myself straight and free from gambling and getting my fiance back cos i know im too weak to make it on my own

This topic was modified 1 week ago by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 1st May 2021 11:36 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi WPRB and welcome to the forum.

This is the pain that gambling addiction causes but you are not alone and there is no shame in telling the right people and reaching out for help.

Its great that you have written that down because you are among people who have been there and understand.

Now I know that you have not done that with an evil laugh to hurt him. Its essentially a drug addiction and an illness which tempts and takes over our minds.

I promise you that you are better than gambling and you will recover if you follow the trusted advice and take the right measures.

You must not be too hard on yourself and you have to look at life in a clear way. You can build a pride and self respect again. Loving yourself again is an attractive quality.

You must accept the reality that partners will react and some will be deeply shocked. Perhaps he will come to understand the addiction but we are not relationship counsellors.

You have to take this step by step. Its such a complex addiction that you must seek help to heal yourself. You are trying to do too much in winning him back at the moment.

Perhaps small steps of properly apologizing in a letter and explaining briefly that its an addiction and you are seeking help.

Millions of people have been affected by gambling addiction. Its not a stupidity or greed issue so you have to take some comfort in that. It acts just like substance addiction affecting brain neurons  for a fix.

You have to look at it like you are a good person and you will get the help to get back to a healthy positive life.  Look after yourself and the fog of hurt and confusion will lift

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

 

This post was modified 1 week ago 3 times by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2021 11:36 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @waypastrockbottom,

it sounds like you have been through a lot over the past few days and things are still really raw. I am pleased to read you have spoken to us already and I would urge you to call us again and see what ongoing help and support we can put into place for you.

We are here over the Bank Holiday as well, so please don't leave it too long, it sounds like it would be really important for you to talk and to create a plan of action going forward.

Please also keep sharing on the Forum. You are not alone, we are all here to support you. 

Wishing you all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2021 12:29 pm
WaypastRockbottom
(@waypastrockbottom)

Hi.

Thanks for that.

I know it will take time to sort all this out.

I am trying to be positive and sort stuff out in my head and make some concrete plans for the future but it is hard.

Maybe i am better just trying to survive 1 day at time and see where i go from there.

Thanks again.

Stay safe

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2021 4:03 pm
Ameliasgran
(@ameliasgran)

I honestly feel for you, I have been suicidal tried overdose but woke up after 12 hours, told husband who was heartbroken but helped me sort everything out.  Been a long hard road but managed to get savings and healthy current account, I gambled last night first time for ages, lost £700 feel so bad today but I know with things in place and willpower I will be okay so will you, stay strong, be positive don’t let the devil that is gambling take hold again.  I know it’s not easy but it is achievable x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd May 2021 1:42 pm
RobertO2021
(@roberto2021)

Good Morning WayPastRockBottom

I can only echo was others have said to you, work on yourself for now and your finace should see time the improvements you have made and remember the person he fell in love with in the first place. It's a gamblers mentality to want an instant fix in life as I know all too well. Unfortunately mental and financial stability takes time and I am one of the most impatient people going but I have a much better life now that I am no longer going. One thing I do know is you can do this, just keep going One day at a time.

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th May 2021 8:43 am
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