1st day of Gamstop.

Good luck. It can be achieved

Physical meetings of gamblers anonymous is a much better experience and continued remedy away from gambling I have found. I have restored to using gam care website which has been helpful since my last failed fight again gambling.

I have been gambling on and off for nearly 15 years now and it wasn’t until 2016 I started to take action by admitting I am a compulsive gambler and going to a GA meeting. Sometimes the loneliness hurts just as much as the addiction it’s self  as well as the financial Armageddon that follows some times long after are last bet/gamble.

the best option is to place barriers in the way of gambling and to try to reorganise you’re habits and open yourself up to new things which may better yourself or others and by doing so with the steps in the GA book.

the journey maybe long but just for today I will not gamble.

Kind regards

dave

Thank you 🙂 I felt so proud of myself yesterday.. Today I feel very low thinking of how much 7 years gambling has cost me! Financially, emotionally.. And the effect it has had on my friendships. 

It’s easy to think of the past and what has been wasted but today and tomorrow can be the start of a betterment of ones self to enhance those damaged parts of ourselves the addiction has eroded away from us.

I of course have thought about what could have been money wise and friend ships but the longer I did gamble the less friends I had and more debt I got myself into and not living life to my true potentials.

there are of course many steps on the way to recovery so going over the material may help you become a better person and reflect on how to better ones self than dwell on what could have been.

I hope all is better today

take care joannieb 

dave 

Hi joannieb, allow yourself a period of reflection as we rightfully should after the damage we caused but......Don't get stuck in it as it will affect how you recover, say sorry where you need to , some won't believe you , in those cases what can you do? Put all your effort and determination into recovery show people that you can do this , and you can do it !! At the end of the day people who are not compulsive gamblers do not understand compulsive gambling and it's very difficult to try and explain. Obviously I can't speak for you but I know that I didn't intend to hurt anyone I got caught up in a very powerful spiral of addiction and I assume that is the same for you too. Dig deep now and take it a day at a time and the gamble free days will soon mount up. Today I'm day 343 after a 21year history with gambling not all of it compulsive but certainly the last few years of it were. Gamstop was a game changer for me along with my husband controlling our finances, of course I still get times where I struggle but I work through it instead of seeking escape in spinning reels !!. Take care of yourself and keep posting and reading its all helpful. Also consider contacting gamcare for help advisors are brilliant and can arrange counselling for you if you want to talk things through, I did and it was very helpful and now I attend GA meetings there's help out there if you open up to it

Dear @joannieb,

you've had some really helpful responses from Dave101 and Charlieboy and they are absolutely right - the past is the past and for a successful recovery it is crucial that you look to mend bridges with others, but first and foremost with your self.

One of the 'side effects' of having a gambling problem is a heavily battered self-esteem and feelings of shame and the guilt. It is part of the recovery process to become friends with yourself again. To make sure you do things that will improve your self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself. This doesn't come over night but with time it will happen.

I strongly recommend you read through Charlieboy's recovery diary. She is a real inspiration and she knows what she is talking about. So is Dave101 of course.

And as already suggested, please fee free to call us any time, we are here 24/7, especially at the beginning having that extra bit of support can help you through some tough patches.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you so much Dave! I realise its early days and today I do feel a little lighter. 

It's very strange not automatically waking up and opening up casino for slots!! But I already feel like I can see the old me starting to resurface.  I guess there will be good and bad days for sure! You give such good advice and I really appreciate it 🙂 

Thank you so much Charlie 🙂  so kind of you to share your thoughts and experiences!  I became totally compulsive! From when I woke up until when I went to bed!! Took everything from me.. I think it started with shame and obviously after 7  years led to more shame and just hiding myself away from the world! It has been an horrendous relationship.. I do talk to gamcare who have been wonderful.. I also now have a therapist who specialises in gambling addiction and I am so grateful for all 🙂

Well done to you for almost a year! That's amazing! I wish you continued success.. After all that time you must have such inner strength for sure? 

Glad you have taken steps to help your mental health. It's a very 2 way thing we gamble to escape our anxiety/depression ,the repercussions of gambling impact our mental health send anxiety off the scale and as Eva said self esteem becomes battered and fragile. My gambling started as a way of escaping the sorrow of miscarriages , in the form of bingo with friends it was fun I enjoyed it and for a couple of hours I could forget about my struggles to become a mum. I eventually became a mum to my stunning son who is 16 now!! Over the years I found that I turned to gambling to escape any upset the  worst started when my son became a teenager and obviously although we are still very close our relationship changed (rightly so of course) this in turn showed up massive voids in my relationship with my husband.....stuff I won't bore you with lol that's when online gambling really took off and as you said consumed hours and hours each day. Fast forward to now yes I feel that inner strength, peace, happiness. My self esteem is better ...I stand up for myself now. And I realise one day my lovely boy will fly the nest and I am actually looking forward to the rest of my life...I have choices ....I'm looking for projects etc. I'm aware that the addiction will always be there and I give it a healthy respect...I will never take off gamstop and I will always visit this site....complacency traps recovering gamblers and I know that bumps in the road will always be there but I choose to deal with them in other ways....I'm not scared any more. I'm trying to send you some positivity I will never forget how hard it is to admit to compulsive gambling . You've made great first steps take it one day at a time

Thank you so so much!!! I really appreciate you listening and sharing your own story... I had never gambled in my life.. Then I got some email link to bingo site.. Won £500 and that was the beginning of the end so speak.   7 years on and here I am. I can't believe the low depths I have gone to... Walked 5 hours to work as I'd spent last £10 on slots!  Gone without proper food for last 2 years.. I used to be uber healthy. Lost my flat, sold lovely things and clothes etc.. Stopped nearly all self care. I used to be so vain.. Well very well turned out.. Had a very adventurous life pre gambling.

Have literally hid myself away for years now, feeling constant shame and guilt.. Didn't talk to family about it as can be very judgemental.  So gamcare and therapy have been vital to me m

Sorry I'm probably over sharing now lol.. But honestly your reply was so welcomed!

Thank you ?

I'm sure everyone recovering has or had same feelings as me!! Initially having that sense of pride and elation that you have stopped this horrendous and shameful relationship with gambling!  Wanting to scream and shout about it to everyone?  But then, for me anyway, not being able to tell family as you don't speak to most of them and there would only be judgement for doing it in the first place!

The one person who has been my best friend for 30 years and who has given me money every month for over 3 years!!... Not knowing until few years ago that I was gambling... Since then she thought I'd stopped but because of how it had all affected my mental health, stopped phoning me (she lives abroad) she needed to protect her own mental health.... This is heartbreaking for me as she has been the most loyal friend and even though I have now stopped gambling albeit 4 days!!  I have lost her trust.

I am trying to forgive myself but after hiding away in shame for years it's hard to let go of this shame and guilt.

I have such admiration and compassion for all the people on here who are battling or have battled this vile addiction ?

Hi joannieb, your shame and embarrassment is normal and I think at the beginning of recovery is acute and painful. You don't feel worthy of forgiveness do you ? And I think forgiving yourself is particularly hard as ....You know right from wrong.....I very much struggled with it as my behaviour was very much against my core values that I was brought up with. Lying all the time became second nature when I was gambling I think I was lying to myself as well trying to justify my behaviour. I totally understand how you feel give it time, give your friend time, it takes a lot for people to trust again. You can build up trust from others by not gambling and showing determination. You have down days and at the beginning they seem to outweigh the good days but it will change for the better if you let it. Your mind is still clearing and at the moment your brain is still craving the dopamine but that you had whilst gambling but it will ease with each day you abstain. I still get down days but they are rare now and I repeat to myself " gambling is never the answer " and I force myself to think about what I did and it is definitely enough to make me shake it off. I am never never !! going back there. Dig deep, self care and keep posting how you feel

Thank you Charlie boy! I appreciate your support! Especially as you obviously truly understand!  It has affected every single part of my life!  I had such a adventurous life pre gambling.. Was known as kind hearted and moral.. Alcohol went hand in hand with watching those slots spinning!! All self care became non existent and living here with some very strange people... The gambling led to this but you carry on doing it because at the same time it takes your mind away from it!

I do message my friend via WhatsApp but its so distant.. I have cried a million tears over it.. Its like if I can't fixit then I can't forgive myself!

Today I am replacing gambling with an overload of good ? obviously a massive void to fill!

There has been quite alot of trauma in my life in last 10 years and reflecting now I can see how the accumulation of it in a way kept me gambling.. However I guess I could be using this as an excuse??

Just feel very sad and regretful..

But bless you for you message and congratulations to you for staying so strong! ???

Actually got of the sofa and went swimming! First time in years.. Did 38 laps, so quite pleased with myself.. I don't know about everyone else? But I feel like exercise is going to be a big part of helping me in my recovery!!

Along with the support on this forum and reading everyone's stories.. Very inspirational and as I'm not ready to talk about it with family having a platform to share your feelings good and bad is priceless!!

So thank you to all and sincerely wishing everyone ongoing success and strength on this journey to recovery ???