was planning on recognising in some way when I passed 100 days gf, but life got in the way.
we’ve had lots going on and I completely forgot that I had passed the first proper milestone I had set myself, which has both made me happy that it’s not played on my mind, but also scared me a bit.
I have now got what I can call as close to a normal life as any of us can, financial hurts have been healed, and although my wife is still very wary of my spending and checking our finances regularly, she is learning to trust me again.
the fear I guess comes from the fact that now the urges to relapse are dwindling, will the memory of how close I came to losing everything that mattered to me fade also, actually leaving me more exposed to relapse?
It’s almost as if I need the memory of that horrendous time of my life fresh, as a prompt not to fall back into the spiral. This seems counterproductive in the extreme but I have come to the conclusion that each stage of this process needs a tweak in how we handle it to succeed.
these forums are a great place to come at every stage so far for me, it only takes a couple of minutes of reading my original posts to see how far I’ve come, and to remind me of what I felt when I first made the decision to stop.
i also have a reminder on my phone that pings twice a day reminding me that I must never return to gambling, this is a good visual aid on a device where I did all my gambling.
looking forward to 150 days and beyond, I really think I can keep this addiction at bay for good.
all the best to everyone at whatever stage your recovery is at.
132 days, 132 DAYS! I’m struggling to process this tbh.
the first few weeks were hell, trying to deal with the pain I’d caused not only myself but my family as well. My dad was very disappointed, and although he was supportive I could see it in his eyes how much I had hurt him, same could be said of my wife, who had one foot out of the door when she first found out, but somehow she stuck around.
these feelings and memories are something I never want to forget, however painful, as whenever I have felt the urge to gamble, remembering this terrible time in my life is a great source of motivation to not give in.
people on here have said that you have this addiction for life, and it’s how you manage it that will make the difference, never a truer word spoken.
Its everywhere, sporting events, adverts, people at work talking about a flutter they’ve won on, you can’t avoid gambling, I think this needs to be looked at more closely by regulators as vulnerable people like myself are saturated with temptation every day.
fast forward to today, and I’ve done ok so far, I’ve been to pubs on nights out and not put a pound in the bandit ‘just in case I get lucky’, I’ve been to sporting events and not had a bet, and perhaps most importantly, I can go to work, come home, give my wife and son a huge hug, and try and enjoy my life knowing that I can look myself in the mirror every morning with some self-respect for the first time in years.
my finances will always be controlled by my mrs, every week I show her my spending account, and any other time she asks for it, she has the passwords to my credit reports, and we are saving for a holiday next year.
there are still moments when I think about relapse, but they are fleeting and as above remembering the pain keeps you strong.
This forum is amazing also! To chart where you started and what you felt at each stage of recovery is very helpful.
still got the rest of my life to deal with this addiction, but I have a life worth dealing with and I’ll be honest, it feels amazing.
day 200 gf has come and gone, and all is still well. The last few weeks have literally flown by with little thought given to the desire to gamble.
I have never managed this long without some form of gambling my entire life, whether it was a bit of loose change in the local pub bandit, stag do ending up in a casino, 10p Acca on the football etc, there was always some way I could chuck a bit of money at it.
proud to say that for the last 210 days I haven’t done any gambling whatsoever; I have put my family through the ringer with this addiction, but I can see hurts healing and trust being regained, and perhaps most importantly, self-respect returning.
genuinely this site and its forums are amazing! The advice, experience and wisdom from people has given me real strength, and re-enforced whenever I needed it that the path I took when I admitted my problem and made the decision to fix it was the absolute right thing to do.
I will never get complacent, there will always be temptation and danger of relapse, but I’m really proud to have come this far and look forward to celebrating day 300 GF
All the best to everyone on their own journeys, your words and actions on here mean a lot to all of us in this situation