I was getting urges last night to walk in the bookies and put a large bet on a tennis match winner. Woke up this morning and the bet would have won.... but really this does not matter. If the bet would have won, my diseased brain would have wanted more and more of that buzz. Even if I had spent all my winnings on goods, I would have ended up selling it all in the future so I could gamble again. But we all know that I wouldnt have spent the winnings on goods anyway, I would have tried to win more and more. But this is impossible - You cant win every bet.
Eventually the money would be all gone again and I would be living off scraps and not able to eat properly.
This is what gambling will do to you. I'm glad I didnt give in to the urge. The bet would have won but it would have ended up causing misery anyway.
Yes because as you really know the addiction is beyond all that.
There is no point thinking that way because we would have been back to hand all our money to them again.
Its a very confusing addiction. I used to wake up again after throwing away say £700. I could not for the life of me really fathom how I had just done that again with no warning barriers.
I could only talk it through as a drug urge and total loss of control as I chased the initial loss in some sort of trance rush. I could not stop because the drug was pushing the button and not really the money....until its too late and reality sinks in that I have chucked hundreds away like it was tokens or just bits of paper.
In therapy I realised that I wasnt even playing for amounts that would have made any real difference to my life. If I had really had a purpose for that money I could have borrowed it...well before my credit rating got shot with my gambling behaviour.
You make a good point and one i think about. I had no intention of spending the momey on goods. It was like was bored or scared of buying goods. My addiction seemed to be giving me reasons for not buying goods so it could have its fix.
In the back of my mind Ive been wanting a new turntable or games console for years but never bought one and now Im years behind the curve. Instead I chucked away many times the value of those goods into a slot machine...feeding notes in one after another like they had no meaning.
Crazy and all the proof I need that its a serious illness and addiction
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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