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Vicious cycle continues  

 
ringo
(@ringo)

Hi. I have been a member on here since 2011 which is a long time. It's a long time to still be making the same mistakes and feeling the same way. 

I have gambled for years on and off. I usually have at least 2 bad episodes of gambling a year which is enough to put me in a hole for a while.  Last time i lost about 5k which was about 5 months ago. 

Previously for some reason i had access to about 10k in money on credit cards and an overdraft and would use that to try and get rid of my debts. I could lose 9k and win back 10k with the last 1000 but then i'd lose it all anyway. Constantly up and down. 

Over the years i've been in 30-40k worth of debt which i managed to get out of and now i have no debt and access to money in my bank but there is at least something within me that stops me from losing it all. I lost 2k yesterday which was totally stupid, i was basically chasing a 200 loss and ended up spending the whole weekend watching the game trackers on different football games (needing over 1.5 goals each game). It makes me neglect my girlfriend, my health and my interests. It mainly upsets me that after so long i keep going back making the same mistakes and feeling the same way. I don't need money right now. I'm not rich or even close but i have a roof over my head and food in the fridge which is all i need. 

I woke today with the horrible doom and gloom feeling but also with optimism it will be the last time, but i have said that probably 100 times. I am trying to understand my relationship with it. It does give me a massive buzz, i love the feeling of winning and even when i lose i have hope to swing it back round. It's madness. I have often wondered if it's a control thing, the gambling and winning gives me an element of control maybe? It's really difficult to figure it all out if i'm honest. I know it's stupid but when i know i'm going to sit for the day gambling on football games i look forward to it. 

Today i will try and start again. It's really tough and it's a real problem for me that over the years as chipped away at my character amongst other things. I just wish to stop and find what i get from gambling elsewhere. It's a really horrible cycle i have been living and it's so up and down constantly.  

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Posted : 9th March 2020 8:38 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Ringo.

It is a long time to be making the same mistakes because its a drug addiction that doesnt want to let you go.

Youve got to sit down with that doom and gloom feeling and realise its no fun anymore. Its killing you to be blunt. You dont have that sort of money to lose. Recovery involves telling family and getting some support because its nothing to do with your willpower alone...youve got to do the cold turkey until reality gets a grip again. Even then you can never be complacent for the rest of your life

Its not an income scheme and its not the answer to what you are seeking. In what you have written you have still created a delusional comfort zone that you can ride this out. Your mental health is suffering on every roller coaster gambling ride you go on

What you are doing is extremely dangerous to your mental health, your finances and your life

I feel if you are honest the money would have gone back anyway as you now have an ill relationship with it to fuel addiction cravings. The cravings are for the adrenaline or dopamine hit of gambling.

You are not in control of your own mind..gambling is no good for you and you need to get it out of your life. They are not offering you life changing amounts unless the odds are so long that every loser has paid into the pot like the lottery.

Its a complex addiction...It plays on issues within your soul. For most gambling is an escape fix but whether you are an action or escape gambler is the same hook that alters your brain. You are hooked on chemical surges in the bloodstream just like any substance abuser and addict

Its not so tough when you reach out for help to get the blocks on and control your money. It is tough if you think you are going to sit alone in a room and just stop doing it without telling anybody close...It doesnt work like that...the addiction will laugh at your willpower alone...its been taking your money for years so you are going to need to fight your biggest foe with everything you can get help with.

It can be done. I just need to get through to you...What has gambling actually got you apart from extreme stress and worry?

You need to talk it through with non gamblers. Nobody would go to work would they! What do you know when facing teams of data analysts setting the odds

Life is much better gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 3 weeks ago 2 times by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th March 2020 3:43 pm
ringo
(@ringo)

Thanks for the reply. Helps to hear some harsh truths about the state gambling leaves you. And honestly nothing good as come from gambling at all. Some buzzes here and there and that's about it. It takes 100% control of my life when i am in that mode. I have actually self excluded from every uk site but i found some US based sites where i could join. i have excluded myself from these as well which ultimately takes away the option to gamble as i am not one for bookies or casinos. Just football and a little tennis. 

Mentally i feel drained right now although i have felt much lower from gambling so i know this isn't rock bottom and i don't want to reach there again. It happened before and it was horrendous. You lose way way more than just money. 

Just got to take it day by day and get past the weekends which are the worst for sports gamblers as it's so in your face. I have a lot of hobbies so there's other wise to get those endorphins flowing i just need to focus on those and keep reminding myself that it's not the way to go. Like everyone on here. 

Thanks again

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th March 2020 7:46 pm
Rpc2011
(@rpc2011)

Hi Ringo.  Your story sounds just like mine.  Constantly up and down.  Bad days when you lose all self control.  Very damaging to body and mind and of course finances.

Last Thursday I did so much damage in a shop the girl wouldn’t take another bet and actually offered me a self exclusion .  For me that was what some have spoken about on here as my ‘light bulb’ moment.   

I haven’t entered a shop from that day, I know it’s only 3 days ago but normally I would have spent Saturday chasing.   This week will be massive test as it’s Cheltenham week.

 

i wish you every success on your recovery.  

Joydivider s words have sunk in and I fully intend to stay out of the shops and leave my cards at home.   Trying not to dwell on what i have foolishly squandered over many years, though it is really hard to fight those negative thoughts.   But I have to fight it and win this war.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th March 2020 9:37 pm
Garn85
(@garn85)

I do the same, can’t wait for betting on football or the racing and neglect my wife to watch it/ bet in play. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th March 2020 10:13 pm
Matt692
(@matt692)

Hi 

I have taken strength from reading your story- the vicious circle!! This is the addiction- I have read the Allan Carr book -“the easy way to stop gambling” 

if only!! 
however what I got from the book was the explanation/ validity / sense of reason why someone who “is not stupid” would do and continue to do this time after time .... the vicious circle.

forme I can now look at the problem not as excluding myself from something, but more glad i am off the vicious wheel of doom!

keep posting and get out of the circle!

matt692

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th March 2020 3:53 am
Astaritl123
(@astaritl123)

Hello, 

There is so much that you have wrote about that i share, in terms of sentiment, with you. 

I only bet on in play overs. I have tried betting on horses, tennis, any sport you can think of, but its not the same buzz. 

When I quit gambling for periods of time, the one thing which I notice is that I have no distraction from the other issues in my life which I am hiding from. The problem I find is that if I address those issues, how can I be sure that I wont go back to gambling afterwards. 

Its a cruel, cruel addition. Make no mistake. I don't have the problem of taking out loans, but, of the £1400 I get each month in terms of pay, £1000 goes on debt and living, and the reset goes on gambling. This is not sustainable. I am certain in saying that your approach is not sustainable, either. 

Deep down I know that I can beat this, and deep down I also know that you can. 

Stay strong, soldier. 

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th March 2020 10:49 am
klamm
(@klamm)

disappointment awaits at the end of every gambling session. the odds of that are 100%. think of the disappointment when u getting urges 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th March 2020 9:54 pm
ringo
(@ringo)

Thanks for the replies. I believe these forums do help and it helps to know people do read what we all write down when we need to get it out of ourselves. It's so tough that's for sure. In the past i would come on here and either post or just read after i'd had some heavy gambling losses. Last year i lost around 3 or 4k and spent time on here reading. It helped but i soon forgot and once the pain, shame and guilt of losing the money disappears you get more comfortable and before you know it you start the little bets again. 

I started this time by just using a friends account, i'd send him 50 or 100 pounds and he'd place the bets or i'd just log in after he deposited for me (i've told him now about the problem and he's deleting his account which is nice of him). After a few weeks of losing i then managed to find sites i wasn't excluded from and it started again. These were none uk sites which i have excluded from as well. It's just scary how quickly it can escalate. I feel calm now. I'm still waking up really annoyed i lost the money but definitely motivated to find reasons why i keep doing this and motivated to do positive things whilst i am feeling somewhat low. A lot of my gambling is me trying to give myself a little security and i end up doing the opposite. I have always worried about what i will do in years to come for work and always think if i have a little in the bank things will be ok if things ever took a turn for the worse. It's mad because i could save and have that money for anything like that rather than give it to gambling sites. 

I want this to be the last time and i am determined to beat it, it's such a horrible disease that really takes over and makes good people feel like the worst kind. 

 

Good luck to everyone

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th March 2020 5:10 pm
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