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Female28
(@female28)

Hi all, im new to all of this today and am in need of urgent help.

I started gambling around 3 years ago for fun. I had taken out my first credit card and started gambling to pay it back. This didnt work. Im now approx 25k in debt. I still always gamble to “claw back” money ive lost or pay bills. This doesnt  work. 

For the past year ive been spending my whole salary within a few days of getting it on football bets, again trying to win money to “get ahead” on bills. I have had to borrow money from family to get by. I am now in the same situation where ive gambled all of my wages away and am not paid again until the end of next month. I have a mortgage and bills.

I can no longer rely on family help as they are as stuck as me financially and are not well off.

I have a partner and have had for a long time however cant tell him as he dispises gambling and that will be the end of our relationship for sure. I know you are all probably saying well you should have thought about that but the addiction/stress of debts overtakes.

At this point I need money for the weekly shops for the next few weeks as this is my part of the bills i look after at home and im due to docthe food shop tomorrow.

 

As ive said i have nobody i can turn to and my partner has a special diet due to health so unfortunately cant rely on foodbanks.

 

I have made all steps to stop gambling (gamcare etc) and really cant tell my partner.

 

please can someone offer practical and do-able advice. Thanks

This topic was modified 2 months ago by Female28
Quote
Posted : 25th February 2021 1:42 pm
c17ort
(@c17ort)

Good afternoon, 

The only advice I can give you is to come clean to your partner. 
The reason you are continuing to gamble is because it’s still your little secret so you can continue to get away with it. 

The best thing anyone with a gambling problem can do, is to talk. Tell the people that care the most because they are going to be the driving force behind you beating this horrible addiction. 

Make today be the day you quit for good by talking to the ones closest to you. 

All the best 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 2:40 pm
Female28
(@female28)

I have the choice to tell him however i will have to sacrifice my relationship because i know him so well and know he will end the relationship (all my fault i know). 
I have a mortgage etc with him so the whole thing would be a messy situation and dont know how id cope mentally as we work in the same firm also.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 2:48 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

Let me run something by you. It may hurt but it will help

The day you let your partner know is the day you will be ready to get help. The one who wants to keep the secret going is your gambler. Change is scary s**t sometimes, especially when you do not know what is coming. But it is like a choice lesser of two evils. Eventually, truth always prevails and that means you will have some dirty laundry to show or you will be presenting a complete shitstorm.  Try and figure out how you can talk. No one who needs help can do that in silence. You will find that once you make the correct decisions on this a whole new world will open up. Things have a way of working itself out. Don't be afraid.

Best

C

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 2:53 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@female28

There is no quick fix to your problem. It's really tough to say but I've been where you are and it's hard, but sometimes we need these moments when there is no getting out of something to make us stop and look at ourselves and decide enough is enough. Not say it so that someone lends us money or not say it so that our partners don't leave, but because you have finally had enough of gambling and the misery it is making of your life.

The only real option available is to talk to your partner. Whatever the consequences, surely he needs to know, and you would be surprised at the number of times that we fear the worst outcome but get support and love.

Turn it around, what would your reaction be if he told you something like this? Initial reaction anger. Then compassion, then support and help?

Bad advice would be telling you where to get more money because if you keep covering up the damage it'll never get sorted.

Good luck though.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 2:57 pm
Female28
(@female28)
 

I have the choice to tell him however i will have to sacrifice my relationship because i know him so well and know he will end the relationship (all my fault i know). 
I have a mortgage etc with him so the whole thing would be a messy situation and dont know how id cope mentally as we work in the same firm also.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 3:00 pm
Scottydogg
(@scottydogg)

Hi the only advice I  can give which work for me is to come clean and tell your partner they will be angry but you got to start there please don’t chase your loses put blocks in place        
   Scotty🍌🍌

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 3:57 pm
Female28
(@female28)

My replies to you all arent showing. It says awaiting moderation

This post was modified 2 months ago by Female28
This post was modified 2 months ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 4:05 pm
SensesFail
(@sensesfail)

Tell your partner, you need to come clean its the only way to completely change what your doing right now. Its probably going to be the hardest thing you will do, but you can't do this on your own. The help and support will be here for you.

All the advice given above from the other guys is absolutely spot on. We've all been through it. Keep us informed 👍

Take care, all the best!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 4:59 pm
 DePulsometros
(@depulsometros)

Good evening,

You are looking for a very short term solution to a long term addiction.

You are now panicking as to what can happen over the next few weeks due to debt and lack of funds. I think you should be contacting citizens advice or stepchange debt charity to advise you on what may be available to you short term.

My concern is that as soon you get any monies you will gamble as you are an addict.

Time to face up to some serious issues you have. Gambling any more is not a way out or a route to a fortune.

As mentioned earlier your partner must be made aware. Potentially they may have an idea something is not right.

No one on here is available to wave a magic wand and everything will take a turn for the better.

I wish you well and please take on board the good advice provided. Please continue to post.

Best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 7:12 pm
Female28
(@female28)

My partner will leave as he hates gambling and we have a mortgage etc and have been together a long time. It will all be a mess

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 7:56 pm
Debsy371
(@debsy371)

Can I suggest that you give the help line a call

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 10:11 pm
diamondhandz
(@diamondhandz)

Thank you for reaching out. Did you speak to a professional on this website, phone or live chat? £25k debt is a lot to be hiding and you are in the deep-end but there is a way out. You will need to setup debt plans to pay this off. Definitely, talk to stepchange.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 10:26 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hello Female 28 and welcome.

Let me put this another way. The addiction controls you and has already taken your self respect and dignity away. Its already a mess and you have given the gambling dens your food money.

Gambling is a drug addiction. It ruins people just as it is destroying you. It kills people to be blunt so tell me again what is awkward when facing the truth?

Facing the truth will ultimately set you free. It should start you on a proper recovery to save your life. That is the bit you are not grasping yet because you are a confused addict in panic mode. We fully understand as we have been there.

There is no shame in admitting to a gambling addiction and you must tell people you trust. The addiction likes secrets so you must be open and honest.

People will help but you are also protecting them so they dont throw any more good money towards you after your addicted cravings.

There is help. You need a born again moment to realise that you need help. It gets better with honesty...how much worse can your life get as you are already in the grip of a deadly addiction?

If he has a heart and sees anything in you, why would he not try and help?

If you love him you need to tell him to protect him and help yourself. You need to protect your family and friends so they can try and help you

You can get financial advice and nobody wants to see you on the streets. However you must stop this gambling....its a mugs game and it hooks people fast...you have been ignoring reality and you now need to ask yourself why when getting a full medical and theraputic check up...again no shame in that

Gambling addiction is a mental illness. Like us I'm sure you never did it with an evil laugh to hurt people. You couldn't help yourself as you craved it in a delusional state.

You can make it history and you will get through this if you seek help and adopt the tried and trusted advice

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 2 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 11:04 pm
X M
 X M
(@x-m)

You keep saying that telling him will sacrifice your relationship etc however if you did care about him and value him then you would come clean and tell him. It'll be the hardest but also the best thing that you will ever do in your life. You can't be as selfish as to not tell him and hope everything goes away. It's not fair on him. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th February 2021 11:16 pm
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