New to this! Just joined, really wanted to share my story and speak to people who are going through/been through what I am. I cannot speak to anyone else as no one knows and I am f*d up with hating myself.
Like most it all started with a win. Never had an issue before, started playing harmless bingo and then made the biggest mistake ever and clicked on slots...... I won like you do and that was it... the beginning of my uncontrollable addiction.
Thing is with me is that I have never gambled sober, only when I have a drink which is once a week and then suddenly, all consequences go out of the window, nothing else matters, zero care for the money I am spending because- I another * pound and i will win THIS TIME.
I loose all sense of reality, I am in this bubble and I spend and spend and spend. In the morning I feel sick because of what I have done. I hate myself, say I am never doing it again but I know that’s not true. I tried banning myself from everything but I find away of creating a new account, chasing the win that this time it’ll all be worth the anxiety and low because I will win big. Never happens. I am sick of it! I have lost so much money, in my overdraft, I have children!! No one knows, my husband knows a little but not the actual truth. I cannot stand the zero control I have and that it takes over. I could not drink but in some sense I have an addiction to that to, once a week maybe but I need it. It all interlinks. I need to stop. I need help, I hate myself. I wish I never pressed that first slot button and I am so embarrassed.
I can only offer my advice, which is one of experience as I have just about lost everything to gambling including my wife and son.
Whilst there may be other issues etc in your relationship, I would say,please tell your husband. Tell your friends you have a problem, you will hopefully be very pleasantly surprised by how supportive they wiil be.
Try and control the amount of money you take out with you.
But never look back as what is gone has gone, today is a new today and tomorrow a fresh start. I last gambled again, on 2nd July 2019, since then I have deleted all my own accounts, not felt afraid to tell people I have a problem, but I have been totally focused on not gambling today or tomorrow
Hi Gemma-Lee I am new on here too. The best advice I can give you from experience is be honest with your husband. It took me 7 years of being with my wife to tell her the full extent of my problem. It's not easy now as I have to talk about gambling everyday with her. A subject that I hate being mentioned but it is an important part of staying on the right path.
Yes most gamblers with a problem will share that with alcohol. You lower your inhibitions and are vulnerable when you drink. I'm the same. Tonight I faltered again and having a drink. I too hate myself with a passion. That self-loathing , detesting yourself and your weakness/not being able to cope, not being able to function. Tonight I finally got the email through about my gamban account has been verified. It's a start. I contacted both B*****d and Coral three days ago about self-excluding. No response, funny that.
I too have also downloaded gamban to my phone so I can no longer get access.
it is horrible, it is like I am searching for this feeling and I get it whilst playing slots but then the next day the low is just horrendous. I hate the feeling the get after doing it get love the feeling when I am doing it. It controls me and takes over. Nothing else matters. So nice to speak to someone who understands because other people just judge and I know will make me feel even more low then I already do. The self hating the next day and the anxiety consumes me.
Also gambling sights are not interested unless they are brain washing you and causing addiction. They don’t care to help. I seriously believe my addiction started because they new I was a beginning and then allowed me to win until they had trapped me and then I stopped winning and just spent over and over
I'm just the same and have been for years. I can manage it now and set myself a limit by setting restrictions to a monthly budget I can afford to lose. If you win a reasonable amount, withdraw it. Set your own limit, get used to it and I look forward to a monthly small gamble and consider it a treat. I found that watching other people lose money on you tube helps. Yes, you'll see some big wins but you can also see some massive losses. Some of these videos last over an hour and you can feel their pain. It serves as a reminder to me and helps me; it may do for you. I get the same satisfaction watching other people play. This might work for you. Save your money and open a savings account you can't access online.
Wow what you said sounds just what I would do. A bit of penny bingo a tenner here n there. Then one day...had a go on the slots...worse decision EVER!! And if I'd had a drink , sod it I'll deposit another amount so on and so on. Wake up feeling dreadful.
Put all the blocks in place gamban/help from gamcare, unsubscribe to all the website emails offering bonuses etc. And the thing that has helped me not gamble for the last 89 days is remembering that awful feeling of rock bottom. Sickening feeling..
This sounds so much like me too. I’m so sorry to hear this but speaking in here to other people in similar predicaments is the best thing you can do. Only you can actually stop though, I have learnt this after numerous counselling sessions and also having to declare myself as bankrupt a couple of years ago due to racking up thousands and thousands of pounds worth of debt due to the dreaded online slot addiction.