Just another day, took 2 grandsons to school, one had a hand held games computer in his hand playing, happy and constantly updating me on the fantastic score he's achieved on a particular game when the youngest shouts Grandad it's my turn tell him to give it to me.The other one shouts no it'll be your turn in the morning tell him Grandad.
We agree a compromise as i offer the one without a games computer my phone so he too can play a virtual game. Eventually it's time to go into school & the two of them take off towards the lollypop lady as i scream BOYS YOU'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR SCHOOL BAGS & BOOKS but it falls on deaf ears just as my advice DON'T RUN does.
God it's great to be alive as i eventually catch up with them to give them their school bags & books before they enter their classrooms. We kiss. i tell them to have a good day & in the blink of an eye they're gone. The little one's last words are GRANDAD DON'T FORGET IT'S MY TURN FOR THE COMPUTER TOMMOROW. Trouble & strife yet not a thought of what will win or lose on this particular day.
I've missed so much whilst chained,like a humble obedient servant to the gambling industry. I get home thinking phew that little one could create an argument in an empty house & that cup of tea tastes wonderful as i ponder my earlier journey, playing referee trying to concentrate on driving whilst they argue & exchange insults & tell me how unjust their lives are.
You know what I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORNING TO COME. Life is so good without gambling, just wish i'd tasted it sooner.
We Can Change
What a lovely post AL and so clear to hear the pride in your voice as I read it back , not only pride in your Grandchildren but most importantly the pride being restored to yourself and your life is plain to see .
We've spent far too long oblivious to what's going on in our lives and shackled to addiction and as the title of your post say's " The chain's are indeed broken " .
Enjoy your morning my friend , you deserve it :)) .
Hi Dave & A9,
Thanks again for your words of support & kindness. Another school run over & i'm soaking wet. Had to tell the little one off this morning for being horrible to his 7 year old brother & only the eldest one gave me a hug before he went into school. The 5 year old just turned his back on meas i held out my arms lol.
I read your posts before we set off and it's true A9 i do feel a sense of pride when i see them going into school. and you know what i feel proud of myself. This time last year i wasn't contributing at all to our family, financing the next gamble were the only thoughts in my mind. I was so solitary & thoughts of getting children to school, sitting listen to them read a school story book were quite alien to me.
When i logged in my profile said i joined on the 24th of August 2018. Although i haven't gambled there was little interaction with others for the first few months. All i wanted to do was wallow in how much i hated myself & how worthless i was. Who knows maybe punishing ourselves is part of the healing process.
You're so right Dave when you say precious time and relationships in healthy ways. I'm learning everyday & feel despite my past i am a better man ( far from perfect ) but so much better. Thoughts of gambling still come & go but now i'm not totally consumed & controlled by them. They're slowly but surely being replaced by that sense of pride you describe A9. What a difference a few months of abstinence can make.
I was physically drained & mentally quite damaged when i first came here, without any sense of hope & resigned to the fact i was never going to be any good. Now i feel a great joy & sense of pride in all our 7 grandsons. The eldest one's nearly 16 and doing his A levels right now and his teachers are expecting him to do well. In August ( i think it's August ) on results day his mam & dad have asked me if i'd like to come along & see him receive his results. I'm counting the days,just can't wait to share weather it brings him joy or disappointment. All i want from him is to do what i'm learning to do right now BE THE BEST HE CAN.
Sincere Best Wishes Both
can I just say what a wonderful uplifting post. I can feel the positivity radiating from you, and it truly makes me smile. You have done so amazingly well, and it sounds like you have fantastic grandkids. Keep doing what you are doing, and I will use you as inspiration
I feel physically and mentally broken, but reading your post has given me such hope. I hope everyday you feel as happy as this, and one day I can feel as happy as you.
If my story gave you a lift that's great news. I was 63 when i came here for help (64 now ) & more than 40 years of gambling took it's toll on me too. I've just been so blind as far as the things that really matter in life & have to say the fog is slowly clearing and i haven't been this happy in life for years.
I'd like to know your story if you can find the time to tell me one day, but i know you can beat this if you want to. Eventually you will feel better & be happy. You talk about hope & there's always hope even for someone my age. The bottom line is it's never too late to change. My story wasn't a solo effort i've had fantastic support from so many great people on here. I've had ups & downs. highs & lows mood swings where i was tempted to crawl back in a hole & return to the destructive forces that caused so much hurt for me and others. When i got like that it was talking to others who freely gave a helping hand with advice & support that got me through the bad times.
Keep posting, and believe me no matter how bad things are life only gets better when we stop.
Sincere Best Wishes
Wow Al found that very emotional .your living your life and really enjoying it really happy for you im using u as my inspiration cos I want to be there enjoying life do the normal things that we take for granted but seem to neglect cos there not important to us for being a cg .. im slowly seeing the light and getting stronger in my journey..thanks Al