hi, I'm checking in as I've now completed 60 days GF.
The change in two months has been so vast. For me, the turning point was telling my husband and two friends. I'd hidden things for 4 years- sometimes quitting but never with any real dedication I think honesty (with myself or others).
Ive not told everyone- family don't know, just the 3 people I mentioned previously. My counsellor is very supportive of this and doesn't feel that gambling has to define you and everyone doesn't have to know- though I do know some support groups advocate the shouting from the rooftops to prevent any hiding away or access to borrowing funds. However, my approach has been to tackle from the roots and it seems to be working. I've not handed full control to my husband financially- though he has all login details for bank and credit reports to check as and when he wants to. Tohave handed full control doesn't sit right with either of us, no matter the circumstances. But I did give him the option, should he have needed full control for his own peace of mind.
My success has came from weekly counselling sessions tacking the root of the problems and unhappiness. I've had Gamban and Gamstop in place to tackle the initial urges. Though I can honestly say after Week 6 I have not had one urge. Someone bought me a scratchcard for my birthday (not something I had a problem with) but still I handed it straight over to my husband to do it as I didn't want to. The nightmares have stopped and I'm feeling better. My husband and I communicated about bigger problems we had in our relationship and we are now much much better. In his eyes, this is over and done with, we've dealt with it and I'm talking to him about the counselling.
this forum has been a great support but I've been finding the need to come on lessen and lessen as I no longer think about gambling daily. I'm not naive, I know this is a long term fight, but I don't believe I am a gambling addict for life. It's something that has affected me before but it doesn't define me, it doesn't mean I am doomed to forever be it. I can and will continue to be gamble free. I will never again put myself in a situation where I am tempted to gamble: this is on me to do- not my husband or friends to enforce on me. At first, yes. But now, no. I can truly say today that even if I had no blocks in place and £10k in my account that I wouldn't gamble. However, I don't want to ever have thAt option so will keep all my blocks in place forever.
I never thought I could do this, but I can. You can too. I think owning up has to be a good move and putting the blocks in place but there are a million different ways to tackle this addiction and what I've learned is you have to do what's right for you. For me, I had to deal with my head through counselling, I had to tell my husband the truth and I had to have the blocks in place (I definitely needed them in the first few weeks!).
Heres to another 60 days!
Excellent recovery program. Well done!
Hi
By abstaining from my main addiction reduced the pains I was causing myself.
By abstaining from one addiction did not stop me trying to escape in other ways to another addiction or obsessions.
Each fear that was not faced or resolved was a consequence of pains in my life that were not healed.
I want to be free of all fears today.
I want to be able to trust myself once more.
Yet by attending meetings I would start to relate to other people, I would be able to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I would be able to see in myself both healthy and unhealthy habits.
In time I would heal the hurt inner child in me.
In time I would be able to live life with out fear and self doubt any more.
My conscience is spiritual based, and I am able to interact with people today in healthy ways rather than react in unhealthy ways today.
My unhealthy reactions in anger indicated to me that my hurt inner child was not healed.
The recovery program helped me understand that I could not do it on my own, to become healthy I needed to listen learn and relate from other people, to see and feel myself in other people and their experiences healthy and unhealthy.
Today I have more balance in my life which helped me move from obsessive to being even more balanced in my life.
The recovery program helped me become healthier and healthier each day, to be healthier in my thinking and interact in healthy ways.
The gambling was never about the money, the gambling for me was about escape and my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed. My emotional triggers were my fears not faced.
My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect causing myself pains time and time again.
My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy. My emotional triggers were my feelings of being bored. I can be honest today with out being cruel or adversely affecting other people. I can embrace change towards healthy habits today.
My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.
My unhealthy reactions in anger, resentments, impatience intolerance, jealous, envy, rage, lack of trust, guilt shame regret remorse penance person pleasing vengeance mistrust self worth low self esteem indicate that I am not fully healthy and not at serenity with myself today.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my feelings of boredom because I felt that life was boring, that I could succeed, that I avoided facing being accountable and I avoided facing challenges in my life.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.
I want every one to be free of all fears towards me today.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Thank you, I find your post really re assuring that there is an end in sight. I have my first telephone counselling session on Tuesday ..
onwards and upwards and well done to you.
Good luck on your journey @kf91 - you can absolutely do this! It's so hard but I promise it gets easier, sometimes even in months. I'm not out the woods yet and there's lots of vastly more experienced and much longer GF friends on here who can guide you in the time of need. I've found their stories a huge motivation and their support incredible. Wishing you all the best and well done for taking those first steps.
Good luck on your journey @kf91 - you can absolutely do this! It's so hard but I promise it gets easier, sometimes even in months. I'm not out the woods yet and there's lots of vastly more experienced and much longer GF friends on here who can guide you in the time of need. I've found their stories a huge motivation and their support incredible. Wishing you all the best and well done for taking those first steps.
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