ive felt so depressed lately because i cant stop thinking about the money ive lost recently. The things i could of done with the money ive lost, im extremely angry with myself. I feel like a terrible mother because i could of spent it on my daughter and step children. Has anyone else felt this way and if so how do i get past it?
Welcome to the site and seeking support. I am a single mum and have gambled for far too many years but currently on day 117 and life is ten times better. Well done for acknowledging you have a problem - that takes courage and although very difficult to accept is the beginning of tackling this addiction. It can be difficult accepting the losses, however, you have to accept the money is gone to move forward. Holding on to the losses only takes us back to wanting to win it back but as you probably realise by now, like myself and most others on this site, it doesn’t matter how much we win, we always put it back and can’t stop. This is gambling addiction. Amounts are all relative to what someone can afford/get access to and I assume the amount you stated is a lot of money to you but and it’s a big BUT, if you don’t start to get to grips with this now, it could easily turn into a much bigger figure with a 0 or two added. The losses are painful and do take some getting over but hopefully you’re at a stage where it’s recoverable over a period of time. You have to accept you won’t get that money back and what’s done is done, what really is important is how you move forward from here.
I understand how it can make you feel like a bad mother but money isn’t everything and as long as your kids are loved and have the basic necessities then you are far from a bad mother or person. Just somewhere along the line you went of track but with support and help, you can get back onto the track for a better future.
What have you done so far to stop this happening again? Have you put blocks in place? Spoken to anyone?
It would be helpful if you shared a bit more background information so people here can support and advise you on moving forward.
the online sites i have self excluded myself from i did contact gamstop i gave them all my information but i never heard anything back i will give them a call tomorrow see whats happeneing. In regards to what have i done to prevent gambling again well like i said ive self excluded from all the sites that i had and it was alot. Ive also spoke to my partner and mother about my addiction and they have taken control of my money and finances for a while. Ive set myself some goals that i want to accomplish in the near future. I want to learn how to drive and that isnt cheap. I want to have some savings something ive never had in my life savings for a rainy day for me and my kids. I want to loose some weight atleast 7 stone cos not only am i a gambling addict i eat to much aswell so ive got goals that i want to accomplish.
It sounds like you’ve already put a lot of positive things in place and talking to family members is huge. A lot of people avoid doing it but it is important to have the support around you to help you through rough times in recovery so that is such a big step to take. Have you considered counselling or maybe contact gamcare about the Cbt course they offer?
In answer to your question about getting over the losses, it takes time to accept it and by taking all of the right actions which you have taken, it will get better. Have you explored why you gamble? We often think it’s about the money and obviously that is part of it but for a lot of people it’s about escape. Trying to forget about the outside world, being bored or feeling lonely and in reality the money isn’t a main factor other than the fact it results in dire consequences.
Having goals is great and very important to give you some focus. Recovery isn’t just about stopping gambling but a life change, tackling the reasons behind why we gamble, filling out time with hobbies and things we enjoy. I also can relate to the eating part as I definitely tend to eat all the wrong things, have a mega sweet tooth and would definitely eat out of boredom or comfort eating. Interestingly I have found that since being gf I have managed to get this under control as I find more things to fill the time and don’t then get the temptation to keep opening the cupboards. As each day goes by it does get easier, the most important thing is to remember to be kind to yourself, try not to beat yourself up too much over it as it won’t help you move forward and you can’t change what’s done but you have the power to change your future and build that rainy day fund you mentioned. 🙂
Your right about there being a reason behind the gambling not just because of the money but when im feeling down i gamble just like i eat when im feeling down when im bored i gamble just like i eat when im bored... i have issues in more shapes that just my gambling addiction but an eating issue too. Ive joined slimming world before and list over 3 stone but then i get down again and start eating and it all goes back on and the same way for the gambling too i stopped for a while but then i started again... the worrying thing is im a relief supervisor in an AGC and need to overcome this before i go back to work.
I completely understand that as I have been the same. I have tried to stop many times and ended back in a cycle as you’ve mentioned. I can honestly say this time feels different and I have no desire to gamble whatsoever but it’s taken me a long time to get to this point and only now that I have addressed a lot of the issues from my past which were one of the main reasons I gambled. Now I have acknowledged them and accepted it I feel I can move forward. Definitely have a think about getting some other help to help you work on those other reasons. If they’re not tackled, you more likely to go round in circles instead of a straight path forward. Addiction is such a complex thing but it definitely helps talking to others who understand when others don’t.
Im not sure what AGC is but I hope you get some of this figured out before you go back.
Well done for reaching out, and thank you for sharing your experience on the forum.
Livelysoul has already given you some fantastic support and advice, I just wanted to expand on her mentions of speaking to someone, counselling, and online CBT. We have advisers who are available 24/7 whenever you want to talk to someone about your gambling. They will listen non-judgmentally and offer advice tailored to your situation. They can also explain to you the different options for free treatment.
It sounds like this would be a good idea to help you explore and understand you're gambling, giving you the best chance of stopping. By accessing treatment, you would have the support of a trained practitioner throughout your recovery, alongside the support you're already getting from your family. You can get in touch on our Helpline (0808 8020 133) or Netline (our webchat facility) any time.
It's very common for people who work in the industry to develop problem gambling, you are far from alone. The good news is that there's lots of support available.
All the best,
Just popped by to see how your day has been?
I saw your response about AGC. That must make it really tough as there’s no getting away from it.
Just thought I’d mention there is a chatroom on here twice a day at 1pm and 8pm which myself and many others often visit to chat about stresses, support each other and share ideas. Maybe pop in one day if you want to share anything or just a chat with people going through the same thing.