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Loulou
(@loulou)

I'm really struggling tonight and yes I've gambled even though have gamstop it was an affordable amount and i didnt loose and stopped after I I won but it's not the point. I'm failing I feel like I need gambling.

Im Feeling very low and in a dark place...had a call going through a letter I received about a police case  from when someone hurt me..so that was upsetting bringing it all back. 

Then i log on social media and find out that my old school teacher has took her own life that really hit a chord I feel so sad about it 🙁

I almost feel like I'm heading down the same path..every day is a constant battle and I'm getting tired.

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Posted : 5th October 2020 8:51 pm
Hicks
(@hicks)

Hello LouLou, 

I hope you receive this message because I only joined 4hrs ago and my posts are "awaiting moderation", however I just wanted to respond to you that I feel the pain in your message. I can't say anything to make it better for you except to say hundreds of us, me, hundreds more have felt like you are feeling now.

I am sending you strength and love. Ride out the storm. Things will get better.

Things won't always feel as bleak as they do in this moment. Gambling isn't the problem. Dig?

John x

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Posted : 5th October 2020 9:21 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

Received thankyou so much for replying John how are you doing ?? Hope you find the help support you need from the site.

gamblings isn't the problem I guess but it becomes on and just adds to the problems.

Thanks for the message..I just hope things get easier :'(  

 

 

 

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Posted : 5th October 2020 10:24 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

Woke up still feeling low

Off to work today at least it's a distraction from my problems. Go fake a smile and get on with it

Phone call with gambling clinic for assessment tomorrow so see how that goes.

I have been gambling small affordable amounts not justifying it but at least it is controlled just got to be careful

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th October 2020 9:18 am
Loulou
(@loulou)

Also I think I am getting there in recovery as I have passed a lot of opportunities to gamble instead of looking at it that I will win that money I think can I afford to loose that money instead. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th October 2020 9:24 am
sanpablo
(@sanpablo)

Well done Lou. Stay strong and there will be better days ahead. If it was easy then we wouldn’t need GamCare, each other etc etc.

 

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Posted : 6th October 2020 7:39 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

Managed to get through work but the second I finish I'm back to these dark thoughts and feelings 🙁

Some people will never really understand how hard it is daily to battle with such dark thoughts it's not as easy as some may think it is. 

I dont feel like I have a future 

This post was modified 3 weeks ago by Loulou
ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th October 2020 9:18 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi loulou, I completely understand what you are saying. At my worst I used to say "if only there was a switch in my head that I could switch my mind off for an hour or two a day" I don't think people can understand if they haven't been affected. I used to get sick to death of myself , the intrusive thoughts over and over. But I am better now and I actually get what I craved for ...times when I'm not really thinking about anything in particular !! Hope you get some peace stick with it, I never thought that I would get peace but I have...don't give up hope

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Posted : 7th October 2020 8:27 am
Raja41
(@raja41)

Hi ,

its my first day staying away from it so i can understand your pain and the void you must be feeling,,it eats you you inside ,,,the world around you seems colourless,,i am a 20years clean recovering addict stuck in gambling ,,never knew that it will begome biggwr problem one day then drugs “only myntra is ....practice “One day at a time” and things will be back on track “ 

Relax ! No problem is bigger then God 👍🏻Good luck 

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Posted : 7th October 2020 9:17 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

Cant stop crying I feel like self harming tonight I cant calm down i missed most of chatroom because I was stupidly gambling :'(

In pieces tried to ring gamcare but they told me they cant speak to me because I already spoke to them earlier today, being turned away when your crying down the phone and begging for help just tears you more apart I'm in a state now I feel like gambling even more I cant cope.

 

Just a 5 min chat to have calmed me down and talked through it would have helped instead now I just cant calm down and I'm in a worse place and alone and just want it all to stop :'( 

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Posted : 7th October 2020 9:19 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

 I just need this to stop :'(

I cant cope anymore 

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Posted : 7th October 2020 9:26 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

Had a call back from gamcare that's been so helpful I've managed to calm down so much

Time to iron my uniform and get ready for work tomorrow. Going to make a drink and go to bed. My job means the world to me

Dont even know why I got so distressed I've gambled an affordable amount but it was more the cycle I got in and distressed. I'm not going near any of it tonight 

I had an appointment assessment with gambling clinic this morning I think starting gambling when I was struggling with working too many shifts triggered my poor mental health it's one big cycle. 

Hoping the gambling clinic can offer some help to make me not feel the need to want to gamble. I'm nearly debt free 1 year to go I've actually done so well in recovery i dont want to mess it all up now

 

Night xxx

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Posted : 7th October 2020 10:29 pm
Pauljh
(@pauljh)

Hi LouLou

Just wanted to say hi and hope you're feeling better today?  It struck a cord that while I was addicted to gambling, it wasn't the main issue.  In my case it was alcohol, and womanising also.  All linked but alcohol was the worst.  When you look at it all it seems terrible.  But actually break it down and tackle each component part, actually it can get better with a plan for each.  Bit by bit.  Family have been amazing - despite the hurt.  Money worries you can sort - when you stop the waste you see benefits almost straight away, at the very least not getting deeper into a hole. 

So all the best - hope you manage to sort things bit by bit and keep in touch ok!

Paul

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Posted : 8th October 2020 8:36 pm
RobW88
(@robw88)

Hey LouLou,

 

Don't ever feel alone, alot of people have problems of some sort, in this instance we are gamblers.

The more you talk about it with others in the same boat as you (including myself) the better direction we can get to overcoming this 🙂

 

Hugs x

 

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Posted : 10th October 2020 7:50 pm
Loulou
(@loulou)

10 days gamble free but it's been awful..ended up in a bad way..spent couple days in hospital for mental health and was feeling physically unwell. 

I realised when a nurse said to me what do you do in your spare time I thought well it was gambling but now maybe that's why I've struggled even more ..not gambling even though I know gambling causes more harm than good. Also work has been extremely stressful due to poor staffing and staff at each other all the time. I told my manager I need time off work for next shift hoping she could let me have annual leave as she previously said if I'm struggling just ask for leave as my sickness score is bad. But the staffing is so poor the pressure is there..works the thing that keeps me going but it's tough recently low staffing levels ..demands are higher and everyone is stressed and taking it out on one another 

I have had an assessment with gambling clinic they tried to offer some treatment options but I was in a bad way when they phoned. 

I'm tired of all this now..when I feel like I need mental health support it can feel a battle..when I left hospital they said phone the crisis team as many times as you need to if struggling over night..I phoned them 3 hours ago but it can take a while as there always busy. Being on ward helped last night and today they was really supportive..yesterday morning I almost left and didnt go back because it had got to 2pm without being able to speak to a staff member ..my blood sugar was low and I hadn't had medication which could have made it worse. Least I've had something to eat drink and rest.

Now I'm home it's just trying to fill the empty gambling void

Gambling is an enemy but at the same time it can feel like a freind 

 

 

This post was modified 1 week ago by Loulou
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Posted : 18th October 2020 10:46 pm
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