Struggling.

hi apricot

Many people have a story like yours ,you can see the damage you are doing but feel unable to stop , ive now stopped for over a month due to gamcare and ive been amazed at the help they give , but also your husband probably feels at the end of his tether and needs help so he can also help you . You wont get the money youve gambled back but you can decide to reach out to gamcare and rebuild your life and hopefully your marriage . It might be an idea to talk to your husband and engage with gamcare together but whatever happens you can stop as many others have .

Thanks so much for replying. Well done for stopping, it takes alot. I just so desperately want to stop and also save my marriage. I feel like it might be too late for that but we'll see. 

If you can get to the stage you have total transparency with your husband, that's the best way. I'd consider telling him how you feel and taking drastic action. I'd suggest if you work, have your wages transferred from your bank into his for a full year and he will give you money when you need it. This sounds extreme but it will give you a better chance to breathe and have a week, month and year off of gambling, taking it a day at a time. If you are online, sign up to GAMSTOP, I just did after losing a horrible amount of money which I'll now have to pay for with pension contributions and loan repayments, I can just about afford it but have spoiled any extra income for the next 5 years. All the best, take care.

Thank you.

I did try transferring my wages into his account but whenever I asked for any, even in cash, he would say no. Well done on your recovery, it takes a huge amount of willpower. 

Dear Apricot,

I am so glad that you have written this; it sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment but please know that you are not alone and there is a lot of advice, and more importantly support, available to you.

I can imagine that it took a lot of courage to write these words, you sound frightened and upset but we are here to help. You have made a really positive step today just by reaching out. As I am sure you will find, the Forum is a welcoming and supportive space which allows you to talk to others who may also be experiencing similar issues to yourself.

I am concerned to hear you say that your husband is always shouting at you; that is never something that is okay. You also mention that you do not have any money and dependants; is that due to gambling or because you have no access to money, which is why you are gambling? It is not uncommon for people to gamble as a way of coping with other things that may be going on in their lives but unfortunately it can soon start to become part of the bigger problem too.

I would encourage you to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you. 

Wishing you all the very best,

Helen

Forum Admin

Hi Apricot,

I was in the same situation as you not so long ago! 81 days ago in fact. If you want to stop gambling (I don’t know what you gamble on scratch cards, online etc) there is gamstop and that blocks all of the sites so you cannot gamble, that would be the first step! I know it is quite a big thing, to actually take away the thing that is your escape but without doing you’ll never really stop! The next thing I would suggest is putting the kids to bed one evening, and (only if you feel safe, you before your husbands always shouting) sit down and have a heart to heart with him! Write down the things that he does that put you on edge, write down the hurtful things he says to you and explain you are willing to quit gambling if he will stop shouting and getting angry with you! I’m guessing that as soon as he’s out the door you start gambling, I did! I’d have an argument with my husband and when he went to work I’d gamble until I’d run out money or he came home! 
The thing is your husband will be frustrated because your gambling behaviour is going to effect him and the kids, but he might not really understand him being angry with you is a trigger for that behaviour so it’s a horrible cycle that will not stop until you both make changes!

good luck jadie x

Thoughts are with you Apricot.  I’m just starting to surface from a very dark place.  All I can add to the lovely replies and advice above is to be gentle with yourself.  I now view gambling, thanks to this forum and the talks i’ve had both online and via the phone with GamCare, as a form of illness.  From which you need time and support to heal.