I’m back because I’m feeling those feelings again when you’ve lost everything and it’s eating you up inside but you can’t talk about it to anyone because you’re gonna hate their answers. From being deep in the hole I managed to borrow some money and really bring myself back into profit on Thursday. Today I’ve P****d all that away after going on a long run and trying to shake the anxiety off with exercise but it didn’t work. I’m so annoyed with myself. I’m here yet again writing another contribution to this forum all because I couldn’t walk away. After coming back from the deepest hole and even paying the person back straight away that lent me money to get me out. I still find myself back here again and it’s so heartbreaking and depressing and every negative emotion you can feel. Meh. Not sure what I’m expecting from this but it just feels like the routine at this point with what I do after I come out of the reel trance with f**k all but my reoccurring depression.
c
Hi Cal
im the same, gave up gambling set savings and pay off debt goals and lost £1000 last night. I hate myself, can’t tell anyone because I made so many promises last time. I won’t sleep for days now worrying. I have depression and anxiety, I try to clear my head and look to the future. It has been working but not last night. I am hoping it’s just a blip
Hi 🙂
Ive done the only other steps I can put in place to protect myself which is up the GAMSTOP to 5 years and I’m gonna register for the blanket exclusion to all bookies near me. Along side re setting up the annual direct debit for Gamban. I only went for the one year with gamstop originally because I thought in a years time I’ll have more self control with it and that at that point I should be able to actually make money playing online. What this weekend has shown me is it never matters how up I am it never feels like enough and I keep going until I’m left with nothing. And that’s playing the machines in the bookies as well so i can’t imagine I’m anywhere close to having the self control to have the bookie on my phone again for whenever the itch returns it’s in my pocket. I can’t do anymore now externally for help. I’ve got the max gamstop of 5 years, gamban software and I’ll be excluded from local bookies tomorrow when their lines open up to call. The rest is just down to me now.
I wish you all the best with your journey and thanks for responding to me.
C
Yes there's more you can do.
You can find a GA meeting and attend. You can call the Gamcare advisers and talk about the various programs they run in affiliation with local counselling groups or you can just talk to someone who won't judge you. How did you feel in the past when you get to air something and get it off your chest?
The benefit of doing self help groups, like GA, is 1. Everyone there understands you. 2. They've faced the challenges that you'll be facing and can give advice through experience. 3. It becomes about recovery, not just abstinence.
If all you do is block gambling, what happens when those blocks aren't there? Abstinence is just not betting, but recovery is changing yourself so that you are stronger not to go back to gambling, and realising that you will never be in control of it.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. Try something different.
Chris.
Hello Cal.J,
We're sorry to hear you've relapsed and you feel that you've done as much as you can now to prevent yourself. We'd just like to echo what Chris.UK has said - both Gamblers Anonymous and GamCare can offer support and recovery programmes to help you.
Why not give us a call on the Helpline, either on 0808 8020 133, or by Livechat? We're here 24/7.
You can also find out more about our treatment options on our website:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/
Keep posting,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
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