Selfish actions have ruined life and destroyed family

4 Posts
4 Users
0 Likes
3,484 Views
(@aj1234)
Posts: 1
Topic starter
 

Hello,

I have recently been found out by my partner about my big gambling addiction.

In finding out she also discovered that I had been visiting some chat websites and have actually met up twice with people on this website. I won’t go into details but it didn’t involve knowing who the person was and it was a very brief encounter.

My gambling over the last few years has gotten severely worse and I have lost/spent on credit cards in excess of £40k. Money my family can’t afford. I was going to bed early gambling on slot machines to try and win back my money and then I wouldn’t have to tell my wife about the loss of money. When I lost big for some reason I visited the other website and  on two occasions I then met up with people on this website. I was very low at the time. 

I suppose I’m trying to find the reason behind why I cheated on a wife that I truly love and put my family in jeporday.

I am getting help via Gamcare with my gambling but I need additional support/ answers as to why I felt the need to visit the other site and go through with cheating?

 

any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.  

 
Posted : 31st August 2020 7:00 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)
Posts: 887
 

@aj1234  

I understand your behaviour. I have seen a lot of people come through the GA rooms with all sorts of different addictions as well as gambling, and just like compulsive gambling is an escape from our feelings, then some people choose to use drink, drugs, food or s*x as an escape  as well.  

My advice would be to get to a GA room and if you can put the work into it then you will find that as your gambling gets put on hold, so do the other behaviours linked to your emotions around gambling. In your case it sounds like meeting women after a gambling binge is your escape. Maybe give the Gamcare advisers a call and they may be able to recommend some counselling. 

Chris.

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 31st August 2020 10:18 am
(@charlieboy)
Posts: 1013
 

Hi AJ. I sincerely hope that you are getting help for your problems and that your wife is too and finds peace. A person who I supported and didn't judge when she was found out cheating on her husband did not afford me the same non judgemental attitude and support when my compulsive gambling became known. She called me an " appalling creature " it made me feel even sadder at a time when I needed support the most. In 30 years of nursing men, women, men dressed as women , transgender men and women, prisoners, etc etc the list is endless, that people who in their worst hour do not need judgement but help and support. You do not have to agree with or condone someone's actions to offer support. Obviously there are things that none of us feel able to look past but there is certainly none of that in your post. Any addiction is intertwined with other things and I would imagine cheating is a common one as when you're living on the edge everything snowballs. I would imagine that there are many on here that have done things after gambling especially after losing a lot and are in that self loathing state that every compulsive gambler knows. If you are having counselling through gamcare? That counsellor should be open to exploring other things with you or recommending someone who can help you. Talking through all these issues could help you make some sense of things

This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 31st August 2020 12:32 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

AJ123. Congratulations on joining the gamcare community and thank you for your honesty and openness.

I wish you every success in stopping gambling and hope you can resolve the worrying issues that are jeopardising the future happiness of you and your family.

Stay strong friend and never lose hope. We can rediscover ourselves.

 

Aum   Aum   Aum

?  ?  ?

 

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 31st August 2020 12:35 pm

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close