Bit of background:
I suspect my story will be similar to most in here. I grew up in the pub scene with my mates (Im 39 now). I didnt go to Uni I just followed my friends there for the party scene.
I was asked to move out Friday by my wife after I gambled most of my wages away on an online casino which meant most DD’s remain unpaid (with the exception of the Mortgage and Council Tax). I already have £50k of debts, not all from gambling just poor budgeting from my last job where I would rack up expenses in a month and be short so when I was paid them back to my account I would use that to fund the shortfall.
I have two kids 7 & 9 and I am genuinely lost without them. I have just had a CBT referral through so hoping that will have a bearing.
My addiction’s problem be it alcohol, drugs or gambling, I use it as respite I guess, an outlet if you will and in the case of gambling a means to transform our lives and fix things, though it really does have the opposite effect. I watched this recently (<a href=" removed link "> removed link ) and can sadly resonate with this 100%, I have won on many occasions but I am happy to up the stakes and risk it all in a heart beat it then becomes the chase to win it back, how can I win it back, how can I get the funds to do it I ask myself. I cant explain just how easy my brain switches off all warning indicators and ploughs ahead, if I go into it with a limit that’s quickly put aside, then the next limit and so on.
I have felt so vested in winning it back that it is almost a means for self-harm, I know I shouldn’t but I kid myself I have restraint. If I lost heavily I would get angry and self-exclude from a site in a tantrum but either later on or the next day I would simply find another site. I signed up for Gamstop last year and that booted me out of the many, many accounts I have had. *** I told myself, one more hurrah….you can guess where this got me.
I earn a fantastic wage and yet every month WITHOUT FAIL, I am out of money, sometimes very early on.
I guess the lead up to this was my last job where entertainment was riff and cards were being thrown around paying bills. Whilst many were paid for by the company when I was short at the end of the month I would simply not transfer the money back from expenses to the card and use that to get me by, this built up, to around £10k or so, in fact I couldn’t tell you how much as to me it had become just another payment out of my account. It felt like every pay rise I got I wasn’t feeling the benefits it would just tighten the noose and if a little daylight got between it I would load it up again.
Things got really nervy when my anxiety began to prevent me from doing my job or in some case my social life. There were many times I was just not able to get on a train, in a car and most certainly a meeting room. A few people at work knew I was struggling and so protected me so I could seek help. That’s when detox number one came in.
The company was bought out which really made me nervous as my supporting team where all jumping ship but I knew I wouldn’t be able to as any interview I just wouldn’t be able to make through pure fear and anxiety, I would often be sick with it. I have all this to pay back and my health is giving me all the signs that I am done and will be found out for being a burden. Yet I need to pay the bills I am too young to retire and certainly too in debt. Sleep is tricky because of it, all day I think of it and when I lay there are night it keeps me up, I guess alcohol was my means of tranquilising myself out cold.
Everyone says call if you need anything but no one understands it, they just say stop, its really not that easy and I am not blaming them after all I am supposedly a grown man. Its like the Sirens from Greek mythology, a constant call to disrupt normal life. The challenge with my addictions is just how readily accessible they are, C*****e I can get in the same time it takes to get a takeaway, gambling online is in your pocket and Alcohol is just, well, everywhere.
Depression over shadows this through-out the day, constant regrets and the worry of being a failure to people if they knew. I use these addictions to take me away from that feeling albeit temporally and once you come out of it you have simply grown the problem.
Recent months I have really been, well a d**k, I have had no respect for those close to me. I mope around all day feeling sorry for myself (I genuinely wish I could snap out it) and I’m just an a*sehole to be around. I want to be nice and happy and bouncy but this black cloud over me of mounting debts just bring back the idiot that put me there ‘try and win it back’ it says. Endless routine of making it all worse. But the worst thing of it all is my previously honest and considerate self has turned into a lying selfish piece of s**t. I hate lying and yet all I do is layer another one on as not to have confrontation. STUPID. This is not going away, its too big for sweeping under the carpet. I am simply scared.
Well tonight despite all this my folks wired me £1000 to settle the bills I have failed to pay and well you guess it, within 30 minutes it was all gone.
I am at my wits end, I didn’t want to do it, in fact I said no in my head but I ploughed it all into a casino that I have asked for my account to be closed 3 times.
What I am after:
I am on Gamstop but this Casino is preying on the weak and always delays the closure and offers a few quid to try again and before you know it your chucking more in.
Is there a way t report this behaviour as I do feel they are irresponsible? I know that sounds like a bad loser but I truly believe it’s a poorly run casino. Example, 21 days to get your withdrawal, max £500 per day to withdraw with a £2000 weekly limit and no way to stop reversing withdrawals…. I mean that’s just setting addicts up to fail right?
Your advice appreciated.
Peace to all those struggling, there is light at the end of the tunnel - debt is debt but life is worth fighting for even when your down and out and thats coming from me. Its ok to feel ashamed, people love you out there even if you say they wont. Hang in there folks!
Hi toolittletoolate,
Thank you for telling your story here. You have come to the right place.
You describe very well how you feel urges to gamble and act on them to the point of searching for opportunities to gamble even though you self excluded.
All this has really impacted on your life, your relationship, your family. But you can make changes.
First, you can ensure that you do not have access to money to gamble with. You describe putting money you get into gambling as soon as you get hold of it. If you feel that you cannot trust yourself with money, the most responsible step is to ask someone else to look after it.
Self exclusion is not a fool proof way to stop gambling, but it can help a great deal. As you know, if you are keen to find a way to gamble, you will. I have edited your post on this subject as it does not seem helpful to others trying to recover with the help of self exclusion.
Would you like to contact us directly? We can talk through practical steps and other support, like face to face counselling, which is available to you. You can call us on 0808 80 20 133 or contact us on the Netline chat, you will find the link above on this page. Both services are open from 8 am to midnight every day.
People can and do make changes and get better. I hope that you will find much support here.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
Thank you, I will definitely make a call to you for some advice, I suspect Monday as I am looking for a home currently so need to focus on that this weekend.
Appreciate the response!
i am saying this with all due respect
but after reading your post i would say reporting an online casino is the very least of your worries
this is a very extreme example of gambling entering every area of your life and warping it
there is no 2 ways about it you need to have a very strong word with yourself today and categorically decide gambling has done enough damage
you are not winning your life back on blackjack table or on a roulette wheel....
stop gambling , wake up start reparing the damage done to relationships and get your finances in order
i gaurentee within 90 days you will start to feel better
You are right. I guess I am just after blood from them however the issue is with me.
Thanks for the message.
hi
You may as well report the whole gambling industry because preying on dreamers, the weak and misguided is what they do.
My words will sound harsh because the addiction leaves you in a highly confused state. You ned to look at this again from the basics and you need serious help now.
Nobody but nobody should be wiring you money. They dont understand the addiction and you dont yet.
Its a drug addiction an illness and simply a mugs game. Any rational person not affected can see its a mugs game and understands the odds. Based on those odds its not an income scheme or a get it back later scheme.
You know you are in deep and its time for a born again moment. willpower alone does not do this so what are you going to ensure in the way of proper blocks. If you have been having a dabble you are not blocked. Its costing you big time and by that I mean your family and your quality of life.
I would withdraw all your access to cash...I would stop you! but you dont seem fully ready to be honest.....you know the pain and that will get worse if you keep gambling...Its got new lows in store for you.
gamstop wont work if you are not ready with other blocks. This takes cold turkey and someone monitoring what you are up to.
Being gamble free is a serene feeling. Thats what you need but the addiction is strong with you and wont want to let you go.
Talk it through. The title shows youre thoughts are not focused like every addict.
You can do it but youve not started the fight or a proper recovery yet
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Wow, I am loving the direct approach from this forum and I mean that genuinely.
So update. I had an intervention from a Group of friends who arrived mob handed this afternoon and gave me some home truths. They also got me out of a hole by lending me The £1000 I stupidly squandered in a haze last night. More importantly they took over my bank account for me and made sure I am unable to login and will be handing this over to my family tomorrow. I feel privileged to have a group of friends willing to confront me and help me through it.
since they have left I have decided it’s glass half full mode from now on and not dwelling on what has been.
I totally agree with your comments above about not being ready I was indeed kidding myself and trying to blame others for my addiction.
Tomorrow I’ve got some time with my children which I am very excited about. I have also been offered a permanent place to stay with a good friend who came as part of today’s mob which will give me the stability I need rather than sofa surfing.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying this intervention today has cured my addiction far from but it’s set me off on a good path and importantly has not further damaged my situation.
I really do appreciate all of the feedback I’ve received here in such a short period of time.
Your all a lovely bunch
Hey,
I’m so pleased you have an amazing group of friends 🙂 I know what you mean by feeling cheated by a casino. I won xxx once and asked 3 times if I could stop my account and was told no because I had funds into that I couldn’t withdraw due to the xxx per withdrawal policy. I gambled xxx of that and paid the other xxx in debt off. This is my 3rd time trying and I’m now on day 36 and I’m so please with my self. You can do this! The first few weeks are hard but keep your self busy.
I’ve sorted my finance and have a goal for 22 months and this nightmare of debt is over, but I’ve gotta stay strong 🙂
this group will help you so much. Look for tips.
i found long walks, gamstop , monzo bank ( block gambling transactions) more hours at work, seeing friends.
🙂
Thats great news and you will thank that group of friends more than you may know.
The key is finding yourself again and realising you can never be complacent about it
The goal is a serenity you never believed possible.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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