Hi, I’m pretty new to this so don’t really know where to start, I’ve gambled now for 20 years and at the age of 37 am at the lowest point of my life.
my girlfriend of 9 years found out I’d been gambling again when posing as me to obtain my credit report, seeing the loans overdrafts and debt again for the however many time said enough was enough. I moved out and now live alone.
during this period of lockdown I’ve been at rock bottom hardly seeing my young kids, however with the help of the Gp, GamCare and a councillor have managed to keep my head above water.
ive come to realise how important she is and that I’d really do anything to get back home to be a family and a dad to my kids. However she has refused and has said she will never have me back, trust me or want a relationship which is what I’m really struggling with. For the sake of the kids I have to see her and be close to my old house, I’d love to up and run but for the sake of the kids who’s been through enough I have to stay. I cannot seem to be able to move on and this is affecting my work, mental health and overall outlook on life. Does anyone have any advice on how to move on after a relationship breakdown due to gambling?
Face the issue. Take responsibility for your self and your kids. Decide to be a good father to your kids. The best way you can serve your family now is to get well enough to take care of them. I have also played away with two families. It is a quite awful thing to go through but this problem was always about you not them so. Start to get help. Make a real effort to do other things than just gamble. Read up on this addiction so you know what happens in your brain and why. This gives you the tools to move forward. Talk to people here who are where you are now. Get their support. We are flock animals so we need help from others as well. Your Million-pound lotto ticket is to get well enough to handle your everyday life and be a good father to your kids. That is all you can do.
All the best
Hiya my friend
The advice above is spot on I know because I'm on that journey after gambling nearly £8000 in 1hr my partner didn't even want to know me but at the end of the day we had 2 kids together. I've been staying in the family home since I did this some days are good some bad but the minute it starts to effect the kid's then I would call it a day and move out. Sometimes there things you can't get over and other times you can work through things
I split up with my ex and mother of my 2 kids around 3 years ago, it was mainly due to my mood swings (triggered by losses, she didn't know the extent of my gambling) although there were other underlying issues in the relationship too. Was still gambling when I left the house and I gave up around 8 months later, came clean to those close to me and worked hard on getting myself together. Fortunately for me Gamstop did the trick and stopped me dead in my tracks as my problem was online stuff, I'm banned for 5 years and am just over 2 years into it, if I could do a life ban then I would do so in a heartbeat.
I was always a good dad to the kids and that hasn't changed throughout, I have them 3 days per week and it all works out. In terms of getting over the relationship then it's the old adage of time being the healer, there were tears and sleepless nights in the short term but now we are on good terms and have our own lives to lead, the kids are happy so all good. One bit of advice I would give is to not carry the burden yourself, reach out to someone and share your gambling past, your thoughts and feelings on both the gambling and other stuff that's bothering you. It's not an easy thing to do but it does feel like a weight is lifted, I'm speaking from experience.
The first couple of months are the difficult ones so focus on getting yourself better, being a good dad and being in a better place soon.
I wish you well.
Thanks for that advice
I will definitely take it on board as you know it's very hard at the start but I do have people in place and life lines if I need them it's just so hard when you've had to use a church for food parcels to feed your kids down to what you've done if I can get anything out There it's that these sites have to be held accountable for not seeing your a problem gambler when you bet that amount over one hour as I can guarantee if you we're winning that amount they would be down on you like a ton of bricks, I don't want to say to much at the minute but this hasn't went unnoticed by some powerful people hopefully in the future this can all come out as things need to change and if I can stop one person from being in this position I will be that bit more happy