Relapsing after nearly 2 years

Hi Jee

Sorry to hear about this. You have done 2 years and you can do it again one day at a time. You came clean to your family which means you are committed to fight back the addiction and not feed it. I am not a gambler but my partner is. Told him i will support him relapses and all until the day he gives up on himself (ie keeping secrets, making excuses, feeding the addiction, not following our ‘action plan’). 
When you relapsed, it means that your safety nets were not strong enough and something needs to change. Have you reflected on how you slipped? Something needs to change otherwise the chance of relapsing is high. Perhaps you need to surrender your finances again, etc? I know a gambler who gave up his smartphone and just used a simple nokia phone without internet access after a relapse (he’s now 4 yrs gamble free after the last relapse). If i were your partner i would want to be reassured how that slip can be prevented in the future and the action plan should come from you.

Remember to take it one day at a time, please keep on writing here. We all wish for your success.

P

I also suggest, if not done yet, reconsidering GA meetings. My partner said lots of people who relapsed are because they have stopped attending GA. I know it’s different for each person but GA saved my partner’s life so whenever I can I encourage compulsive gamblers to consider attending/joining the programme.

Hi 

thank you for the response. I’m glad your partner has some one who is supportive

my mother is taking control of my finances and she will do even after I’m debt free to prevent a relapse again.

I have never attended GA meetings but I am booked in to see a professional counsellor which will be good Hopefully.

Jee

Been there before my last relapse I was days off a year. The loses become bigger and harder to take. It affected my mental health so bad as I was doing so good. Was starting to feel ok about myself again. One silly bet and bang I was back to square one. When a compulsive gambler it’s not wha you lose it’s that one bet again that’s the end. The bookies need dealt with by the government. You could lose everything in one go but bookies can restrict what you win even block your winnings. It’s getting worse by the years going bye.

Hi Jee

I'm sorry to hear of your relapse, but glad to hear you're back onboard - that's the important bit. It sounds as though you are very determined, just passing through to remind you that you CAN do it and to wish you the best ?

Hi Jee, 

As someone who has been on the recovery journey for quite awhile now and who has had some success, I want you to know that the key to beating gambling over the long run is having in place effective barriers between you and gambling, so that even when you get an irresistible urge to gamble, the barriers are there to stop you from acting on your urge. Importantly, never rely on willpower alone. It will just lead to relapse after relapse.

Speaking of barriers, if you gamble online, I highly encourage you to contact all the services that enable you to deposit money into online casinos and request that they permanently ban you from their services. This is a super effective barrier to put in place to prevent future relapses. Online casinos are infinite, but the deposit enablers are just a handful. Doing this has really helped me.

Email template you can use:

Subject heading: Request for permanent account ban.

Hi there,

Please immediately and permanently ban me from using your services. I have been using your services in ways that are not good for my wellbeing. I would like that to stop and having my account permanently banned is an essential step. Thank you for taking my well-being seriously and doing as I have requested.

My information is as follows: [insert the relevant info such as account name or the email you have associated with them or, in the case of ****, the email you use to make **** transfers]

Sincerely,

[Insert your name]

Other effective barriers include:

1. Self-exclusion from land-based casinos.
2. Having an accountability partner whose opinion of you you care about. You don’t want to disappoint them, and this acts as an emotional barrier to gambling.
3. Softwares like Gamban, Coldturkey, Betblocker, ScreenTime on iphone (get someone else to set up a password so you can’t alter the settings once they’re set)
4. If need be, have a loved one manage your finances for you.

The more barriers, the better. Finally, never try to remove the barriers you put in place. Confidence in our ability to control ourselves is our own worst enemy. Good luck my friend. You got this.