Relapsed

Hi I feel for you I really do,iv been in your situation many many times when I thought iv beating this,gone months and months without gambling then BANG back to square one a relapse and the thought of here we go again,the first thing you must do is never ever give up trying to stop,you've got to want to stop in your mind, I'm not sure how old you are?you may have time to beat this and live a happy life,read my story it may help and get help asap listen to what people advice you its never too late, stay strong wish you all the best.

Hi Ajs and welcome!

You need to stay on this forum keep talking and reading the stories.

This is an addiction that gets into your bones. It becomes you so you dont even know how addicted you are. Its a drug addiction and you need to start learning about it as a drug addiction.

It laughs at basic willpower because it knows it has you. You have to step things up with a born again moment of getting the foundations right.

This involves telling people close to you and restricting your access to your own money.

You are at the confused stage we have all been through where you know its killing you but your actions are not sufficient to block it. You are just finding wide open doors to gamble elsewhere and your addiction knows you are doing this because under its power you dont want to give up yet.

Put simply you have to do the cold turkey and that will will scare you a bit until your mind starts healing. Have you seen an alcoholic or heroin user?...I used to think they were sadder than me but gambling acts in the same way

Are you ready for the truth about the help you need? What should scare you is being a grown adult with no control over your minds craving for gambling.

What you tube win is this?? Its not an income scheme...its not lined up ready for your IOU note to come in. Its called gambling for a reason. Einstein himself said there is no system on roulette...its a mugs game!!

You are right...excluding yourself is not enough as you have proved. There is a serenity in surrendering to this and reaching out proper help

That is you on a sandwich allowance providing receipts. You need to be monitored so you cant do yourself further damage...do you understand the serious steps, openness and honesty needed.

The addiction is strong with you but you cant handle it alone. Your mind has been telling you that you have to gamble again so you need help to fight your own mind urges.

That how deep it gets. This addiction kills people. It you stop now you can consider yourself fortunate 

You will thank the people that sound tough on you. Its no game about a silly flutter. Let us know how you are doing because you have open doors all over the place in terms of time money and location.

You need to shut those down properly. I would stop you! surely its worth the goal of having control of your life and money you are not chucking down a grid

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Yes I agree with you, this addiction is as bad as heroin and I would strongly recommend getting professional counselling support, this addiction takes your soul and destroys you mentally, financially and relationships, having no access to money and passing on your finances to someone trustworthy is a must if possible, it's about changing the way your brain is set and finding yourself again as a person, it's a dangerous, soul taking addiction that can come back and bite you at any time, so self discipline and changing your mind set is essential in beating this drug. 

I relapsed very recently, 04/05/20 was my last bet.

I can only speak for myself and what my situation is. It may be that not everything I say rings true for you, but I am just one of many people that will understand what you are going through. Reaching out to those people is key, those people with shared experiences that can help you to see your situation differently. In the last two days i've spoken to recovering gambling addicts that have not bet in 46 years, 33 years, even one that gambled for 56 years and has not gambled for 4 years. It's not too late to make significant changes to the way you are doing things.

In many ways I have come to the realisation that my problems with gambling run deeper than just a compulsion to bet. I have a real problem with doing things for myself for by own benefit. I don't take care of my health, I never structured my day. I have been a gambling addict since around 18/19, and I will be 31 this year. I never grew up, my parents weren't strict on me about contributing, setting goals, bettering myself, they were always loving and supportive. I didnt have a bet from Jan 2019 until end of March this year, which is when I started to push against the restrictions I put on my finances, and weedled my way back into getting control of my money.
Bought a scratchcard at one point, which led to me watching other people gamble on youtube, which led to me finding unregulated, dodgy casino sites to bet on. The first lie I told led to another. I never feel like I can tell someone after I start down that path. So what am I doing differently this time? Planning out my day, breaking it down. Tackling this addiction one day at a time. I have to stop doing whatever I want, whenever I want, with no regards for the consequences, simply because I allow myself to do it. My partner and I are taking a break. I would look her in the eye and just tell her the most bare faced, blatant lies to her face about how I was doing, whether I was saving my money, whether anything was wrong. It feels sickening. I know I need to change for me though, for any chance I have at being truly happy in life. 

I've also realised I need to be less sensitive. I am so sensitive to perceived criticism, but I should relish the opportunity to improve. The most basic of advice from others I can sometimes take as a personal attack, but i'm learning to evaluate when someone is just trying to help, what angle are they "coming at me" from? Are they at all? It may be just how I interpret them.

Anyway you may only see your problems as the direct actions of placing bets, losing all of your money and then feeling desperate until you do it again. Being preoccupied with it. I cant say for you. Just.. I can speak to another person anonymously that i've never met before, and they can often tell me my own story without having met me. 

As someone said to me yesterday, (the 46 years off gambling guy), that this isn't a dress rehearsal, this is the real thing. Don't waste your life on this.

Let me know if you would like my take on anything else you're feeling, going through. My biggest advice is to engage with the recovery community and hear their stories, feel their pain and see how you are not alone.

All is love,

-Charlie