I’m tired of losing control. I’m up to my neck in lies and debt and lies about debt.
I hate having to speak to people and tell them I’m not doing well so I just go to something as a distraction gambling or trading. This time it was trading.
I had 5 years away from gambling and through it away late last year. I then had a couple of good months and have recently messed up by trading.
I want to put all my debt in one place and pay it off monthly but I have bad credit. I don’t want to do it through stepchange as I’ll end up with more defaults due to not meeting minimum payments.
I’m just sick and tired of this internal battle that nobody knows about because I’m ashamed to tell them.
from your post it sounds you are really down on yourself.
You have done so well for such a long time, I appreciate this relapse feels disheartening. But you can build on past success, it doesn't have to mean this will now just carry on.
Think back. What was the 'magic ingredient' that helped you stay gamble-free for five whole years? Was it perhaps the support of your family and friends?
It sounds from your post that you are feeling really alone with this burden but you say you don't feel like you can talk to anyone and are too ashamed to ask for support from the people around you. A lot of people feel like this, but the reality is that coming clean is liberating and it really helps with getting back on the wagon again. Of course this is your decision but I hope you will consider opening up to your family and friends. And of course we are here to support you as well, please never feel that you are alone. You matter.
Wishing you all the best,
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