Hello all,
First time poster here after a recent relapse I decided to reach out to others!
In 2019 I went through a very deep gambling addiction using it as my escape from reality and my life and spending £80000 in less than a year and getting myself further and further into debt. The feeling of despair never disappeared with of course monthly reminders, with the debt I am still paying off from back then.
But I realised something needed to change then so I applied a 5 year exclusion with gamstop in Sept 2019 (2nd time I have self excluded via gamstop, I had previously activated 6 months in 2018)
After 598 gamble free days, this month I have had a 2 week relapse as I stupidly found a way to gamble again. This of course spiraled quickly out of control from gambling a fairly small amount in the first week to spending a great deal more as time has gone on. Reality set in again when I only had 46p in my bank account. Too little too late.
I knew the pain I was putting myself in the entire time but that wasn't enough to stop me chasing the dopamine hit shaking in my chair sweating head to toe even when I was saying to myself "This is my last deposit" 6 times watching my bank account drop by hundreds every few hours. I'm so disappointed in myself I thought I had control of it but literally in under 2 weeks I was back at the spending rate I used to be.
My ex girlfriend has always picked up the pieces of the soul destroying I leave, she honestly doesn't deserve a bit of the s*** I have dragged her into the amount of times she's bailed me out of debt..we haven't been together for over 2 years now, neither of us have looked for anyone else and still to this day she has always been there when Im at rock bottom, everytime. So i reached out to her quickly this time instead of hiding the truth for months spiraling out of control again
She was once again my Rock, but I didn't want her to bail me out again, I will struggle this month but its a lesson I want to learn this time. I was much happier before the relapse.
Has anyone gone so long and relapsed? then gone out to succeed beyond 2 years? I still struggle to not look for something to escape reality. The stress of life, debt for another 2 years (4 years in total) and then problems at work started this year I just got overwhelmed and looked for the escape again.
I never tried professional help the first time so I have arranged too this time hopefully should have a phone call in next day or two.
But has anyone else been in a similar situation? And any advice you have.
I'd love to hear your story too.
We are all on this journey together
....at different places
....on the same road
... full of potholes!
Hi EM,
I'm glad to see you reached out on here and made positive steps forward already. Arranging counselling may be daunting however untying those knots and looking in may help you to understand the reasons for your actions. It will also help you to start making better decisions going forward by having techniques in place when urges takes over or when you have a bad day.
I also applaud you for not letting your ex partner to bail you out this time. This is another positive step forward because you accept that is your doing and ready to sort it out yourself. This is part of acceptance and even if we all can have support on the side, the hard and dirty job putting it all in place again falls down to us and us only.
You asked for similar experience and here I am posting to you because I too was over 500 days g free when relapsed back in Feb this year...and then another prolonged relapse this month. It is difficult isn't it? Emotionally destroying really and as I find out, every relapse is worse than previous one...especially after considerable time g free. ....
Unfortunately I have no answers...after 8 years of trying , I am still nowhere near where I could be or wanted to be. I tried GA (half heartedly I must add), I had numerous counselling sessions, blocked my bank card, joined Gamstop, self excluded and had gamblock in place....yet, all these didn't stop me from relapsing. ...
I guess I didn't try hard enough. I didn't keep the promis to myself and I didn't make changes to my personal life and didn't dig deep enough. It stems from within, the desire to make that right choice day in day out. Every day is different but its also our responsibility to get through that day safely.
It's the question we must ask ourselves..how can I go forward now? What is I change and how can I secure myself better so I don't leave gaps open.
Being honest with yourself and accepting that we are not perfect in any shape or form is necessary. Forgiving ourselves and treating ourselves with kindness is very important. Being honest with ourselves and putting more effort in recovery...because ultimately, for us, recovery is our daily life. We will never be cured from this and triggers will come and go, so putting recovery first is your road map ahead to healthier and better future.
Dust yourself down and continue making positive steps forward. Counselling is a good place to start...you can then build around this foundation with more protective tools to prevent relapses.
Wish you well...never stop looking around for the help available. You're not alone.
Take care & stay safe
S&B xx
Your issue could be your still counting days as a measure of "success" its almost trying you into the physiological aspect of the addiction " one more day" " one more day"
after a year of abstinence gambling shouln't in theory be a prominent thought .....ive gone 4/5/6 months in the past without even thinking about it i tend to do my first 30 days on here in the diary and then after that i dont think about it because thinking about it just leads to acting on it
until i hit a trigger like having too much time on my hands or a particularly stressful episode in life but i am slowly learning of cheaper ways of dealing with these issues
You are not alone!!!! From losing £1000 in 2010, through online slots,it has been strucked in my mind ever since. I have promised myself never gamble again until I started a new job in 2016, surrounding with gamblers that introduced me to football games. I thought just a little perk it won't harm,as you know what a story end. From just losing £1000 in 2010 and should end there, it gone to almost £25000 in space of 6 months chasing my losses what a fool and stupid. I never thought in a million years that would happen to me. Since that happened the darkness in my mind getting deeper I couldn't get rid the thought of losing my money.Easier said than done monies you loss are history and move on, I have tried countless of times keep myself busy not think about it but every time I see the online slots on social media it trigger me again and again. I must spent over £40000 from 2016 till now,on and off 3/4/10 months at a time then gamble again.
Now I would admitted that I have gamble problems and seriously need to see a real picture what damage I've done imagine what that money could do,only myself to blame.
I determine to stop this time and want to forget everything. Now I have registered Gamstop and blocked all my cards to use on the gambling websites.
I have learned a big lessons in life I wish I can turn back time to get it right. Now I am living with regrets, sadness, stress, miserable, shame of myself and hurtful inside. I will take one day at a time to recover my thoughts and get my mind clear from the evil inside of me.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care
Yes i was 4 years and same happen to me.its horrid and always much worse than prev time. I feel pretty numb and low so cant think of anything positive to say tbh. Wish you all best , rest assured not alone lot of us relapsed after various amounts of time.
I have learned a big lessons in life I wish I can turn back time to get it right. Now I am living with regrets, sadness, stress, miserable, shame of myself and hurtful inside. I will take one day at a time to recover my thoughts and get my mind clear from the evil inside of me.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care
All the emotions above can totally relate to.
Wish all best to everyone in this thread including o P.
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