Noone on here has the right to make a judgement if you relapse, how your recovery is going or how long it takes, because noone knows how much your hurting or trying.
Recovering takes time and everyone heals at their own pace. Everyone on here is different, different people have different barriers in their life. It's not easy.. we all got stuck in the same addiction.
The main thing is you keep fighting to get back up and try again
Well said Loulou.
I have had several successes and failures over the years and every time I fell back into addiction I regrouped, learned how to improve my approach, and got back on the gambling free road to freedom. I am now over a year free of my gambling addiction and feel strong for the future - looking forward to a successful 2021!
Amazing well done x
Excellent post Lou Lou and I agree with you 100%.
Stephen x
I don’t think people judge anyone on here, it’s more of making people truly understand that they have a problem.
It all boils down to people with an addiction (like myself who has lost over 100k in 5 years) that YOU HAVE TO WANT TO QUIT.
Hundreds of times over the last 5 years I have had a relapse.....why? Because I didn’t want to quit enough!!
Today I am 40 days GF & feel fantastic, am I cured no? But is it different for me this time....YES, BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE!
You have to want to help yourself in this world, nobody can hold your hand, they can only help & advise. Everyone makes mistakes along the way, some good, some bad. I have made many mistakes in life & gambling has ruined the last 5 years of mine. But it’s not going to ruin any further part of it.
Us as compulsive gamblers are always making excuses as to why we relapse, oh I saw an offer so I had to take it, I walked past the bookies & it lured me in, I self excluded but it still let me bet, can I get my 10k back that I lost!! We all have that choice....beat it or be beaten. I have been beaten every single time apart from now.
I keep saying this but YOU HAVE TO WANT IT ENOUGH TO QUIT or we will relapse. We have to go through the sleepless nights, the cold sweats, the dreams of winning all our money back, the constant urges to gamble, to get through to the other side, & believe me after losing 100k in 5 years I have done that.
Stay disciplined, determined & dedicated.
Hi Loulou,
You are absolutely right with what you said.
When I started on my journey of recovery and working with others I was definitely guilty of judging others efforts in recovery and it took me a long time to fully understand that we are individually unique with all of our past experiences that have conditioned/hurt us emotionally. I was not developed on an emotional level during my childhood and had past trauma that was being suppressed by my gambling addiction.
It's very unlikely that one addict could put in exactly the same effort as another and have the same outcome because we will have different driving forces and different emotional resilience.
Kind regards
@C17ort........I agree with a lot of what you say.
Ours is a harsh message but its ultimately down to us to stop gambling. If someone wants a pat on the back and a 'there there' or a 'how unlucky' this might not be the place to come to. Simple steps need to be taken but they need courage and support, but they have to be taken by the gambler.
Offering advice is good but please be kind because none of us know of the events that have shaped a person's life and brought them here to the GamCare Forum.
When people arrive at Gamcare they will most likely have been judged and condemned by any number of acquaintances and it obviously didn't do any good or the compulsive gambler wouldn't have ended up here.
Is it not better to show some compassion and understanding whilst giving people directions and helping them find their own way home?
Quite right it is about being considerate of course. We all have our own personal stories behind our reasons for gambling.
But without the desire, discipline & determination to WANT TO QUIT then personally no one will regardless of how nice & considerate we are.
It’s about facing up to our addiction & beating it before it beats us. That may well sound likes it’s easier said than done but the outcome of all of this ironically is WIN or LOSE
I have lost 100k through gambling but I won’t lose to it again because I WANT TO BEAT IT
I agree with Aum and Wallis
I am 50 days gamble free and that's through blocks and the determination it's not because of people judging or being harsh.
Noone on here is any better than anyone else. We all made the same mistake..it takes people different approaches and different times in recovery.
Btw I dont need grilling I am gamble free but support and advice has helped me not people saying oh you have to want too..I think anyone using the site ''wants too''
I came here in 2015 and for the first three years took the brunt of the advice given on here, u either get the soppy advice or the tough love....neither work in my opinion only when you yourself have had enough of searching for the thrill of a game, searching for pleasure in the place where you will inevitably find pain will you stop altogether....I find myself saying all the same advice year in year out to new members and old and trying to make people that are sad happy but in all honesty it doesn't work, its when that individual realises they've finally had enough they will take the right path..... I think the both tough love from one member one night then the next day al saying that I was an inspiration to keep going December last last was the moment where I turned the corner....it took both types of encouragement I guess.....everyone gives their own type of encouragement that they feel at time will help that person and as we are giving our time to help I feel that person should be thankful for that strangers time and energy....all the best just an opinion xxxx
Yep and I am just saying everyones recovery is different and different things help different people..just have to keep fighting x
It's a fight for sure but you have to want it. It's my 50 days today. The difference I feel is undesrcibable.
50 days gamble free today and personally it's the kind encouraging and supportive approaches that have got me through.
Gamstop to block me gambling and stepchange to manage debt have also been a big help.
As with everything in life, there's not a 'one size fits all' approach to this. Personally I needed a bit of both understanding and someone telling me like it is, but everyone is different and will respond to different methods in different ways.
People have rarely got the best out of me by using 'tough love' as I generally respond better to the softer approach.
Each to their own, the method can change as long as the goal remains the same. I'm closing in on 120 days GF and have generally adopted a positive attitude and mindset to get there, but yeah it was dark at the start.
I'm grateful for everyone who has commented or engaged with me along the way - sometimes just talking it out with peers is so valuable even if you do hold different views.
Take care everyone.
SJ
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