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Pathologically Lying


My girlfriend has pointed out how I am a pathological liar. It’s starting to cause immense strain on our relationship. Usually it’s a sub conscious process but sometimes it is also calculated. I don’t know why I do it but I have put together some thoughts after some self reflection:

  • [ ] Because I want to avoid upsetting people/getting into a confrontation. I believe the lie I deliver gives justification to why I am doing/ not doing something. Then the person can not be mad or upset at me.
  • [ ] I am scared of losing her
  • [ ] I am insecure
  • [ ] Sometimes I don’t even realise till I said it
  • [ ] I believe I am protecting someones feelings
  • [ ] I believe it de-escalates situations
  • [ ] I don’t lie about major things. I am open and honest about my addiction. My girlfriend has access to my phone, bank and emails. If she ever asks to read something I show her. So I don’t know why I feel the need to lie about smaller details.

An example is that on Wednesday on of the senior management invited me out for some drinks. But when I told my girlfriend I said “Hey, just to let you know the senior management guys are taking me to dinner tonight to run through a project and welcome me to the company. so I’m unsure when I will be home. They just told me now. Sorry such short notice”

I don’t even know why. Just so unnecessary. Does anyone here have experience with this kind of thing and any kind of theory as to why ?

Topic starter Posted : 14th January 2022 12:28 pm

Most lying comes from insecurity; either insecurity in ourselves so that we want reassurance. E.g. senior management invite you out for a drink, you tell the mrs its for a dinner to run through a project. It makes you feel more important (look at me, im being wined and dined by senior management to discuss a new project even though im new to the business). It is a way of making you feel more secure in your new job and make it look like you are special (this is not a dig by the way, just letting you know how it comes across). 

Other insecurities come from not wanting to appear weak, or at least appearing stronger than you actually are. It's a way of reassuring yourself and appearing that nothing bothers you, or is used as a deflection to prevent something worse happening and you don't want the mrs to find something out. (e.g. we are fine financially, no need to check the account, even though you know deep down you are skint). 

The problem is that when we tell lies regularly (no matter how big or small), it becomes easier each time; especially if people believe what we tell them. The more a person gets away with it or is belived/not questioned, then the easier it becomes. Before long people end up in a situation where lying is often easier than telling the truth and it becomes natural to just spin stories. 

Posted : 14th January 2022 2:00 pm

Well I suppose lying is part and parcel of this addiction born out of feelings of shame and guilt and fear of the consequences of being honest. I do personally belief though that honesty is the best policy. I do find that when I have found the courage to be honest the other person may well be angry in the first instance but that soon changes. I certainly grow to respect other people whom are honest with me.

I also find that most people can tell when your lying to them but often just choose to over look it or give the person the benefit of the doubt. In terms of gambling my family seldom ask me if am gambling or not because they don't want to put me in a position where I might be lying to them. People aren't daft though, pathological lier's might think that they are convincing and getting away with the lies but in the long run lies catch up with people.... Boris! Andrew!

Good topic by the way. Its not often that lying as its own topic comes up on the forum. Honest 😉

This post was modified 7 months ago by S.A
Posted : 14th January 2022 10:51 pm
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