So I am 22. I have been gambling since I was pretty much allowed and it has been a problem since.
I have been in a constant denial for the past 4 years, making excuses for it all of the time and convincing myself that it isn’t a problem.
Last September at the age of 21 I was extremely stressed and about 8k in debt after a build up of credit card to credit card to loan. I took the step to talk to my mum, who was amazing. Straight away she had my bank password, paid my loan off so I could avoid the interest and then made a plan for me to pay her back.
Luckily, I have quite a decent paying job and managed to pay it all off by April-May time. No gambling in that time felt amazing and for the first time in 4 years I felt free, not having the stress of when the next bet would be or about how to lie to hide my money troubles.
Since then, I have been trying to save as much as possible - whilst also slowly betting again. Over time it has gotten worse again and after doing really well, I have messed up. I won around £x in one bet, only to now have lost it. It was like after that win I was hooked again. Luckily it hasn’t put me back in debt as I had saved up enough, but me and my girlfriend are saving for a deposit and now I’ve put a huge dent in that.
I am so ashamed of myself and mostly scared to tell my parents and my girlfriend as they all have so much faith in me and I just keep letting people down. I have a good job, an amazing girlfriend, an amazing family and I am a happy, confident person. I just have this one problem that I want to shake so bad but I keep messing up. When I realise the fact that I can lose the same amount of a holiday in a day, it really is sickening.
I have realised now that I can’t even have a small bet - it just triggers the chasing mindset of wanting a big win. I would never normally post on something like this but I think writing all of this down for the first time ever is a type of acceptance that I need - that I have needed for a long time.
I am addicted to gambling. Something I never wanted to say and that I am ashamed of, but saying it is a weight lifted and I am hoping I can now begin to stop.
Today, 12/08/19 will be my final day gambling.