So I am 22. I have been gambling since I was pretty much allowed and it has been a problem since.
I have been in a constant denial for the past 4 years, making excuses for it all of the time and convincing myself that it isn’t a problem.
Last September at the age of 21 I was extremely stressed and about 8k in debt after a build up of credit card to credit card to loan. I took the step to talk to my mum, who was amazing. Straight away she had my bank password, paid my loan off so I could avoid the interest and then made a plan for me to pay her back.
Luckily, I have quite a decent paying job and managed to pay it all off by April-May time. No gambling in that time felt amazing and for the first time in 4 years I felt free, not having the stress of when the next bet would be or about how to lie to hide my money troubles.
Since then, I have been trying to save as much as possible - whilst also slowly betting again. Over time it has gotten worse again and after doing really well, I have messed up. I won around £x in one bet, only to now have lost it. It was like after that win I was hooked again. Luckily it hasn’t put me back in debt as I had saved up enough, but me and my girlfriend are saving for a deposit and now I’ve put a huge dent in that.
I am so ashamed of myself and mostly scared to tell my parents and my girlfriend as they all have so much faith in me and I just keep letting people down. I have a good job, an amazing girlfriend, an amazing family and I am a happy, confident person. I just have this one problem that I want to shake so bad but I keep messing up. When I realise the fact that I can lose the same amount of a holiday in a day, it really is sickening.
I have realised now that I can’t even have a small bet - it just triggers the chasing mindset of wanting a big win. I would never normally post on something like this but I think writing all of this down for the first time ever is a type of acceptance that I need - that I have needed for a long time.
I am addicted to gambling. Something I never wanted to say and that I am ashamed of, but saying it is a weight lifted and I am hoping I can now begin to stop.
Today, 12/08/19 will be my final day gambling.
I feel you. I am so low now and full of anger, self hatred and I pity myself... Lost 2000 pounds in 2 days. I just want to punch myself in the face. Im shaking. Want this to be over so badly...
How are you doing now? My problem is that when enough time has passed I seemed to forget everything that I have learned. Then back to square one.
We are glad that you are receiving support from the forum. Perhaps, also make a note of your feelings so you can refer back to them. This doesn't have to be on technology, just a simple notebook, to jot things down. You could pick out some uplifting comments for the forum too - then you can refer to them as well .