New Member-Day 1

Hi Emily28,

Well done for posting on this site and looking for a solution to your predicament. I understand how you are feeling as i was experiencing the same situation as yourself. I always struggled to deal with situations, other people, emotions and feelings (I must have taken a day off school when this was taught). Everytime I tried to stop gambling i either picked up another addiction/coping mechanism or I was restless, irritable and discontent. What I really found that put an end to my addictive personality was learning coping skills through therapy and learning to accept and build core self-love. I believe that until you have better coping skills with emotions and feelings you will continue to be in great danger if your husband doesn't take control of the finances. 

Struggling to cope with emotions doesn't make you a bad person or a failure as a human being. 

Thank you for sharing your situation Emily28 and welcome to the forum. It is great that you’ve recognised the problem you are having with gambling and you are seeking some support.  We can see that you have taken action before to try to stop gambling but are struggling to overcome your urges to gamble. Many of our forum users will understand how you are feeling and how gambling became a crutch for them too, but with the right support you are correct, you can do this.

It’s great that you have a supportive husband, but it can be difficult for others to understand how much of a struggle a gambling addiction can be. I wondered whether you’ve considered a bit of extra support for you? It may be helpful for you to discuss how you feeling with one of our advisers who will be able to go through all the support that is available to you, including some free 1:1 treatment.

If this sounds good, or if you would like to discuss how you are feeling, please contact us either on the HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or on NetLine,  both are available from 8am -midnight, 7 days a week.

Hi Emily,

Well done on posting and yes you are right... you can do this!!

I haven't had a bet for almost 3 years now and was in all sorts of trouble with credit card debt, almost 6 figures, all without my wife knowing.  Worst thing was that was the second time, first time round I came clean to my wife I had almost 30k credit card debt.  The figures don't really matter, but the worst thing my wife did was let me keep my credit cards and bank cards.  

Second time round it took me months to pluck up the courage to tell her as I thought we'd be finished.  I can't promise that things will be the same for you, however telling my wife was the best thing I ever did.  If it wasn't for her I doubt I'd even be here today.  She took control of all of my finances, dragged me to citizens advice to sort out my debts and I am now in the long process of paying them all back.  But I don't have a credit card to my name now.  All of my wages go into an account which she has control of and I get what I need for the week / month.  

Everything you say in your post takes me back to my gambling days.  I was hopeless at work as always on my phone, I was the same at home, always sneaking out to use my phone or up during the night trying to claw back my losses.  But the reason you keep letting him down is that you have an addiction and need some help.  You've done the right thing posting here as it helps speaking to people who have had the same issues.  However you have to tell your husband and make him or another family member take control of your finances.

Good luck.

PA

Thanks for your support guys!!

I’ve confessed all to my husband tonight and he’s been really supportive.  I feel like a weight has been lifted and now it’s all out there, the time to move forward is now!

I’m requesting new cards and he’s going to manage them all.

Hi Emily

Good luck, I hope you manage to get things sorted

X

Posted by: Emily28

Finally built up the courage and seeking help. My gambling is out of control, every-time I tell myself it's fine and I'll only spend a set amount I never do.

Starting from day 1 again, this time I'm serious! Took a loan out to consolidate my debt and clear my credit cards and within a week I've maxed 2 out( I would never do this from my bank account, so why do it this way? I still need to pay that money back) 🙁  , I haven't told my husband but I need to. I'm dreading it! He knows about my gambling as we have a joint account but doesn't see my credit cards. He tell me to just stop, I hear him and want to but I'm unable to. He doesn't understand how hard I am struggling, I use gambling as a way to escape things within my life, it's become my crutch. If I'm in pain I'll gamble, angry? Gamble, Sad? Gamble. If I win money at the bingo...I'll treat myself online with the winnings.

I've blocked sites I was playing on,set limits,  took time out but I then create another account somewhere else, it's a vicious cycle that I can't get out off.

I offered to give up my cards so I can't use them but my husband says no as he trusts me, why do I keep letting him down? Gambling is starting to affect my work life as I spend time gambling on my phone instead of working. At home I'm online rather than spending time with my son, I feel like such a failure.

I need help, but reaching out here I can admit I have a problem and will get better. 1 day at a time, I can do this!

 

 

 

I'm new as well. Just devastated I could do this to my partner spent all his money and mine,I cannot see a way out. I'm thinking only way out is to go to sleep permanently.  I hope you succeed stopping. I know i can stop now but i have destroyed our relationship and can't  live with it.

Hello Suz58

Well done for sharing and taking that all important step in accepting you have a gambling problem, that is never easy.

You have intimated that you are having some particular thoughts with regard to not 'being here.' 

I just wanted to suggest you contact one of our Advisers by either using our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat called Netline.

We can offer you a confidential chat and look at free support options.  

With all good wishes,

Forum Admin

I'm done.no way out I've hurt the people I love and don't understand why I did it.ive been to the GP not interested! carnt sleep,eat or think straight. In debt no solution to get out of it without losing everything.

Hi Emily I’m day 2 and I feel the same as you in every way you want to stop so do I and you will if you want it enough I know it’s not easy but stay strong I’m trying and here if you need me

james