Hi
I am a compulsive gambler and a non religious person.
For me the recovery program helped me heal from the pains of my past.
For me the recovery program helped me understand that I was emotionally vulnerable.
The recovery program could not stop me gambling, yet the recovery program helped me help myself abstain from my gambling.
By attending the meetings the longer I stuck with it I would find much healthier ways in dealing with my emotional trigger.
I did not love gambling, that was a lie I told myself, I would try and justify being unhealthy in what I did and what I said.
I would justify doing and saying some cruel things.
My anger helped me understand that I had not healed from the pains of my past.
The rage that came out of me was my hurt inner child who was not healed.
In writing down my far to many fears I was at least acknowledging them.
And in time my fears slowly reduced down.
Then the choice was mine to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Was I a victim, yes for sure, I would continue being the victim all the time I would not speak up for myself and set healthy boundaries.
I did karate for over two years and found out that I feared aggression and confrontation.
There was one very sad understanding that as a your child I needed to feel loved nurtured and intimacy.
Often there were adults that were physically in my life but because they were victims of the pains in their lives they were not able to be intimate or live their life with out fears.
Yet at times in seeing other children get affection intimacy nurturing and hugs, I felt it must have been me that I was unlovable.
As fears reduce I took more on understanding the healthier and more productive I got I started to feel proud of myself.
When you clear your lists of thing you need to do you feel productive in your self.
If I was not a compulsive gambler, I would not be in the recovery program, and would have lived my life being very unhealth and missing out in having healthy relationships.
I have often said in meetings that I am glad I am a compulsive gambler, the loos I get yet it is true once you get really healthy you understand how much you were missing in your life.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
Recovery was learning to heal and live a healthy life with out addictions obsessions and refrain from self abuse unhealthy habits.
In time I abstained from Gambling.
In time I abstained from getting drunk.
In time I abstained from beating myself up.
In time I abstained from drinking tea and coffee.
In time I abstained from lying to myself.
In time I abstained from living my life in fear.
In time I abstained from going against my own conscience.
In time I abstained from being a victim.
In time I became my own best friend.
In time I abstained from being my own worst enemy.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
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