I am one of those who has lost his home, his job and his wife and to top it all it has become unbearable to look in the mirror at this loserchops! I do hate myself. Not today, not for a few minutes but for every single second of every day..
It is hard to admit weakness or ask for help and although I have in the past I then manipulate myself out of committing to any real long term help.
I think it is me…I really do. I am without a backbone, not man enough and all of those other phrases that are out there.
Last night I wrote suicide notes to various family members. I did mean it but I know the cost of suicide to those you leave behind.
What I am trying to say is why have I thrown away all of the help that has been offered me? Give me the money and opportunity and I will gamble. I’ll tell you I won’t, I’ll even convince myself that this is it but it never is it!
If there is anybody who can relate I’d love to engage. Today I am penniless with the rent due on Sunday. No car, no job and no outlet…
How do you even confront the lies and deceit when they are so painful to face? I guess we can all b******t our way to finding money but how do you confront the monster that you have become?
This is me ‘reaching out’..Will anybody talk to loserchops?
It is not the end. It is a beginning of something new. You obviously have run yourself down into a pretty big hole. It is at this stage you must and will start making some serious decisions on where to go and what to do.
You have opted out of suicide which is great because that solves nothing except bringing pain to the ones around you and you have that insight so that is a good thing. You are homeless wife less and penny less.
You need to plan now. Most of us go through life planing nothing. we are just impulse junkies dying to get away from reality for five mins but you won't achieve S*t doing nothing.
1st. You MUST talk to someone. Seek a shrink counsellor chat line talk line GA. Anything, so that you make contact with someone who can help you figure out the next steps in your life.
2nd Find soup kitchens places to stay, sleep and places to freshen up so you can get yourself sorted on a daily basis.
3d. look for any kind of work. Sweep the streets if you have to, it keeps you from dwelling on what the h.ll went wrong and it gives you focus
4. Tell your loved ones that you intend to own the problems you have and to deal with them one by one.
Become the captain of that ship you have that has been drifting for to long. Without you taking charge you will just drift on. Planing gets you somewhere.
Last but not least. I made a pact with all the powers at be when I was younger. Gambling would NEVER kill me. It would not hurt to write a contract with yourself today where you write down all the things that are going to change. All the things you intend to do with your life from this point and where you want to be 3 years from now. Make a vision. What is your life 3 years from now? what will it look like what do you have were do u work. What friends will you have. Will you have kids and a wife?
Write it down. Make a plan. Start to change. Stay focused.
Now start by calling the helpline here.
I wish you well!
C
It's a little bit of both mate, things will only change if you truly want them too and if you look for help and see I through, I was the same in that sense I got help but after a few sessions I ended up saying yeah I'm great now don't need anymore help, weeks later I'm skint walking out the bookmakers.
You need to be true to yourself, get help from a professional but see it through it can help change your life and who you are, ask yourself why you want to be better and beat this disease and then always keep that in your mind or written down so you can have a look at it to remind yourself why you started on the hard day's.
Hating yourself and calling yourself loserchops isn't going to help you, reach out to anyone around you that may be able to help but try be positive (I know that's hard at this point) but YOU CAN turn things around, it's going to be hard, might seem a long road, but if you sort yourself over the next 3-4 years, you could live the rest of your life a lot happier, that could be 30-40 years depending on age. It's never too late.
Reach out to professionals, let them help you help yourself , all the best
Thank you for your thoughtful and wise response…your words have been taken onboard..
@releaseme mate i just gambled my sons 3k saving and 2k of my wifes emergency funds. I dont know how im sleeping im the same bed as them. Im hoping today was the last day in my story. I do not want to end up alone. To make the matter worse i am jobless and have no way of recovering the money any time soon. Oh lors help me.
That is when you call the helpline and talk to a live person. Posting here is not enough atm. Call the helpline.
Best
C
@releaseme, i had 24 hours to think about my mad binge of gambling in the casino, i havent felt this low in 5 years. I came clean to my partner as the guilt was killing me. She was more worried about me paying back the money than the mental psychological impact it had on me. I promised her i got my whole life to look at my sons face and remember what I did to his money that was not mine. Absolutely hate myself. Shes (partners) bringing up the past again. I just want to let go. I just want to forget find a job and start over. I was suicidal yesterday but today i am better. I applied for 10 jobs I prayed to God to find a way out for me.
@kray123 I hope your partner comes round eventually and offers the support and help that you need..anger and bringing up the past is normal in my experience, it is a reaction to the shock and betrayal that they feel at first…I guess we would feel the same as well.
Stick with it. You have embarked on the correct path. It sucks and it will be hard but this is the only way.
some sobering stories on this thread, stories that we can all see can have very bad permenant thoughts of suicide attached to them..... please no one ever think that gambling and the money lost will ever be reason enough to end your life.... its only money, your life everyones life is worth soo much more!!!!
However bad it gets........ it can get soo much better in the future.
Both of you should start now...... Spend as much time and energy as you can to finding jobs and knuckle down to that....... watch the true film persuit of happyness (will smith) about a destitute homeless man with a son who has no money to eat, has lost his partner and has a boy to look after..... its a true eye opener and can show you in the depths of despair life can vbe turned around.
I cant imagine how you are both feeling at the mo but ill be on here most days and will keep an eye out on your progress and offer some advice if i can if you continue to post and i hope you both do.
All the best Adam
@adam123 well i am taking it one day at a time. I have a few interviews lined up this week and a treatment plan from a specialist. Its my day 5 without gambling. I see my sons face and say "woe to me, i have failed him" his mum kicked me out of our bedroom as shes not over the trauma. However, my lil man wants me back. I think it is best i give her space. I would have taken my soul away long time ago. But I agree with you. Future can be better.
Great, interviews awesome start..... Keep going.
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