Evening, this is my first post here.
I'm 35 and male so exactly the demographic bookies target. Up until I was 30 I dabbled with a few accas on a Saturday and that's it. Then I discovered matched betting and it changed my life, over the last 4 years or so I've been able to pay for things I wouldn't have been able to previously.
Anyway as the offers have been drying up I've found myself venturing into the casinos for my profit fix, I'd managed to build a nest egg of MB profits (about xxx) but over the past 4 weeks or so have been on an emotional roller coaster as I've become more and more hooked on slots. At times I've been up, at times I've been down and we're talking hundreds here which has wreaked havoc with my mood swings. I've been losing £100 then depositing £200 and spinning £10 spins to try and get it back. Then I've lost that and deposited £500 and going for £25 spins. It's madness when I type it now but it's just a trance I was in that I can't explain.
I've lost most of my nest egg now and here's the worst bit. I have a wife and a 3-month baby girl which rips me apart every time I look at her. I feel so guilty, I feel like I've let her down. I'm under a lot of pressure financially as my wife is on maternity pay only and we have a lot of bills so I'm working 6 days a week to pay them. The 5k was supposed to be there to support us. I don't know what to do, I can't tell her it's not there anymore as it will destroy her. I don't want her to see me in this way either, she has no idea about any gambling I've done as it's all in secret. I feel weak and pathetic, I've suffered with low self-esteem and depression for years and I think I saw a big gambling win as a way of lifting my mood and giving me some worth to my family.
I can't describe how low I feel about it, I honestly feel they'd be better off without me. I don't want to ruin their lives.
Oh and for the record just a few days ago I spoke to w**********l live chat who told me I told me I was now self-excluded from casino, yet just a few days later I've put thousands through it (my fault I know but they've purposely enabled my addiction).
I apologise if I've ranted with no real coherence but this is all quite raw and emotional for me.
Hello Fuzzy Dunlop
Welcome to the Forum where you will receive the support and understanding that you need right now. Please know that you are not alone and that we are all here right behind you. Problem gambling is cunning, powerful and baffling and without help it is too much.
Along with the Forum we also have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through this. You can contact an Adviser by calling our Helpline on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option. I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward for you.
Please know that you can get through this by taking it One Day At A Time.
We look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
It is a fabulous invention the slots. It makes us believe that we can force an outcome by pushing more and more cash down the hole when that thing just smiles at you and eats more of your cash. We can not force the outcome of a game we can only force the outcomes of our behaviour by changing how we view the things we do.
Do you trust your own mind? Did you know you are actually being lied to by your own mind everytime you go into the bookies? It is true. Who in their right mind would run into a place and cough up a thousand pounds put it on the counter and swear at one self on the way out for being so dumb? The machines are created to get you hypnotized ( called being zoned) or tranced. Your mind has a natural trance like state it goes into several times a day. Driving a car for ex that is done on "autopilot" in your brain. You just get a direction do your thing but loose track of time and place almost till you get to where you need to go. Gambling does the same. It parks your brain on autopilot while you are in a comfortable place where no one disturbs you. So yes it is a wonderful piece of machinery for the ones who have them and not so much for the ones who use them.
Right now the only option and the only win you will get is not to play. You need to give your mind a rest from this at least a month so that you can balance your dopamine levels again.
The more you chase the more you lose because the more you win the more you play. It is a circle that does not give you an outcome that you will find good Why. Addiction..
Time to change is your choice but the faster you start the faster you will find some peace. So if not for yourself then do it for your family until you also feel that it will be a good choice to make.
You can do it!
Best
C
Hi,
Your post struck a chord with me as I too have never opened up to family about my gambling. The guilt and shame when I would binge would be unbearable and I had this overwhelming feeling I was just a liability to my family. I would recommend watching a short programme On netflix-it’s called ‘explained’ and there is an episode in slot machines. It really helped me understand how they work and how the more you play, the more you can never beat them. Helped me get some context as to why I found them so addictive; I genuinely felt like there must be something seriously wrong with me until I watched that and did more research. Put a block on gambling on your online accounts in settings-its literally just a click of a button and will be an extra layer of security when u get an urge (literally saved me from creating a new casino account tonight as I just had a massive craving to play).
You don’t need lots of money to be happy (gamblers never do). Your baby doesn’t need anything major financially now. The best thing you can do is be about and try ur hardest to get a grip of this addiction. There is plenty of time to put the money back so please don’t be too hard on yourself! In the grand scheme of things if you can use this loss as a catalyst of safeguarding your future finances by addressing this addiction you will have saved yourself a fortune. Don’t get sucked into thinking the ‘big win’ will sort everything out…it won’t! (Speaking from experience).
Hi Fuzzy,
It is really hard because every gambler has it in their head that everything will be okay once they just win back the money they have lost. But we never do. Continuing to gamble just makes a bad situation a hundred times worse. If you do have a bug win, you would probably continue to gamble it in hopes of winning more because most gamblers can't walk away when they are up. I have been in your situation. My advice would be to tell your wife, she will find out eventually as you won't win the money back. And it will be much better coming from you. She will be upset but it will be easier for her to understand and forgive if you do it now before your gambling addiction gets worse or you get into debt because of it. Also, if you are serious about wanting to stop gambling, sign up to Gamstop for the full 5 years. It is much better than self excluding from individual sites as mistakes happen and there will always be another site happy to take your money. I wish I had of stopped when I was at your point, having just spent savings but I learnt too late and racked up massive debts. But everything gets better once you stop spending more money on the problem and start dealing with it head on.
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