Can I say one thing. I know how terrible we can feel when we've got ourselves in a deep, dark hole. I blew all my wages a few years ago for the umpteeth time. I got paid monthly and regularly lost most of my money in the first few days of being paid. I started taking out loans and ten payday loans knowing d**n well I couldn't pay them back. I just wanted to die. One thing I know about mental health is in times of stress the mind lies to you. It convinces you that everything is hopeless. Don't listen to that. I promise you, in time, things will be ok again. Your parents may be angry, confused or bewildered that you could be so irresponsible. But do you think they care about money or their son/daughter? Don't worry about money. Concentrate on your mental health and getting as much help as possible.
I even think most about my health. I dont want to end up getting in debt while having kids. Thats why this nonsense is stopping. Im done and I am CERTAIN I have kicked this addiction(not habit). Its the most evil thing in this world. Continuing leads to ruin in all ways. Stay strong my friend. Learn to lose the desire to gamble. That is the true way!
6th day. The days will go by easily when it comes to the gambling. Thats over. Im all done. The only thing that still hurts is to think of the money I lost this time. I worked HARD for the money and its just blown away. Stay away guys! When you realize that gambling is not helping against anything, but the cause of it all, will it be easy. Its not relieving stress, its the cause of it.
Have a good day everyone!
Day 8 now. Still angry and sad. Its because ive relapsed so many times this last year. Im so fed up. Im finally going to manage it this time. I have a plan. Just need this feeling to go away. There is nothing to gain from gambling. How could I be so blind? Stupid brain. Ive got you rewired now!
Guess what I did today......? I managed to lose another 600 pounds. Im in deep s**t now. The reason for my relapse was that I couldnt stand the pain in thinking about losing what I did the last session. I wanted to win some of it back. WHAT A DUMB IDEA 🙁 Im so stupid. What did I do to deserve a life like this? Honestly, Im so low now that any support doesnt help at all..... Im so f*****g P****d off. Imagine all the money I would have if I didnt gamble at all. I miss the time when I was gf 2 years. I remember the day I made that 10 pound deposit. I though hard about it but still did it. I had a feeling of despair when I did. Im so f*****g miserable......................
Sorry to hear you had a slip but not worth beating yourself up about. Recovery is a long process with many ups and downs.
Is having a credit card at all useful? To me it seems like it might be too tempting to use?
Also, just to reiterate, seriously look into whether there is a Gamblers Anonymous meeting anywhere near you. It may sound scary but its the most welcoming and useful community and will seriously benefit you.
You mentioned that you are so low that support doesn't help but keep talking about it. Try to channel your anger (and sadness) into doing more to protect yourself. Actions count, actions add up. People can recover from a relapse, you are learning more and more about yourself and your gambling behaviors. Talk to us if it helps, we are always ready to listen. Set some realistic aims for yourself, e.g. a small saving goal. What do you want to get out of the end of this year?