Hi everyone,
Gamblers who have hit hard times have one overriding emotion in common. A feeling of regret. It's horrible. Why the hell did I do that!? If only I could rewind time!
When you ask people how do I get rid of that feeling they can't help, because they are too busy wading in their own sense of self righteous togetherness!
My theory is called is called 'fatalistic deviation coping mechanism'
It relies on the thought process where every future positive is a direct result of your chosen pathway including past negatives.
A simple example could be you leave the house 10 minutes later after having a row with your partner and the car that was set to career of the road and flatten you is avoided.
You have lost money gambling, but your future fate has deviated as a result. It could be that your future is inadvertently more positive as a result of this situation.
If you rationalize negatives in this way it's easier to let go and not dwell on them.
It works because your fate changes as a direct result of every decision you make, including bad decisions.
Regret can also be used as a powerful motivational factor. Use the regret to drive you to success. Take on a challenge you wouldn't have considered without the gambling turbulence. Start a business or a venture.
It could be the making of you if you flip the negative into a positive.
If none of the above work then just say f**k it, at least I'm still breathing and go to the seaside and have an ice cream.
Whilst i kind of get what you are trying to say i think you maybe over thinking it a bit
The past is the past what is done is done it cannot be changed but it can affect your future positively or negatively if you allow it too
My issues with gambling always came from me obsessing over losses and money constantly chasing and trying too get that money back
fortunatley my finances improved in recent years and funnily enough the urge to gamble began to fade
My logical brain knows that its a mugs game , so once i dealt with the emotional side of chasing money/losses all the time the addiction lost its ***
Hello Lifeisstrange and welcome.
You cant change the past so overall you have to harness the feelings of regret for a positive future.
Whats very important here is that it was never a rational choice. It is a drug addiction and mental illness which you may not fully understand yet.
You cant bet yourself up too much about it. lets put it this way by talking about myself. I was ill.....I didnt understand what was pushed upon me was highly addictive and i didnt realise I was hooked most probably within a week of first trying it.
I never realised how much I was addicted. I just thought it was getting a bit silly and out of hand. I returned to it because it made a twisted sense to try and get some of my money back.
I didnt realise that the drug hook was in the gambling. The money only really mattered when I had none left and couldnt eat.
I couldnt help myself and therefore its not a decision I can regret as if I had any choice in the matter. Its not a 10 minutes later or fork in the road choice...My mind was controlling me with addictive power and in that sense I was a victim of my own ill mind
I was ill and now im much better after healing. I saw a spark of light in 2015 and finally reached out for help. Something made me realise it was finally my rock bottom moment.
So use your deep thinking to work out who you really are and your recovery should go well
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Lifeisstrange,
Yes I like this theory, so long as it doesn't engage us in a route towards relapse. For example, if one was to feel proud of taking positive action - lucky to not being hit by the car in your example - this could lead to 'taking a chance' or 'I feel lucky', and then gambling again.
I totally agree though that this is a good way to deal with the pain of past life mistakes in general, we must recognise that all humans can, and will, make mistakes.
The biggest mistake you can make is not learning from a mistake. For sure, we can harness our negative experiences surrounding gambling and turn them into a positive force that improves our future outcomes. But this is an ongoing project and we must always remain attentive, and not let this form a relapse trigger.
Cheers
Jeano
I take on board regarding the points relating to addiction and not being in control. I too have been completely consumed by obsessing over horse form and staring at odds changing on the computer. Getting angry when I take a price and it drifts because I will get back less if profit if it wins, then thinking about it all day and feeling more anxious as the race gets closer.
Maybe it's a denial by trying to rationalize it as fate's crossroad but it helps me to be positive and try and put a positive spin on it.
I want to use my annoyance at myself as a driving force to be successful in another area and make something happen, but again that could be a lack of acceptance in just letting it go and wash over me.
I suppose detachment can't completely happen when you harbor feelings of regret, so that's something to consider.
In my situation it just means I have made an indent to my savings but the feeling I have is like I've failed and let the bookies win, and that makes me want revenge.
I am trying to let it go but part of me wants to mastermind a plan to fight back. I'm trying to just move on though and draw a line under it, so I can set a stable platform to build upon.
While we gamble our emotions, finances and day to day life are unstable and hang in the balance so that is a big price to pay, so that's what I'm telling myself when I get tempted.
We are all in the same boat. It frustrates me that I have allowed myself to be controlled by something like gambling. I hate losing, so that doesn't help but it's probably a lack of self esteem that drives me to think I have to win to avoid a feeling of failure.
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