I need a loan of money, I have done 3 months in a row throwing every last penny the second it went into my account away. This was due to being prescribed anti depressants which did nothing for my depression, but helped me feel absolutely no guilt or remorse when gambling all my money. Well I managed to stop gambling by christmas day because a. all the money was gone, and there may not be anymore and b. my kids woke up to NOTHING, not even a card. I am still recovering from these stupid antidepressants but the other day the pain of doing this to my family finally hit me and I am now ready to get back on track. The problem I have is that none of my debts have been paid for the past 3 months, including the most essentials. This means I am probably very close to losing my home, my electric is close to being cut off, phone and internet are cut off, theres no money for fuel for our heating so theres no heat or hot water. Basically my home is a hell just now.
I have been of work due to the stress this caused me and I am finding it difficult to go back because I can't see anyway out of the mess. I need somewhere in the region of 5 figures to get myself back on my feet.
I can't borrow the money from a bank or high street lender because my credit record was destroyed 10 years ago when I discovered gambling. Despite what I was told about 6 years and unenforcable debt, I am still hounded. Years ago I had to borrow money to get myself out of a similar situation aswell as replace the car (no car=no means of getting to work=no means of earning money) and had to have my mother borrow this money for me. This month I had to tell her I am unable to pay her the £400 I usually pay her a month so now she is crippled.
I need to pay this debt off and get it in MY NAME, I need all my utilitiy bills and mortgage payments up to date, I also need to start making roads to pay off some of the debts which are affecting my credit record so maybe one day in the future I could do something to my house I've lived in for 13 years and looks the exact way it does when we bought it, we've not even changed the curtains. I have had over 10 years of a 50k salary gone to absolute waste and have nothing to show for it, it does not inspire me to carry on any longer and attempts at ending my life have sadly been in vein, despite the fact it would be for the best.
Has anyone else been in this sort of mess before? How do you break free when the credit record shackles you down? If I lose my house I won't even be able to rent so I will be homeless. I am off work just now so not getting paid, my work are happy to have me back but need to know everything is stable first, they paid me for 3 months while I wasn't there, but their generosity limit has been reached and breached. It costs money for me to go to work. Food costs money. We have no food just now. I can't even afford to go to my work. I went to my bank and they told me they can't give me money, and they don't think giving me any money would help solve anything. I went to citizens advice and all they told me was garbage I can find online, an insult to my intelligence. None of them comprehend the fact that I am going to be homeless and my mother will end up having to pay off a loan she can't afford for me if I don't get some money fast. If people just listened to me and looked at the figures they would see it all adds up and makes more sense to loan me the money at a decent APR to get out of debt, once that stress is out of the way, I wouldn't be concerend with throwing my money away trying to earn enough to pay all the debt each month as my current salary can't pay it all, I can't negotiate with my creditors because they are not my creditors, I have talked family members into taking loans for me aswell so it really really just needs solved from the top down with a big bang, this would kick start everything and help me beat these demons. I know how to beat gambling but I have not had the support from my family because they don't trust me, and somehow I can't convince them that the ideas I had for me beating gambling (setting up joint accounts and several bank accounts) would actually make it IMPOSSIBLEfor me to gamble because I would not have the access to money to gamble, my money would filter itself to my bank account via standing orders from a number or intermediate joint bank accounts which I do not get a card for, we make sure only my partner can access those. This way we see how much we spend on everything and can make roads to reducing our outgoings because its clearer to see what we're spenindg and where we're spedning , rather than my current bank statements where its £10 here £20 there £50 here then £200 there and so on and so on to a number of gambling organisations. I am on GAMSTOP. It hasn't stopped me. I self excluded from bookmakers. Doesn't stop me. The only thing that stopped me was my local casino now requires you to sign up via their online site, which due to the gamstop I can't. For everything else, i will always find ways and means around it until we have things engineered in a way that I don't have access to an account with money, I need an account just with my spending money for the month in it, and I blow that gambling, it will be my problem and my problem alone, not affect our bills, or debt, or savings, or transport or fuel money or money for xmas funds etc. I have everything planned but until I can get on top of it all with a surge of cash, I can't see any way out. I was here 15 years ago and it was a big win that helped me then, it was the only thing that made me get back on top. This has skewed my reality and is the reason I am gambling, just looking to get they money to get sorted....if I had saved the money I gambled I would probably be there by now, but of course I couldn't afford it inthe first place so I wouldn't have saved money like that, and the problem now is that unless there is action, I am homeless and will lose my job and lose everything basically, so there really is no more time anymore.
I hope someone understands and can point me in direction. There MUST be ways and means....if I can still gamble when I'm not supposed to be able to, surely I can get a loan when according to the credit references I'm not supposed to be able to. I make my living solving problems that people think can't be done, I get the work because I ALWAYS say Yes where others are quick to lazily say NO......but i NEVER get this sort of support in my personal life, everyone is so blinkered and blinded and bound by formality.....this is why gambling is the only thing that makes sense to me because THERE REALLY ARE NO OTHER OPTIONS.
Dear @slotgrinder,
I’m so sorry to read that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. Well done for coming back to the Forum to access support. I understand everything seems bleak right now, but you do have options other than gambling. From your post I can feel your distress, and I want you to know this isn’t something you have to go through alone.
As you have no food in the house, I encourage you to access your nearest food bank for emergency supplies. You can search here:
www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank
It’s so important that you and your family have the basic necessities taken care of so you’re in the strongest place possible to start your recovery.
You have clearly already been thinking of strategies that can help you to stop gambling. It seems you are very solution focused, which is a massive strength. Please get in touch with one of our advisers on the HelpLine (0808 8020 133) or NetLine (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now) to talk about how gambling is affecting you and access support and advice specific to your situation.
I am also sending you a private message to discuss some of the other points in your post.
Kind regards,
Elizabeth
Forum Admin
Hi SG and Welcome.
You are a whirlwingd of confusion and depression..Youve got to take a deep breath and consider that you are still with us and thats priceless.
YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT WAY and start again from the basics
Its you and your family thats important. Its your mental heath thats important.
The gambling MUST END and you need help. GAMBLING IS NOT AN INCOME SCHEME and you are very heavily addicted
You need help from all avenues. You cant throw good money after bad and you sound in so much debt and gambling addiction that a consolidation loan sound like a major risk for any lender. I wouldnt lend money to a compulsive gambler...Im not going to soft soap you on that one...these are the tragic results of gambling
The truth makes you stronger and it starts with a financial assessment of your income and outgoings.
You need to ring the doctor and you've got to get help from all avenues. I have to say that if you are climbing the walls of depression and cant hold down a job...only the important health factors matter here
I DO UNDERSTAND but I think you know that sort of financial help is not on offer without collateral...you could build up a credit rating slowly but that wont be fast enough for the situation you describe.
Ive been bankrupt...there is life after bankruptcy...I lost homes but I wasnt happy within myself anyway. I had to look at it that the house was the price I paid to get free or I would have ended up totally insane.
Youve got to stop the gambling...In a way you are asking an impossible question but I see your pain pouring out on paper.....to anyone looking this is how a gambling addiction destroys lives and it a national scandal of deregulation.
You are still here... hang in there...there is help...you are searching for a quick fix and sound like an active addicted gambler...cant you see the dangers there? Your credit rating is your responsibility like that or not...its the way this capitalist world works
You are searching for the wrong answers. The answers are a gamble free recovery and a complete reset of your life.
I dont want you wallowing in sorrow which is why Im sounding tougher than you would like. We care about you and the authorities are not going to see you and your kids on the streets....I suggest you start seeing the CAB and the council because its all got to come out.
Take care and keep us informed
Hi.
I think you should try and get your kids in with your mum for a while and then go seek help for your addiction. As I could read it you have hit the bottom and when you are there an nr of things happen. Should you lose your house you will need to protect those kids of yours and I am pretty sure your mum will help you with that. Then there are places you can go to for gambling where you actually stay there for a while when you receive counselling. I am pretty sure someone here can help you with the contact nr for this. The reason I am recommending this to you is that the pressure you feel atm can not be sorted out just by new loans or writing it on here. You need to get out of your environment for a while when you work these things out or they will just continue in the same way. Make sure that you choose an option that benefits your mum and your kids. Remember they did not choose this so you owe it to them to fight your way back up. Keep posting here so you can get the advice you deserve.
Stay strong. Things will get better after a while.
Hi
Well done for coming here, you recognise you need help. I'm not going to sugar coat this because you need to hear it. The anti depressants didn't make it worse it's just a excuse, how do I know. Because I use to use same excuse. The only one standing in your way is you. I would recommend this:
1. STOP GAMBLING NOW it's destroying you
2. File for bankruptcy online if you have the means to do so. YOUR NOT going to get rich with gambling it's an illusion. It's designed to take money not give. If you have negative equity in your house or is below £1000 you can keep it. If not there is always council housing.
3. There is CBT therapy here available on gamstop. A whole host of other programs too.
4. Life may seem cr@P now, BUT IT WILL get better
Good luck. Tomorow is a new day!
Dear @slotgrinder,
I’m so sorry to read that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. Well done for coming back to the Forum to access support. I understand everything seems bleak right now, but you do have options other than gambling. From your post I can feel your distress, and I want you to know this isn’t something you have to go through alone.
As you have no food in the house, I encourage you to access your nearest food bank for emergency supplies. You can search here:
www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank
It’s so important that you and your family have the basic necessities taken care of so you’re in the strongest place possible to start your recovery.
You have clearly already been thinking of strategies that can help you to stop gambling. It seems you are very solution focused, which is a massive strength. Please get in touch with one of our advisers on the HelpLine (0808 8020 133) or NetLine (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now) to talk about how gambling is affecting you and access support and advice specific to your situation.
I am also sending you a private message to discuss some of the other points in your post.
Kind regards,
Elizabeth
Forum Admin
While there appears to be no foodbank near me, I must object to advising gamblers to abuse this service, this is for people who live in poverty, not idiots like me who have thrown all my money away.
Taking my family and children to my mothers house is also not an option, although I am currently staying there, its my partner and kids who have to suffer the lack of food, heat and hot water there. I can't talk to them as out phones are cut off and internet is cut off. I've just had an email that the electric is due so that will probably be cut soon too. It is for this reason that I cannot fathom why people think money won't help me in this situation.
Dear Slotgrinder
I would like to echo the advice you've been given by other forum users and the information we sent you.
I do want to respond to a couple of points, firstly we were suggesting the Food Bank service both for you and your family. It is important that whatever the reason for lack of money, people are able to have food to eat, especially people who are vulnerable, like children.
It sounds as though your partner and family need support in this situation too, please do encourage your partner to contact our HelpLine 0808 8020 133, to see what help and support are available.
Wishing you all the best
Forum Admin
I agree about the food banks. They are there to help ANYBODY who needs them, for WHATEVER reason. You are not an idiot. You are an addict. There is a huge difference.
I think you need to learn to accept the help that is available. Not all that help will be the kind you are looking for, ie; money. Help for gambling addicts comes in many different ways, some of it is not by giving, buy by taking things away from us. We have to understand that this is also what is necessary to aid our recovery.
Although you have good intentions about a loan, this is borne out of the desperation of your immediate situation and there is no guarantee that you will use it to help yourself in the way you should.
I lost all my money once and had every intention of using the loan to pay off my bills and get up to date with rent. When the money hit my account, I saw an opening, an opportunity to make more with it and I lost the lot. How can others trust us with money when we cannot even trust our own intentions? It is for this reason that it is important that you are able to get support for your situation, but a bail out would not necessarily be good for you or for your recovery.
I was bailed out several times, only to wind up right back where I was again. I wasn't ready to accept help and I wasted several opportunities to get straight. I wanted a quick fix and for all my debt to go away and when it didn't, I grew impatient and gambled again, setting myself back even further each time than before.
In the end, I stopped looking for loans and for bail outs. I stopped focusing on my debt and started focusing on my recovery. Having debt is always going to be a trigger for more gambling, but it will stop being a trigger if you look at your gambling for what it is and for what it has done to you. Then you can start to really see that your gambling is the problem, NOT your debt.
If you solve your gambling problem, the debt will resolve too. If you are serious about recovery, then you will need to slow down and not look for a magic wand to make all this disappear. You are focusing too much on the effect of your gambling rather than solving the reasons why you are gambling.
You mention that Gamstop and self exclusion doesn't stop you. So what will stop you? Perhaps waking up to the situation that you are now facing??? The prospect of losing your home and your security? Surely that is enough to make you stop running to gambling. You know that you are in serious debt, yet still, you have chosen to put your faith in gambling and bet again, instead of paying off bills and stocking your cupboards.
As harsh as it sounds, you must start addressing your gambling and only then can you start to think about addressing the debt. Trying to solve the second part without resolving the first is futile and will only mean that the debt will rise again.
You are also accommodating your gambling by suggesting that you have bills in your name and that if you lose your own money gambling, that it won't be the family's money. That's all well and good, but you are still making excuses for your gambling and accepting in part that it will likely keep happening.
How much proof is enough proof that gambling is hurting you? You are letting go of gambling with one hand but holding on firmly with the other.
Of course gambling companies will still allow you to bet. It's not a problem for them because it's highly likely you will lose, and if you win, they won't have to pay you because you should have been blocked. It's a win win for them and a lose lose for you. Credit agencies don't work that way, if your score is so low, you will be automatically kicked out of the application process because the vast majority of credit lenders are responsible and accept people who can afford to make repayments. Gambling companies actively seek out people who are on low income because these are the people who are most likely to bet everything they have in order to make ends meet.
I am sorry if I sound harsh in my post but I can see so much of myself in your struggles and I was forever angry at the system for not letting me in, for not giving me a chance. I kept gambling out of frustration and anger until I ended up with my back against the wall, just like you. My credit score was ruined, I had 9 credit cards maxed out on 54% APR and I had no choice but to stop gambling. I knew I was beat and I welcomed it. All I ever did was get loans, get credit cards, waste my chances until I got given no more chances but to just do this the long and hard way. No bail outs, just hard work, patience and acceptance.
Ring Stepchange or a similar charity and get help to be put on a debt management plan. Then you can forget the debt and work on your recovery. While you are so focused on debt, you are not free to get well. You have probably been gambling for years, so don't expect a quick fix. As hard as it sounds, you will recover far quicker from gambling, the longer it takes you to rebuild because during that time, you get to fully appreciate the damage that you did and just how long it takes you to get back on your feet.
You don't recover from gambling by clearing your debts but by breaking the connections that lead you to gamble in the first place.
Best wishes.
Still absolutely no help anywhere I turn...all stupid advice about how to save money, YOU CAN'T SAVE MONEY WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY....... there is ZERO financial aid for anyone who falls victim to gambling, despite the fact you may be able to prove you can afford to pay it back. Yet gamblers with good credit history can borrow tens of thousands and P**s it all away gambling, get it written off, and continue on living a life of excess.
Well I have officially had enough, no help from anyone so time to disappear.
Hi Slotgrinder,
I understand your current frustration in being unable to secure a loan which you see as a way out of the situation you are faced with. When we experience crisis it can be difficult to see a way out, especially when we seem to hit a brick wall every time we seek help. It's at times like these that it can be of real benefit to talk through the problems we are facing with someone else, not only to see things from another perspective but also to explore options that we have not yet considered.
With this in mind, I would like to encourage you to get in contact with one of our advisers on the HelpLine (0808 8020 133) or NetLine to see how best we can support you.
Kind regards
Forum Admin
It's really tough for people to give you the help and support you obviously need in this type of format.
There are many possible solutions for all of the problems you are facing. They don't just boil down to a gift of money.
I could talk about ringing the mortgage company and asking for a payment holiday due to your ill health or maybe discussing equity release or something. You are a vulnerable customer right now and they will have procedures in place to help and support you. If you've been paying it on time for 13 years they will want to engage with you.
You could set up a basic bank account (doesn't matter if you've got rubbish credit) and get your money paid into that. Then you can prioritise paying important bills as and when you get money rather than seeing it disappear to the debts you have accrued.
You can call Stepchange and they will help you deal with a budget plan and getting straight.
You could engage with your energy suppliers to get one of those payment meters with a key so you can pay back some of what you owe as you're putting gas and electric on it so that you don't have to go without.
Food Banks can help. So can local Churches or a Sikh Temple. They will feed anybody that turns up hungry at their door. The Sikh Temples all have kitchens so you can get fed.
However, you may decide these options aren't for you for many different reasons.
Just pick up the phone and call the helpline, they can guide you through it.
It's a tough situation you find yourself in. Tougher still for your family right now. Call them, it's much better than not doing anything and just asking for where to get money.
There are solutions. Just trust that it is possible and engage with the support that is there.
It will get better.
Kind Regards
Drama
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