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Gambling has taken everything!  

 
Jay1975
(@jay1975)

Hello,  I have been a member on here for sometime but never posted. On March 11th 2020 i gambled my last penny deciding i can not do the game anyone. I want my life back because right now i am a very poor man and should not be. Ive worked all my life and nothing to show for it. It all started playing dice with my dinner money at school some days were heaven but some days were hell not eating. Was that where the gambling bug came from ? i ask myself half the time. I can even remember playing nearest the wall for 50p a go. It was the thrill of winning at those games with not much harm done in them days. The real harm is done now 44 years old and i am really struggling i have lost my Mrs Kids House and thousands and thousands of pounds over the years. All for what a gamble ?? why couldnt i see that gambling and getting that  big win is all a illusion?? 

 

My last bet was the 11th March as mentioned above in a weatherspoon pub at dinner time on those dreaded machines roulette 4 ball. I play them machines because i am self excluded from the betting shops in my area. This week i have had to live on chips and beans most days. That is the reality of putting my remaining wage 80 pounds(well the bill money) hence i played because needed extra money for myself to enjoy this week (treats and going out socialising)  resulting in making the situation much worse. Its been a hard week but i been here a million times now. I really do need and want to change and quit gambling for ever! Cheers Jay

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Posted : 16th March 2020 7:42 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Jay...Welcome!

We have been there so you are talking to people who understand.

Ive been stood in Spoons gambling and chasing for amounts that made no difference.  Usually after I had been round the bookies and arcades. I was ill I was alone and I was searching for a drug fix to numb the pain of feeling an isolated failure. Truth is those machines were my social life. I hated town and I didnt know how to make new friends

I was hooked on playing which is why any old machine, any old game in any old location would have done. There was no rhyme or reason to my play other than the urge to approach the machine. Those urges could seem quite casual but they drove me to do it

I wasnt socialising. If a pretty lady smiled at me I wouldnt have known what to do...my evil mistress was the machines and I put my head back down and kept playing until extinction. Part of my illness thought hey look at mr cool here with a devil may care attitude. Truth is most people just thought it looked very sad

 I kept gambling until I had no money in my pocket for a drink or a takeaway and I had to skulk off home with the worst feeling in the world.

Its a cry for help Jay. I was killing myself. My mental health was going down the pan.

I needed help...I could take no more one day and I told people close. I self excluded with a surge of pride and i stopped going to any pubs with fruit machines in...I stopped going anywhere aimless and alone because loneliness was one of my many triggers.

Now I realise I just looked sad stood alone by those machines. Its a mugs game as you really know but you are hooked on the chemical rushes. I was a drug addict for them

Only those rushes fade until any amount out just leaves you numb. I dont talk about wins because they wouldnt have touched my overall losses which run into tens and tens of thousands of pounds. I dread to face the true figure which is certainly higher than I think.

You can get help when you realise its a drug addiction and the money is lower down the list.

Its about getting control of your mind back because without that you have no life.

Youve got to do something about it even though your addicted mind thinks there is a way to win it all back and get your family back.

When you feel a pride and love yourself others will respect you too. Youve got to think of the future now

Phone gamcare again and keep talking about it

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th March 2020 2:27 pm
PICA
 PICA
(@pica)

Dear Jay, 

Being of a similar age as yourself and constantly relapsing, I understand what it is like which is very different from being a 25 year old.

We have reached that stage of our life where it is all the more and so difficult to pick to the broken pieces, and as we do get older and with an addiction one finds only the abyss to stare into.

It is a curse, a disease, an addiction, a cancer. It brings more harm than many of the regular addictions and is most difficult to rehabilitate from.

A month and a half back when I got on GamCare, I was really pepped up and blazing out there in the fight, but now is different after the relapse.

But saying all that  you still have yourself and your life ahead of you. Accept all the help you can, and the more the correct people know,  the more all can keep help you abstain and keep away.

Stay strong, and as long as there is hope... do not give up.

You will succeed, one day at a time.

All the very Best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th March 2020 2:40 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

Think it was Tony Robbins who said that change comes when we get so far down and so desperate that we have no option but to change course. That is when change comes. You have to start to hate it so you can leave it. We think we love it but it is not love it is just the ability to feel normal for a short while and when the money is gone then so is the feeling. What is change? It is waking up and doing something completely different. Not going to the favourite pub not reading the same news not walking the same streets. It is adding new habits and getting rid of old ones. The whole thing is a process that takes a bit of time. You need to think outside of the box. Look at yourself from a far and really question. What can that guy do differently today?

And seek help. We can not do this alone. We need to talk to people who know and can give us good guidance.

All the best,

This post was modified 2 weeks ago 2 times by c43h
ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th March 2020 6:12 pm
Jay1975
(@jay1975)

Thanks guys for the response ... So nice you people understand my situation and the drama im going through in this awful addiction. I am getting help now from gamcare and i am going down the CBT route something i have never tried before. I just hope i can find something from CBT to rewire/retrain my brain from this awful illness. 

I am grateful for you help and advice.  Jay

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th March 2020 6:39 pm
Itsoknottobeok
(@itsoknottobeok)

Try and replace gambling with something else you love or a hobbie. Don’t dwell on the past and how much you have lost (money and family) think about the future and what you can now gain and remain positive. Surround yourself with people who have a positive impact on your life. Talk about your problem to people whenever you feel like you want to gamble. Try and let someone else take care of your finances so you can access your bank card. Give your id like driving license and passport to someone and make sure they keep hold of it this will stop you drawing money out your bank if you don’t have your card. Take it day by day this is a slow process but the outcome will change your life I promise you. You’ll have so much more money and will be able to sleep at night stress free. If you need to speak to anyone I’m here and I’ll reply to your message ASAP. Hope your ok mate please stay positive. 

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Itsoknottobeok
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Posted : 20th March 2020 2:25 am
Jay1975
(@jay1975)

Cheers Itsoknottobeok .... Thats sound advice from yourself but the other evening i gambled in a arcade i was feeling stressed from work resulting in me gambling and zoning out make my life worse! 

Again it was the bill money down the drain and the landlady giving me a hard time. I really do have to put the blocks on now arrears and debts mounting up. 

Ive destroyed my bank card and have no passport and yesterday excluded from the arcade which felt grate to be honest. Just another venue to add to my list of exclusions. Its my daughters birthday today i had her money but no longer do due to gambling it away ... No pain and guilt is anything like it now of what i have done in that arcade wow. I borrowed money just to buy her a card and made promises to give her birthday next week 

i feel sick right now. Im such a idiot!  

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th March 2020 7:25 am
Itsoknottobeok
(@itsoknottobeok)

When was the last tome you gambled ? Do you feel like gambling from the minute you wake up? It’s really sad about your child not getting the money for her birthday and having to lend money for a card to but her. That should be the wake up call you need. You want your daughter to be proud of you and to be your best friend you don’t want her to be ashamed to call you her dad do you? Because that’s what will happen if you carry on mate. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th March 2020 8:21 am
Jay1975
(@jay1975)

The last tine I gambled was pay day two days ago buddy. I feel more myself when no access to money like now 27p to my name! Give me any money I will find a way to gamble honestly.

I'm a dad to 4 children been separated 4 years because of my addiction. My ex wife had a lot to deal with in me. She had no choice but look after her and my children to protect them.

I have a lot of hard work to do to build the relationships up with them not forgetting stole from my son to fund my gambling (a lot of money) which I have now paid back! Shocking what ive done and that's not half of it mate.

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Jay1975
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Posted : 20th March 2020 8:51 am
Itsoknottobeok
(@itsoknottobeok)

Sounds really heavy. What will you do for money now until you get paid ? Are you working today? I really want to help you out here I feel for you and can understand what you’re going through. People that don’t gamble don’t understand how it grabs hold of you and it’s so easy to hide! It’s not like drugs were you can see the affects physically. Tell me what you are going to do from this day on to stop you gambling . When are you next seeing your kids. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking and do you have any hobbies ? 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th March 2020 9:05 am
Jay1975
(@jay1975)

So yes im aged 44 .... Will see my kids hopefully this Sunday coming. I will paid Wednesday and have set the money to come out asap so i dont see it mate. For till Weds i dont really want or need any because i will just gamble it away! To be honest i need to treat like a child with pocket money. 

My hobbies i dont really have but take a interest in football which is now doomed for while. Right now i trying to piece a plan together to quit gambling. I need to be strong mate. 

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Posted : 20th March 2020 12:52 pm
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