Hi all,
I confessed to my partner that I had lost our savings through gambling. Had a bit of a breakdown and couldn't keep it to myself any longer. Thankfully, she took it well. She works with mental health and knew how bad I was, which helped. I lost a few hundred after our chat, that finally did it and I installed gamban on my devices. I now can't gamble even though I miss it and want to, I know my debt would get worse.
Those last few losses however, meant I didn't have enough for my bills. She has since took a large amount of cash from credit cards to get me in the clear. For that I'm eternally grateful and will be setting up a direct debit to pay it back. But I just feel so terribly guilty, I then look at my bank and see my empty savings and feel deep shame. Then depression creeps back in and I feel so low. Did any of you experience anything similar? Maybe it's something that will get better in time, I just want to get back to my old self now.
Thanks
Hi there,
Trust me,I know this feeling too:(As at the moment I’m 70Days GF I see how many financial damages I made through the years.
I decided to see my bank transactions for the last 2years and I feel so ashamed as 99%of them were dedicated to casinos.
99%of the time I was on overdraft,paying interest fees to the Bank and basically I was living like complete poor person-depriving myself from even basic things.
Realising this from perspective only shows how deep and brain consuming this addiction is.
It’s great that your partner is so suportive and hopefully with all blocks in place she will not need to face any more stress again related with some loss.
I wish you all the best?
Hi saunby92... Time is a great healer true...but the best healer for you will be to abstain from gambling and repay debt. The most important thing that you've done is coming clean , my husband found me out but end result is the same 212days gamble free blocked from gambling by using gamstop and it's the best thing I've ever done. The shame and depression is normal but dig deep and it will lift . Think about some counselling and or GA. Talking in a room of compulsive gamblers will give you the understanding and support you need, they know how you feel, give it a go what have you got to lose
Hi Saunby92 and welcome
You build up a self respect by talking to your partner and making a point of talking it through so you are both never complacent about it again.
If you can offer some security for that loan please do so. I would say out of sheer respect you should put something legally in writing. Yes something that could be referred to in court as its that serious because partners have to be very careful with bailouts.
Again its a matter of taking steps of pride which helps counter the feelings of guilt
Now we know that you have not done it with an evil laugh to hurt her but its a very complex addiction and a drug addiction above all else.
Forget the trust...you dont need the trust....you need to be monitored and you should be living on an allowance without grumbling or moaning.
The next point is that you wont miss gambling when your mind starts healing properly...Its not for you...its a mugs game anyway and nothing was on offer apart from a drug of expectation. One you became seriously hooked on. Its not an income scheme, free money or a get it back later scheme. Its nothing your delusionaly addicted mind was telling you about it.
Feeling that you miss it now is a dangerous thinking...addicted thoughts and you must talk through all your feelings regularly with partners and trusted friends.
You have a cold turkey and learning journey ahead of you. The power of what you were facing should scare you into the humility and surrender to accept and seek all the help you can get.
Go to a GA meeting...pour the tea, get a biscuit and face others with the humility and truth to realise the past, present and future you is all there.
It doesn't make you an inherently bad person. Like me you were particularly vulnerable to its hooks but that isn't all your fault in a deregulated gambling world gone mad.
You have to accept full responsibility though to fight it away and heal. Responsibility is the truth and indeed serenity when facing this
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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