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Fighting Depression  

 
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

So I have known for a long time that my mental health is the driving force to my addiction. In fact it has just been one of many ways I have tried to cope with my mental health issues. Gambling has been the one I have been able to keep secret the longest.

I suffer with OCD, Anxiety and Depression and the latter have had since childhood. I (try) to manage them without medication since I got pregnant and had my second child last year. And for the most part I am succeeding.  However my mental health is quite delicate and it seems it only takes something to go wrong externally in my life for me to be thrown back in to my internal pit of doom... so here I am the big fat Depression cloud looming and it's so hard to fight my urge to gamble when my depressed mind quite simply doesn't give a ****. I was all set to overcome this and put things in place but now the 'black dog' has arrived and just tells me it doesn't matter, life is pointless anyways,  your X amount in debt now may aswell be double X...

I'm feeling very hopeless and frustrated that I can't *** on to any positivity right now the hill looks too hard to climb so I keep digging instead. I've spent too much. I've lost so much, not just money but my time and concentration that should have been on my 2 beautiful kids. All the messages to myself are negative and hateful and I'm finding it hard to fight...

 

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Posted : 27th October 2019 4:52 pm
Celse1987
(@celse1987)

I suffer from anxiety and depression too and have always opted out of taking tablets until I went to doctors this week because it’s got to the point of needing too. There’s no shame in it. I’ve stopped online gambling for nearly 2 month now. That’s one of the big issues of my depression. It’s hard to give advise as I can’t follow it myself but I’d suggest try all gambling stops available and go see your doctor. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th October 2019 5:17 pm
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

Thanks Celse,

I dont have any shame about being on antidepressants or anything like that, I was on them over 9 years and came off them when I began trying for a baby. I don't really want to go back on them because 1) the withdrawal is a hard process  and 2) I had hoped to have another baby (timing kind of sucks but due to age it's kind of now or never).

I need to get on top of my mood but I'm struggling. My losses keep replaying in mind and send my mood lower. .. I think I need to just write today off and see what tomorrow brings...

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th October 2019 9:30 pm
Celse1987
(@celse1987)

Yeah take each day as it comes. I know it’s hard to stop gambling I have cravings now but not as strong as they was. Each day without gambling you get stronger and with the money you don’t spend on it buy something you need or that will make you feel good. Better still pay some debt off. Keep using that process, slow as it may be, and things will get better. Good luck with everything 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th October 2019 9:39 am
Celse1987
(@celse1987)

Also keep coming on here talking to people. What helped me was look at the amount of days last gambled. Aim for a week then aim for 2. Keep setting goals for amount of days stopped. I’m up to 60 and that alone makes you feel good. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th October 2019 9:43 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi Alkynat,

Thank you for posting on the forum and sharing your experiences with depression. It sounds like you are really struggling. But it also sounds like you are trying your best to get through it. It is difficult to maintain a positive outlook when the waves of depression seem to overtake your thoughts. As you know from previous forum user's you are not alone in this journey. Please do not hesitate to get in touch with our helpline, our adviser's can talk you through some strategies you can put in place, to prevent you from turning to gambling whenever you feel low. They can also connect you to a local treatment service, giving you a safe place to talk openly and freely about your gambling. Our helpline and netline service operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Please continue to post and share on the forum.

Best wishes,

Forum Admin

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Posted : 29th October 2019 11:49 am
Cliffords-had-enough
(@cliffords-had-enough)

 

I think depression is at the root of many addictions.

Some days my life felt so wretched that I didn't even want to carry on. Often, it was only the lottery tickets that I held were the only thing that kept me going, because of the hope that maybe I would win...

It is funny that the thing that kept me going on WAS the thing that was ruining my life...

A viscous circle with only a bad end.  Like a drug addict, the thing I felt I needed to carry on was the thing that would kill me in the end...

I now feel that it is far better to deal with depression than self medicate for it with gambling, drinking etc

Self respect and pride are better medicine than any amount of drinks or bets...

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th October 2019 9:14 pm
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

Thanks for the replies guys, I am struggling spent a whole lot more since I last posted. Am definitely in the grips of a spiral because I'm struggling to find the motivation to put the breaks on. I'm chasing losses by creating greater losses, I know it and yet I still do it because am fearful of being found out but am creating an even bigger mess. I will be contacting the helpline today before I reach the point of no return....

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Posted : 30th October 2019 10:19 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi Alkynat,

We are glad that you are still able to express your feelings on the forum. Sometimes we create our own obstacles to moving forward, but these can be broken down. You deserve the help and support and we are ready to listen on our helpline or netline.

Look after yourself,

Fiona

Forum Admin  

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Posted : 30th October 2019 11:14 am
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