I can't deal with my gambling problems anymore.
I've been gambling since i were 18 and from the start I got debts I can't overcome.
I'm now 28, got a kid who I love.
I've been trying to overcome this addiction but has'nt succeeded.
Got into rehab for alcohol and drugs and were alcohol and drugfree for 4 years ( I've started drinking again aswell)
I were happy, got rid of the alcohol problem I had, but yeah I f****d up... again.
Im now in a position that I have gambled away about 8,000 in USD. ( in a month )
My situation were hard before, but now I also took loans for total 8,000 wich I gambled away.
I can't describe what im doing cause its just so insane.
Okay, so I had about 30,000 gambling debt before this. (My mother helped to take loans aswell to help me)
I've been working hard to overcome my alcohol & drug addiction.
Now im f****d, I got no money for rent, bills etc. AND I GOT A f*****g KID I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF, and I love him, I dont want to loose him. Im so angry, frustraded, sad, depressed and anxious that I just want to end it for good.
What am I suppose to do? The society is built up so that if you're what I am, there's no hope, there's just death that can help me. I want to live but how?
Im locked in the system and I just want to get out, LOANS, DEBTS, HARD TO GET A JOB etc etc. Why should I do something that I dont want to do just because I took ONE wrong turn in life...
If I did get this jackpot that would end it all ( wich will never happen ) I would never never again even think about taking a loan, be a part of the normal of society today, I would live in what I could afford. f**k THIS, YEARS ARE GOING BY, MY LIFE IS PASSING. WHY SHOULD I BE LESS OF A HUMANBEING THEN A RICH PERSON OR A NORMAL PERSON JUST BECAUSE I f****d UP?
I guess this is my fate, to be dependent on other people, to never have any power over myself over my OWN LIFE.
It is just sad, I just want to flee.
Hope you're doing better then I am,
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I know what a dark place you are in and it is just hell but now you have some serious choices to make. You can stay in hell and continue what you are doing or you can start to fight your way back to the surface again. Life is hard. If your down it will continue to kick you in the a**e till your succumb or rise. You give that kid of yours a good look and ask if he/she does not deserve to have their old man around when he/she gets older.
There are no quick fixes or golden tickets to Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory. Its a big LIE. They condition you to believe that that is the road you should be taking and when you find out its wrong it is normally too late, however. There are heaps of people here who have taken that long road and they survived the toughest ride you can imagine and yes they are most likely stronger people today as the lessons they had to learn was hard.
Do not believe for a second that you can't do it because EVERYONE can do it.
You just have to cut through all the pain and hurt and start looking at things in small steps.
Reach out to the admin here who will get you some resources you can turn to for help.
And fight for your kid's sake and all the love you have for that kid.
Don't ever give up.
I guarantee you that you will get better from this. Everybody does with time.
You're 28 years young. You have a whole life in front of you.
Yes you have debt. Yes, you have an addiction or three. It sucks but you've already shown that you can overcome these obstacles in your life. Get back on the program and work GA as well as AA. Work the twelve step program again and slowly one day at a time you'll be further and further away from where you are now.
As for doing something that you don't want to do, if you are talking about a job, it might be anything that can just get you settled.
I restarted my life at 31 for a great career. I'm having to do the same thing again now I'm 50.
It does suck that because you take a wrong turn in life it seems to hang over you forever but it doesn't have to. The further you are away from that last bet, drink or drug will give you more hope and optimism for the future.
Try to use this platform as your diary and talk about what you're up to, how you're feeling, good and bad, and hopefully you'll see the improvements one day at a time.