Posted: Thu 29 Nov 2007 21:41:51
The Rules of Being Human
You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.
You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you think you need.
There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial, error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success. Maybe more.
A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and ultimately your behavior) then you can go on to the next lesson.
Learning lessons does not end.
There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live there will be something more to learn.
вЂњThereвЂќ is no better than вЂњhereвЂќ.
When your вЂњthereвЂќ has become a вЂњhereвЂќ you will simply discover another вЂњthereвЂќ that will again look better than your вЂњhere.вЂќ Don't be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have.
Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.
What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you create with those tools and resources is up to you. Remember that through desire, goal setting and unflagging effort you can have anything you want. Persistence is the key to success.
The answers lie inside of you.
The solutions to all of life's problems lie within your ***. All you need to do is ask, look, listen and trust yourself.
Good one Michelle, excellent idea. Some might find the post I have chosen, disturbing, so be warned. Alf
It was posted by Kim on the 30th April, 2006
Hello to everybody,
Aside from everything else thats discussed on this forum what strikes me the most is the openness and honesty that is shared here, as most of you know i came here for different reasons, but there has always been something that ive held back,and if i am to continue to be part of this community then it's time i came "clean"
Here is my "story"
When i joined this forum 2005 there were just a few members, and i like those few had come looking for answers.
Not answers about an ever growing gambling problem,or how i had lost everything on the turn of a card, or even how my family had threatened to leave me if i didn't stop.
Answers as to how someone, anyone, could sink into the depths of despair over something thats supposed to be fun?
Thats how it all started, not for me , but someone close, a good friend, the best of friends, you know the kind that picks you up when your having a bad day, the one who makes you laugh till your stomach hurts, the one who's secrets you keep with you always.
What started out as a bit of fun turned into just that, a secret, but not one of those that i promised to keep, but a secret not to be shared.
Soon part of the secret revealed it's self, "THE BIG LOVE AFFAIR"
But not in the normal sense, no, this affair was between a man and a machine.A big chunk of metal with flashing lights, and a big open "mouth" into which it was "f*d".
It was a greedy machine, not only did it take every penny earnt by my friend, it took away so so much more than that.
First it was his sense of humour, then the smile that had shone like a beacon for 15 years of my life,then slowly but surely the very soul of my friend was gone, till all that was left was, this robotic person that was unaware of anything and everything that was going on in the "real world".
Yes, we were the best of friends, did i try to help him?
In all honesty, i was jealous, yes JEALOUS, of a bloody machine.
Sure i pleaded , begged even for him to stop feeding this already obese machine, to stop filling the already overflowing coffers of the bookie, and on the few occasions i managed to drag him away for a swift half in the pub it was like being in the company of a zombie.
I knew that he was longing to go back to "her" even though "she" was destroying him.
Selfishly this wasn't about him or "her" it was all about ME ME ME.
The good times had stopped rolling, I wanted to have fun, I wanted my friend back, and I wasn't prepared to compete with a MACHINE!
For two long years this continued, the friend i had known , that was always turned out well, was no more, in his place stood a man that didnt bother to wash, shave, and sometimes even eat.The other friends he had, were by now long gone, his family struggling day on day, week on week to make ends meet.
March 2nd 2004
This is one of those days that will stay with me FOREVER.
He stood on the same spot where he had stood for the last 2 years,
when funds would allow, and placed what was to become his last £5 into "her" in the blink of an eye it was gone.
He sank like a rag doll, screaming and crying uncontrolably, i tried to comfort him, to get him to see that he needed help.
"No one understands, and nobody cares anyway"
He turned and looked at me, and just for a split second i saw the person he used to be.
I never saw him again, March 4th 2004 the Fire Brigade were picking up the bits of his broken body from the underground.
For the next year or so I lived my life full of guilt.
I wasn't a true friend, a true friend would have seen what was going on and tried to help.
A true friend wouldn't have been so wrapped up in their own "pity party".
If your still reading this you maybe saying " there was nothing she could have done" " no one understands a gambler like another gambler"
Well i have been surrounded by gamblers for 23 years of my adult life.
Behind the bookies counter , day in day out, surely i would know how to spot "the signs"?
Being honest, until i was presented with it in my own life i never gave it a 2nd thought.
So as it started, i came to this forum looking for answers,and again being honest, to "right my wrongs".
I guess i became a little too enthusiastic, i wanted to ease my guilt.
Two years on , i understand more,sure i will never fully understand
Im glad that there are places like this, where everyone is batting for the same side, where people from all corners of the globe can come and just be.
Wishing you all well on your personal journeys.
Take Care, keep sharing
Im sorry if this has upset anyone, this is/ has never been my intention.
JACKG's favourite posts Volume 1:
Hope no one minds that I have trawled through some diaries to find these truly motivational posts.
Lucy: My husband gives me a goal to fight towards and for that I am glad.
Lucy: I went swimming today the first time in many many years and did 20 lengths and enjoyed every one of them, a semi clear head and wanting to swim made all the difference (wouldn't have found teh time before)
Rusty: you are hitting the nail on the head by saying that it doesn't matter about the label, but just to realise that gambling isn't good for us, and to recognise the need to stop.
WB: Now I read something, somewhere that said that people who give up because of hitting "Brick walls" simply don't want it enough.
Alice: Since I have been looking after myself physically (regular meals, bed times, exercise) I have noticed that I have a lot more energy which helps with the whole mental stuff! I think i said in my diary a few weeks back that how can we expect to be healthy mentally if we are not physically healthy. Also through doing these things we are learning to look after ourselves and we will naturally become more positive in our thinking.
Rusty: This time i have learned that i don't need the gambling stick to beat me up with, and i think the penny has just about dropped that i don't need to beat me up with anything.
Keith: At the end of the day there are 1000s of reasons to gamble, but the real reason is we want to, simple as that. Everyone has traumas in their life, happy days, sad days, hard times, sometimes lots of money but unless we grow the strength to resist these urges we will fail.
Keith: Staggers me when i see people talk of watching racing or poker on the telly then wonder why they get urges. FFS it aint rocket science, give yourself a chance. Then they give advice to others on how to stop them or others gambling when they are still doing it themselves.......get real. Guess its the nature of the illness that sometimes we cant recognise the obvious.
JackG: The biggest of the 12 steps is taking the first one and never looking back. Well, look back if you like but just stay walking forwards.
Keith: You are right, when i stopped for that year i was active in GA but got complacent. I was even Secretary at one meet but in my heart i know i didn't want to stop and used the anniversary to pat myself on the back and start again. It was almost like i had deserved it, dumb or what.
Quote from Charly: I can always take strength and comfort from knowing I belong to a worldwide fellowship. Thousands just like me are working together for the same purpose. None of us needs ever to be alone again, because each of us in our own way works for the good of others
Lucy: Boring is good, boring is normal, boring is fanbloddytastic xx
Anna: Get out and make some friends, surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, and most of all, remember that you are never, ever alone.
Charly: Once the demon 'gambling' is no longer with us, it is surprising how much we haven't dealt with. It seems every day things can be too much sometimes. Focus on reading or finding a hobby which holds your interest to get you out of the 'I'm feeling down in the dumps' feeling.
Doodle: It's good to see that you are doing well coping with your gambling thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts, they are not actions. As long as we ensure we don't follow through with our thoughts there will never be a problem.
Keith: The choice is clear, to give up gambling and develop a new spiritual way of life full of love, honesty, and all the good qualities in life...........or carry on and end up in the gutter, no friends, no love just full of self pity.
JackG: Today I am NOT a gambler and I don't want to waste my time or life doing worthless things.
Charly: Because we always want to control, we have trouble letting go. But only by letting go, can we move forward and truly recover.
Quote from Rusty: Resentment is a kind of attachment. It builds a strong connection between you and the person you resent. Is that really what you want? The time and energy devoted to resentment are your own. Is that really how you wish to spend those precious resources? Ralph M.
Lucy: There is a fire in my belly ok its not burning bright but you are right its there and its going to reignited and give me back that glow in my tummy. I can picture it I can see it.
JackG: instead I will think about the good things that are here right now - my health - my wife - my friends - my handle on gambling - my increasing + bank balance - my returning sense of humour - my liking of me again - my honesty - my excitement at new beginnings
Kim: I hear what your saying about certain things (coping , strategies, ect) being available at the click of a button... but... and this is just a suggestion - Why not make your own, you know the little wallet sized ones you can get in card shops that say inspirational things........
Williebhoy: found having things to do, keeps me from thinking about gambling. I use ******* (Selling) Learning a language. Exercise Visit friends Watch a film Listen to some music
Jan: When the "real" world seems boring because I am missing that fix, I will remind myself that at least I can hold my head up and be honest with myself. No more lieing about where I have been and no more leaving the arcade hating myself. I want to like myself.
Williebhoy: A few positives. The low days make us appreciate fully the UP days. There will ALWAYS be more UP days than low ones now. Your friends are ALWAYS going to be here for you.
Doodle: We learn more and more about ourselves during each and everyday of our recovery. Believe in yourself, you have shown great spirit and fight before, this time you can beat it once and for all...
Taken from gull's diary :
If you always think how you have always thought
Then you will always feel how you always felt
If you always feel how you always felt
Then you will always do what you have always done
If you always do what you have always done
Then you will always get what you have always got
If you always get what you always got
Then you will always think how you always thought
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES
A great post from Kim:
Tools for dealing with feelings. Since negative moods raise one's vulnerability to relapse, it's important to develop some ways of coping with them--ways to relieve the intensity so that feelings can be tolerated.
1. Just let it be. When a feeling does come up, just let yourself sit with it, become aware of it, and go through it. Remember that you can't die from a feeling, and healing takes place just in feeling long-denied emotions. Remind yourself that you are safe.
2. Keep breathing! When you have a difficult feeling, take several slow, deep breaths. This helps you "center" yourself, to regain the sense of honor belonging to your true self.
3. Remember that you don't have to act on it. Having a feeling doesn't mean you have to do anything about it right now--or ever. A feeling can just be felt.
4. Reach out. For most people in early recovery talking about what they're feeling with someone supportive is the key to coping. It helps to diffuse the urgency of the feelings and put them in perspective. Instead of seeking to change the mood with your gambling, let your support group be your mood-changer for awhile.
5. Don't judge feelings. There are no "shoulds" when it comes to feelings. They are neither right nor wrong. Your feelings are automatically justified, just because you feel them--even if no one else validates them.
6. Notice negative tapes playing in your mind that reinforce the negative mood. Are you telling yourself that you're a "j**k", "stupid", "worthless", or otherwise verbally abusing yourself? If so, take a moment out to reprogram your internal computer. Tell youself the kinds of things a loving parent would tell an unhappy, upset child. Try it, and see what a difference it makes to be respected.
7. Stay in the moment. Many of the addict's painful feelings are related to past hurts or fears about the future. That's why bringing yourself back to the present can help you cope better too. A baby does this automatically. She can be crying one minute from a wet diaper and smiling the next, as the diaper is changed. She's not hanging on to the past, or worrying about the future.
8. Check out reality. Because our most difficult feelings often stem from primitive, irrational beliefs and fears, they can have little to do with our current reality.
9. Remember, "this too shall pass." Feelings, like cravings, are always temporary. No matter how uncomfortable, they do pass in time. Feeling something right now does not mean you will feel it forever from this moment forth.
10. Let your feelings thaw out. If you blocked off your feelings in childhood, you may be emotionally numb now, not even aware of what you feel anymore. In recovery, you may be in for some surprises. Getting in touch with your feelings again will be a process, not a one-shot event. As one recoverying person puts it, "When you've been numb all of your life, it takes a while to thaw out."
11. Take it slow. You don't have to feel everything you've stuffed for the past thirty years--right now. In fact, in early recovery, it's best to avoid situations guaranteed to elicit intense feelings, since enough will come up on their own.
12. Own your own feelings. Blaming someone else for "making" you feel something is adictive thinking; it's giving others power that's not rightly theirs. "But," you ask, "shouldn't other people be held responsible for their actions?" Yes, but how you choose to react to them is up to you. Far from letting others off the hook, you gain freedom with this new approach; you're no longer tossed about by everyone else's behavior.
13. Use your feelings as signals. Negative moods exist as a signal that something needs attention and possibly some action. They're like the fever that comes with a flu and tells you to take time out to heal yourself.
14. Write. Writing is a good tool for discharging overwhelming feelings. Write a letter to the person you're angry at or the person you feel abandoned by. Plan ahead of time not to mail it. That gives you a focus for articulating your feelings, with the freedom of knowing you're not going to have to deal with the ramifications.
15. Guard against relapse when you're in a state of heightened emotional vulnerability. Post on these boards and/or call someone you feel you can trust and talk with them.
16. Watch out for self-pity. Of course, it's possible to get stuck in a negative mood, to wallow in it unproductively. You may prolong a dark mood for secondary payoffs such as sympathy from others, t0 avoid taking the necessary actions to resolve it, or even to build up an excuse to gamble again. If you become aware of your mood, you can move on.
17. Change the way you review pain. Addicts, and indeed our whole cuture, look at pain as something that should always be avoided--at any cost. Yet it's the resistance to pain that's often the most painful. That's what addiction is, and look at the pain it has brought. In recovery, you can learn to meet pain head-on and, through meeting it, excperience personal growth that is ultimately freeing.
18. Do something nice for yourself. Nothing helps soothe sore feelings like T.L.C., and don't always wait for someone else to give it to you. Give yourself a bubble bath, a nap, a manicure--whatever is nurturing for you. It reminds you that the " child within" is not being abandonded. And nurturing yourself is different from indulging: indulging is eating a whole box of cookies when you feel bad. Nurturing is make a delicious meal for yourself.
i tried to copy and paste the post ALF put in this for favourites post by KIM,but no success at copying and paste.first time ive read that post by KIM that ALF copied and pasted . i am not ashamed to admit it tears were running down my face,honestly the tears are still on my face,stay strong everyone.
Each one of the following quotes are my favourite for the same reasons. They all highlight how much better our lives are now we don't gamble. Read them through and remember that we are all so much more happier now that we aren't gambling. I think that I could have put a quote on from everyone who has a diary on this site but it would've turned into a very long post so have just chosen a few! Remember a gambling free life is a fulfilled and happy life!
Lucy: Got through today.. Bring on tommorow I am ready for another day of not gambling..
Teresapb: I am glad to say that the scratch cards remain in the shop for some other poor soul to purchase and I FEEL GREAT
Cazza: hi people,this is my 4th day now without goin anywhere near a fruit machine. i had my best day so far yesterday, i was just soooo busy, the fruit machines never even entered my head.
Kerrie: LOST NO MONEY OR SELF RESPECT TODAY!
Alice: Well yesterday felt good waking up realising i hadn't gambled the night before.
Steve: i feel great no money spent on gamblin and today is pay day.
Chances: So, on to new, positive, productive choices with healthy rewarding consequences.
Rusty: This year, i am in a much better place emotionally than i was last year, and most certainly the year before that, and the year before that i was still gambling.
Scouse: 7 day's and feeling quite good
Anna: which I never could have done when I was gambling. I remember so many occasions when I used my comp points at the casino gift shop to get little crappy gifts because I didn't have any money. This feels so much better!
W: This is day 4,haven't gambled since Monday morning and feeling very positive.
Cashed in In the USA: I am happy for the first time in my life, I know now I have a fighting chance against gambling
STRATEGIES TO COUNTER THE ADDICTION VOL 2:
I hope it's okay to take great advice from others on this site...
Doodle: "When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a *** showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it - but all that had gone before."
Jane: today I've gone back to the accounts that I had deleted and excluded myself as well, I'm also changing passwords for my partners site so I can no longer use them.
Williebhoy: I read you are struggling to fill your time. Well if you were anything like I was it will be a lot of time to fill. I have found listening to my fav music incredibly relaxing, especially when the wee urges start. Sure if you put your mind to it you will come up with so much more, reading, visiting friends, maybe some volunteer work so many things to see / do and all much more worthwhile than gambling.
JackG: Yesterday I walked away from the counter where I was about to buy lottery tickets saying I am NOT a gambler and for one moment I wasn't a gambler - just a bloke wanting to keep his money in his pocket for a while longer. I felt great as I walked out and that banished any urges (which came back later but I was miles away from temptation then).
Doodle: Try to keep posting, or being in the chat, use whatever seems right for you on any given day. I have discovered more about myself over the past few months than in any given time in my life.
Kim: To attain success or to reach your goal, don't worry about having all the answers in advance. You just need to have a clear idea of your goal and move toward it. Don't procrastinate when faced with a difficult problem. Break your problems into parts and handle one part at a time.
Anna: Way to go on finding another way to occupy your time! I've driven more miles than I care to admit sightseeing and keeping busy, and it's working. I'm having fun, AND I'm not gambling.
Sillyfool: I really feel self-exclusion is the way to go for me. It just takes away the option which would always be the option I would go for! They were all so nice when I did it too - which helped enormously.
JackG: Think of the most precious person too you (alive or passed on) and imagine what you could give them if you stopped gambling... or pick on someone you really admire and imagine yourself in your place being given advice in a warm tone.
Lucy: There is chat that is moderated by Gamcare here on this site it is open at set hours and. Click on the online support at the top of the page and it will tell you the times.. When chat room is open if you go into Overcoming problem gambling (see left hand side of this screen) and follow the link.
Alice: Beating this addiction isn't just about giving up gambling, it's also about changing yourself and your actions. You don't want to start by lying. We all know that relationships have to be built on trust and trust is definitely not built on lies.
Dave: Day 4, I ripped up my Timeform 50 horses to follow publication yesterday and that was my bible!!
Charly: When you go to your G.A. meeting, go with an open mind. Not everything that is said in the room is going to help you. But you can take out of the room what you need for your own recovery.
ThereIsLight: You have been gambling long enough to realise that this is a tough illness to recover from and by just saying I'm going to stop is normally not nearly enough, we need to get honest with ourselves and grow up. I think most CG are immature and still live the easy dreamy existence. Life is tough we need to work hard at our recovery and part of that is swallowing the pride and shame and admitting our addiction.
General: Self-excluded myself from ******* and ******* and c*t up my account card with *********. Paid £100 off a gas bill which made me feel better and arranged to see my bank tomorrow to sort a couple of minor account details tonight.
LittleMitzy: The best bit of advise i had was off Kerrie (a member off this site) that was don't look at the long term just take it a day at a time. Its a bit of a clichГ© but it really helped me in the first week. Just say to yourself "no gambling today" and that will motivate you everyday.
ARNIE: NOTE TO SELF: Write a hardcopy log/ journal/ diary of my feelings towards gambling, myself, and the relationship between the two. Read it anytime i feel the urge to gamble.
InDenial: When an urge occurs, accept it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other". Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried in your wallet or purse).
Kim: Trying not to dwell on our "mistakes" but to learn from them and try to move on. Whilst in the process of learning , ACKNOWLEDGE the things we do RIGHT.? BIG accomplishments CAN be made out of little ones ......right?
Stephen: Channel that anger in the right direction so that you no longer want to be a customer of these gambling machines. Sort of in the same way you would no longer patronize any restaurant that serves high priced meals which give you food poisoning. Don't use anger to try to get revenge against them and try to win your money back, because that won't work, and actually that's what they want us to do.
Rusty: You do not need to be affected by your thoughts. You are more than your thoughts. If you can acknowledge the thought, and respect it, but allow it to float on by, it then takes the struggle out of the equation. The more we struggle with our thoughts the more likely they are to be turned in to actions.
Pablo: You need to be totally committed to giving up in my eyes, not have any part of you hanging on for another last go and have the motivation to succeed.
Rusty: while you are still using the word gambling in your thoughts, its the word gambling that gets the emphasis in your thought programme. The 'not' in the sentence could easily be over looked. Howz about changing that whole thought pattern to something like 'I am living a successful and meaningful life'
Alice: That is a great question "if you could define how you are succeeding in a few words what would they be?" I'm not sure how to answer that but will give it a go - Self exclusion from casinos. Looking back over the last few years and knowing that i can't continue as I have been. Support from people on this site and from GA. I guess sheer determination - the hatred of failure!
JackG: Self excluding from bookies, taking control of my cash, thinking about why I gambled and how it has hurt me and others, knowing I find gambling too painful to continue and that I prefer the honesty and freedom that not gambling brings, having support from strangers on here, and that I can be moved by the stories of others.
Deeds: I get on and live rather than gamble now, which is what 'normal' people do. Do you ask someone who has never gambled, how they fill their time? No. It is called 'life' and 'living', and it can become addictive as well, you know!!. 'Life' is something none of us have when we are in the grip of addiction.
Doodle: Coming here doesn't hold me back, in fact at times it motivates me to push on in my life. Gambling was all about me, it was individual, lonely and selfish. Coming here is about sharing, helping and opening up. Even if this replaces a small fragment of our gambling time, it can only be a positive. This site the fantastic support will always be here for us, whether we move on or not.
Posted: Sun 18 Dec 2005 15:05:28
I'm starting this thread to give new and existing forum users an insight into the full extent of the damage that a gambling addiction can do. In my experience, this habit can penetrate so many different parts of our life вЂ“ here are a few areas that I'd like to highlight. Some will be familiar to you others may not have affected your personal life. I've come up with 10 different areas вЂ“ if anyone can add to these then feel free.
(1) The obvious one - your bank balance. If you're a compulsive gambler, you're likely to be skint most of the time.
(2) Your partner - How many of us neglect our closest friend while we are deep in gambling mode? Our so called 'soul mate' can quickly turn into someone who we hardly know at all. Eventually, they may walk. Especially if the household finances are in turmoil and your partner does not understand why you are skint all the time. Some of us will even steal from our partner to fund our addiction.
(3) Your children - Just an hour spent at the casino or online gambling can deprive your children of that essential time that they require with their parent. Most of us will in fact spend much longer than an hour.
Another point to note here is that whilst the casino or bookies is out of bounds to children, they are still (for some unknown reason) allowed at the dog track and the horse races. This is no place for a child and is more likely to turn them into a gambler when they are older. If you want to take your kids for a day out, there are cheaper places than the races.
It's not uncommon to hear of gambling addicts stealing from their children as well вЂ“ many of us intend to put the money back when that вЂbig win' happens. This very rarely happens.
(4) Your credit rating - Following on from number 1, if you gamble long term, you are eventually going to get into financial difficulty and your credit rating is bound to be affected. This, in turn, will mean that you may have difficulty getting credit in future (even as little as a mobile phone contract or a monthly gas bill agreement) and will mean that you are likely to be spending more money on essential products over time.
(5) Your family - Covered already in 2 & 3 somewhat, but what about your parents, your siblings are other family members? You will inevitably neglect them and when it comes to Xmas time or birthdays, you will be unlikely to be in a position to shower them with gifts.
There's a deeper issue here - how many of us have lost the trust of family members through lying about our habits or even stealing from them? This trust can take years to build back up.
(6) Your employer/colleagues вЂ“ How many of us have found that our work has been affected by gambling? Some of us will gamble in works time, others will take time off as sick to gamble and there may even be some who steal from their employer or colleagues to fund their gambling addiction. Either way, the only loser will be YOU when you either lose the trust that you have built up at work or get the sack. Big Brother is always watching as well вЂ“ how many of us have got into trouble at work for вЂinternet misuse' for going on gambling websites in works time? I know I have.
(7) Your health вЂ“ How many of us have suffered from genuine illness brought on by the stress of a gambling addiction? I know I have. The constant worry of being skint, the panic every time the phone rings, the fear of a knock at the door from the bailiffs вЂ“ we are only human, this sort of lifestyle will eventually manifest in illness.
Another issue here may be the fact that we are reluctant to use gambling money for anything else вЂ“ even food, sometimes. I had a friend who used to rely on free drinks and sandwiches in the casino вЂ“ when they stopped doing them, he lost about 2 stone, because he would always rather spend the money on the tables than anything else.
(8) Your sleep вЂ“ Following on from the health issue, your sleeping patterns will inevitably be affected by your gambling habit - Especially if you gamble online, where you can gamble around the clock вЂ“ 24/7. With the growth of internet betting, more and more people will neglect themselves and end up going to work not having had enough sleep. How many of us can confess to having gambled for far longer than planned. I know I used to play for 12 hours at the time, sometimes longer, when I was gambling.
(9) Your ambition вЂ“ As a gambler, you will probably have a distorted view of the world and possibly even вЂdelusions of grandeur'. Your ambition in life, both at home and at work, may suffer as a result of the constant losses. Aims that you had previously may no longer be possible вЂ“ financial constraints now mean that there are certain things that I can no longer do - All because of gambling.
(10) Your freedom/Your Life вЂ“ There are many addicted gamblers in prison. We've probably all heard of вЂNick Leeson' and some of you may have seen the film вЂRogue Trader'. Some gamblers will end up gambling to such an extent that they end up committing a criminal act and this can result in the removal of their freedom вЂ“ prison.
Other compulsive gamblers, sadly, do not seek help, but instead choose to commit suicide. The guilt and shame affects them so much that they feel that this is the only way out. This will of course impact of their friends, their family & colleagues.
Just for today I will not gamble вЂ“ Just for today, I will try and become a better person.
User Posted: Sun 18 Dec 2005 15:13:39
A very recent post from marks. Superb!
Indebted, alot of people, i have come to realise do not have much financial sense.
Lets tell a story:
Ignore gambling for a moment and lets look at the average joe, and when i mean the average joe, i mean your general ordinary guy who's sweeped floors, cleaned s**t out of toilets and (in general) got his hands dirty. All the while keeping his mind active with the world of imagination and DREAMS, he's thinking of the high life, that he has not attained in his miserable life earning a pittance.
Joe buys a lottery ticket, ok he does not expect to win, but he dreams of the win, and for this time it comes true, Joe lands the jackpot £1 million.
Joe immediatly stops dreaming and starts turning his fantasy into reality, so he eats into this £1 million capital, buying a big house, nice car, living it up with chapaign and caviar, having maids clean his floors, a big swimming pool using lots of water and requiring cleaning, hes having a heck of a time, and it's all great, all go good for maybe 10 years, then it's all gone, and joe can only dream again, dream of that win.
Dream he may just get it all back.
WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG????
Ok Joe made a big mistake, he spent his capital and had no income, he did not know that ВЈ1million buys you a ВЈ52,000 a year income without spending capital, and even if he did, he wanted to spend spend spend, borrow and borrow, he figured £1million now is better than a few grand a month more than he earnt from working.
He could have had a ВЈ4.5k income per month and just kept an ordinary existence, without touching the £1million.
There is a lot of joes around, many are celebritys, many are lottery winners, they all crash and burn because they want everything today and to hell with tommorrow.
Do you want to be Joe?
I sure as hell don't, joe's a loser, and will always lose, because his financial IQ is zero.
People assume tommorrow isn't here today, on the contrary, everything you do now affects tommorrows outcome, therefore tommorrow is here today by the choices you make now.
I think this post is one of my favourite posts i read today, its from anna to steve, Posted: Wed 05 Mar 2008 03:31:31
its so inspirational. well said anna x
I want you to repeat after me -- "I believe in myself. I believe in myself, I know I can do this. I am strong, I am determined, and I CAN do this." Just keep telling yourself that over and over and over. You are doing so well, Steve, and from the heartbreaking honesty in your posts, I can tell that you really WANT to do this and you don't want to let your wife down.
JACKG's fave posts
VOL3: Emotional strength
I hope people don't mind but these really help me
Keith: yes it feels strange saying you cant ever gamble again but its this acceptance that paves the way for the future....remember its "just for today I will not gamble" don't think of it as a lifetime, just a day at a time, its easier that way.
Lucy: Am ready to dig a little deeper as to why I gambled but if there is no answer then so be it...
Doodle: I have seen you discover and embrace so many new or hidden qualities during your recovery, the non gambling вЂL' truly is a wonderful person to know. "What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us".
JackG: Have no fear that you will become complacent because when you feel afraid come back and people on this site will reaffirm your strengths. Depression is fine - you are responding to your situation and you are currently looking at the negatives - the depression will lift when the positive thoughts come in. You want a positive thought ? I AM at this moment rooting for you mate.
Anna: I know it feels like you've blown it, but the others are right. This is not the end of your hard work, merely a learning experience. Take all you have learned thus far, and celebrate the days you have been gamble free, and keep on looking forward, never back!!
Charly: Some clever person once wrote "When I allow myself to dwell on the problem, the problem will worsen. But when I dwell on the solution, the situation will improve"
Rusty: Being able to see progress that you have made is something that is so good for us to be able to do. At the beginning it just feels impossible, but slow sure steady progress is the key, and that is exactly what you are doing.
StephenJ: I discovered that the more people that are behind you and supporting you the better things will get.
Deeds: Life doesn't suddenly become a bed of roses the day you stop but I just found I was so much better and stronger at coping with things and living in the 'real' world. Like you, I found I also got a lot healthier both mentally and physically once I was free of its grip, and enjoyed decent sleep again.
Ukboxer: I've made so many changes even just this morning, its incredible how much a gambling addiction holds us back but equally incredible how quickly we made positive changes. You and everyone else here are a credit to the human spirit. This brave recovery is truly one bet you will not lose.
Susie: вЂ¦at first you feel like you will never ever be happy again, and that you will feel miserable all the time. But then, after a while, you might one day have a few minutes where you forget. The misery bit might come back, but for a few minutes it's not there anymore. And then, a bit later still, it might be an hour. Then a day. Then a week.
CMBURT: I have this little theory, i believe that there are no mistakes in life just experiences, whether they be good or bad experiences as long as you learn from them they were all worthwhile 🙂
Carol-Ann: one of the best ways to stop this downward spiral is to share these angry thoughts with someone who can unconditionally accept you where u are, and listen to you and be there for you, and help you to come to terms with what is going on for you just now
51neverlookingback: I equate it to when I have had each of my pregnancies, going through labour I vow I will never want to go through it again, the pain etc but within giving birth my brain forgets all the discomfort and I bet there are lots of women out there who have said like me "I cant wait to have another one!" I find when I have spent out gambling I swear I will never want to feel the pain again, but it only takes a few days before I start wanting to feel that rush again. But I know I have to muster up all my willpower this time and I constantly remind myself of those bad feelings.
Ben1973: I have acceptance...... complete and utter acceptance of what I've done. I'm smiling more now than ever. There are no more "what ifs". . .
вЂO': Doing a few sums in my head and I realised that this is rapidly becoming one of the most successful 'recoveries' that I've ever had, even with the one day slip in late July. There is no doubt in my head that this is mostly due to this magnificent site...it keeps me occupied, keeps me grounded, and reminds me of why I joined and how low I felt back then.
Peg: Life can be better than it has ever been...it really can. For me, several things had to come together all at once in order for me to 'get it' for recovery to really 'kick in' but...if I wasn't TRYING then it would not have happened.
Josh66: For me, I realise that addiction is a choice. Believing it is an illness makes me feel powerless. This was particularly bad when difficult times came along. Why? Well because you have been trained to be "powerless of course"! I have not been here because I am dealing with the REAL problems. The gambling is a symptom of my problems and I finally see that. The bottom line for me ..."get real". I had to see reality.
Anon: (On self-exclusion) I did it!! Hardest thing ever. Felt horrendous but as I walked away I felt brilliant.
Tel: That bit about looking back a few months to the competent capable person you were and beating yourself up for what happened since is sooo familiar. Remember the competent capable person you still are. The fact you have had the strength to break away from the gambling is testament to that!
Anna: My great uncle is a very wise man. He and my great-aunt live in a small house that's always been too small for their family of 5, but it was what they could afford when they were first buying. He told me during my last visit "We could afford a big grand house now, but we'd rather spend our money to travel and enjoy our family than to have a big fine house. A comfortable one is so much better."
Rusty: You say that you are feeling more comfortable with yourself. I think that this is a major point in this recovery thing. when we are continually fighting ourselves then the struggle gets more and more difficult.
NoCasino: It is such a relief to get the money situation sorted out that you kind of relax and ..... gamble again. Watch out for that, that is my advice. Good luck.