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Falling Apart  

 
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

I can't even bring myself to read any of my previous posts,  I know they will be full of hope and aspiration of a new beginning. I put the stops in place Gamstop and also got a 14 day trial of Gamban and was feeling good, my debts sorted and could start over... so now how pathetic do I feel...

Firstly I started using sisters acct but to stop me doing that I put gamban on and then what did I go and do, started playing my sisters acct on my work mobile!! I'm potentially in a whole heap of trouble for that and I can't put gamban on that device either... my debts have doubled.  It's my daughter's first birthday in 2 days I've not even bought her a present.  Christmas is around the corner, no idea how I will get through that. My chest been hurting past 2 days literally feel I'm about to have a heart attack I've been sick twice and virtually no sleep...

I haven't been able to ring the helpline every time I try I get so anxious and panicked.  I dont know what to say, where to start... I'm scared to open up and let it all flood out. I dont ask for help,  I never have... but I wanted to today. I wanted to tell my hubby what I've done as its killing me but he's in a bad mood. He's stressed about money (he doesn't know the half of the situation) he is working 7 days a week long days to try and compensate for the 9 months income we lost when I was on mat leave... we need to move we are overcrowded so he is desperately trying to save a deposit and struggling as I seem to always "run out" of money (unfortunately he has no idea no mortgage company would touch me with a barge pole). Still i tried 3 times to start a conversation but I can see he is not in a good place,  i can't bring myself to tip him over. I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I have downloaded the Allen Carr book but am so exhausted finding it hard to take in the words on the pages... I need to find a way to get through the next few days and to not gamble but my situation feels so dire I'm getting an "all or nothing " thought in my head continuously.

Not sure how next couple of days will go but I needed to purge on here...

Quote
Posted : 26th November 2019 8:27 pm
Lonelysoul
(@lonelysoul)

Hi Alkynet

sorry you’re having a really tough time but glad you made it back to the forum to get support. It’s a real kick in the teeth when we slip up but that’s what you need to put it done to, brush yourself down (which may take a few weeks given) but I would really encourage you to call the chat line if you want to talk to someone, I have called them a few times over the years, and I can honestly say it helps just to blurt it all out and speak to someone. 

Bex

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Posted : 26th November 2019 9:37 pm
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