i was a member here a whole life time ago,must be 10 years plus since I posted on here,I’ve done little bits of gambling from time to time,footy bets here and there,and the odd horse bet,I’ve always felt I was controlling the gambling more than it was controlling me.
whenever I felt it was to much,I would just close the account down for 30 days and that would be it,until I felt I could control it again,I haven’t been a destructive gambler for a good while now,but today something changed,now don’t get me wrong I haven’t gambled more than I can afford, but today it was why I gambled,it was to escape,to not think about the pressure I’m under,to not think about the things that have gone wrong in my life over the last few years.
i went through therapy a couple of years back for one thing and another,and one thing that stuck with me,was the little fella trying to get out all the time,the grown up me can say no,but the little fella can say f**k you I can do what I want,and that little fella frightened me,I think I have a lot of issues to sort out,I don’t see gambling as the problem,the not facing up to things,the running away from things,I gamble so I don’t have to deal with things,and then I can play the victim,look at poor me I have a problem,b******s,it’s time to grow up
Hi
I'm sorry to read about your pitfall today mate. The way in which you wrote your post was quite frank and thought provoking...
It's interesting what you say about running away and not dealing with things. Very interesting... You post reads like a person who used gambling as an escape, got lost in it, then wised up and ABSTAINED from deep gambling while you set yourself straight again, during that process it seemed that you used the opportunity to explore the root cause of it all (counselling) but never continued the work on yourself thereafter and never really accepted that this project of ours needs regular care and attention to keep it fresh and healthy - like brushing your teeth - you can get them in good nick but leave them be for extended periods and soon enough they'll need care and attention and problems will emerge...
Once you completed your counselling did you then escape from and run from the rest of the work required ie what I have highlighted above? Are you willing to accept now that this is what needs to be done - no fault of yours of course, we didn't ask to be born with this s**t but it needs constant and regular care and attention from here on in ?
Take care bud
If you could make your life a place that you savour, enjoy and relish - then you'd have no need to escape from it anymore... No need at all... Not even for the 'odd footy bet' or 'odd horse bet'
Because let's face it, you're clearly not gambling at those levels to make or break your bank balance - moreso for temporary relief from whatever bothers you in life?
Address the bother once you work out what it is... You may have to go back in time to make this happen... But there are ways and means to do this nowadays (another round of counselling, therapy etc)
Address the bother mate ?✊?
Thanks for your reply,I’ve spent all day explaining to my loved ones about the things I’ve done,it’s sounds so stupid,it’s anout a hundred quid,so people are thinking there’s no real damage done,but the reasons I’ve gambled is far more important than the amount.
yes i need to deal with my issues,why can’t I say no to the little fella in my head who thinks he can do what he likes
this is not a disease,it’s a choice,we all have choices to make,box 1 or box 2,sometimes saying it’s a disease is an easy way out,makes us all feel better,we can blame something else,I’m 43 years old,been struggling with this for 30 plus years,I’m not blaming nobody no more,we have a choice,I own my problems,they belong to mt
this is not a disease,it’s a choice,we all have choices to make,box 1 or box 2,sometimes saying it’s a disease is an easy way out,makes us all feel better,we can blame something else,I’m 43 years old,been struggling with this for 30 plus years,I’m not blaming nobody no more,we have a choice,I own my problems,they belong to mt
Its a valid take on the situation mate... However not everyone who gambles their brains out has your awareness mate... Some do it without even recognising the little fella up there exists, without that awareness it feels very much like an illness or disease that you have no control over?
yes i need to deal with my issues,why can’t I say no to the little fella in my head who thinks he can do what he likes
I don't want to get too abstract on you but I think the answer is you can't say no to him because you can't speak his language? So you need to learn his language?
To do that you need to learn about him? Where did he come from? When in time did he first appear? Why has he re-emerged recently? When are the trigger points that he rears his ugly head? Who can you find that has also had this problem and managed to deal with it? What can you learn from them?
Etc etc
You recognised the little fella was up there before, then you just shut him out and hoped for the best. It got you so far but he is back now. I'm afraid you'll need to get to know him now then speak to him on a level.
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?
Hope you're catching my drift here...
You seem like the sort of guy that could run for England, but maybe now is the time to stop running and face down your foes.
Everyone gambles for a reason and believe me when I say very few gamble for monetary gain. At some point in your life it turned and you were no longer comfortable in your skin anymore. Go back to that point, make peace then enjoy the life you have minus the gambling.
Good luck my friend, I hope you get to the bottom of this.
Thanks for taking the time to reply,I think when learning to make better choices,we have to push the boundaries a little,Was in chat tonight,and I mentioned that I don’t like the word recovery,and I know everyone is different and I really do appreciate that,now this is for me personally,and my way of thinking might not be for everyone,I personally feel that saying it’s an illness is an easy way out,and to make better choices is hard work,something that takes all your strength,because I tend to make bad choices when I’m low
Have been trying to think when the little fella first raised his ugly head,and to be honest I can go back to when I was a child,I was alway someone who thought they could do what they like,with no consequences,I honestly think I was a child till I hit 40,a child like mentality anyway,I was someone who could get anything he wanted,always managed to find a way,I look back now and see what I was like,and I’m embarrassed
move always been very lucky,not at gambling,I was c**P at that haha,I’ve had a very supportive family,my parents have always helped me financially,maybe to much to be honest,my wife went through hell with me 15 years ago,and stuck with me,so I am blessed,I know that
i suppose the fact I’m back posting on here,told me the cash I lost and the way I lost it,something was wrong,but I made the choice to tell my family and ask them for help,as in taking control of financial stuff,I’ve made the choice to put blocks in place again,so maybe it’s a small victory for grown up me,and a slap to the face to child me
Hi
I use to be a very vulnerable volatile person, I was so unstable my family use to fear me and mistrust me.
Every promise was a waste of time, I could not believe in myself, low self esteem, inadequate insecure inept, sadly I was unable to love other people because I did not love myself, I was unable to respect other people because I did not respect myself.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed. My emotional triggers were my fears not faced.
My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect causing myself pains time and time again.
My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy. My emotional triggers were my feelings of being bored. I can be honest today with out being cruel or adversely affecting other people. I can embrace change towards healthy habits today.
My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.
My unhealthy reactions in anger, resentments, impatience intolerance, jealous, envy, rage, lack of trust, guilt shame regret remorse penance person pleasing vengeance mistrust self worth low self esteem indicate that I am not fully healthy and not at serenity with myself today.
In time I would open up in the recovery program, I would open up to counseling talking about every conscious memory of my past.
The person I feared facing the most was myself.
I use to bury and suppress my pains fears and frustrations, I use to think that by giving therapies I was leaving myself very vulnerable.
With step five I would over come my fears of emotional intimacy, over times my fears reduced and my trusts grew.
Money was never going to buy happiness.
Money was never going to heal my hurt inner child. My control issues were fear based.
My impatience intolerance was an indicator that I was hard and cruel on myself. Was I a victim in my life, yes for sure. Was I a perpetrator in my life, yes for sure. What stopped me from being a victim, it was the ability for to be able to speak up for myself from a place of peace. What stopped me from being a perpetrator, I no longer want to hurt myself or other people in any way today, I no longer want to adversely affect myself or another person today.
My conscience is based up on spiritual values, yet I am a non religious person today.
Our subconscious reaction is a kind of honesty that makes us aware that not is well with in us.
Only by acknowledging this honest unhealthy subconscious reaction can we do some thing about it.
Also in my child hood I had needs wants that were not fulfilled, to be nurtured, to be shown affection and intimacy, to feel protected and also shown healthy ways in my life.
Sadly because of the aggression and confrontation of adults in my child hood they were unable to have close intimacy with me.
Both my parents grew up leaving in fears they did not understand.
Just for today I will not gamble is not about any type of gambling or addiction, just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that means I am not willing to hurt myself or any one else any more, just for today I will not gamble means that just for today I am going to value myself.
The recovery was not going to stop me gambling, that had to be my own conscious choice.
The recovery was going to help me understand each of my emotional triggers.
The healthy people in the recovery program was going to help me and nurture me in to exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits, in my work time, in my want time, and in my family time.
The simple sad fact that when we walk in to the recovery program we have already been survivors, we have already understood by our guilt and remorse we have gone against our own conscience, we have gone against our instincts and said and done things that were very unhealthy to us and to other people.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
That little fella is what is known as the beast in Rational Recovery.
i suppose the fact I’m back posting on here,told me the cash I lost and the way I lost it,something was wrong,but I made the choice to tell my family and ask them for help,as in taking control of financial stuff,I’ve made the choice to put blocks in place again,so maybe it’s a small victory for grown up me,and a slap to the face to child me
Love that mate... Absolutely spot on ✊
Also thanks for posting this ricks, was an interesting read.
(Dave don't click on it - you won't like it!) I'll save you the time mate! ??
Also thanks for posting this ricks, was an interesting read.
(Dave don't click on it - you won't like it!) I'll save you the time mate! ??
Just a cautionary note about that link:
It's a site promoting a recovery model. The site appears to charge on a subscription basis for joining their community and accessing the resources. They state that treatment professionals are not welcome on the site which means that the recovery model isn't going to be subject to any peer review and it isn't clear whether there is any accountability.
If you'd like to post a link on the forum, please email us first at forum.admin@gamcare.org.uk. See our rules and etiquette:
Do not:
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Apologies, although it is a form of recovery which is very critical of the conventional recovery movement and it is not necessary to pay any subscription to make it work for the individual, I should have read your guidelines before posting the link.
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