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Disappointed with myself?


Hi everyone, after a year ended with self exclusion from GAMSTOP I have decided not to further extend as I wanted to by a lottery online which is totally a biggest mistake. I was seeing a few of gambling sites advert on FB then something trigger on my brain.I thought betting £10 it won't hurt just a little bit of fun, I thought I am managing so well and in control as you all know what the story ended... I have relaped 3 times since 2016,and each time I have lossed so much money then I stop for the whole year without thinking of them. I think I have a gamble addiction as I alway live in denial, every time I see buzzing it stimulate my brain with a huge urges inviting me want to play.The amount of money I have lossed purely because I have chased my losses that escalated to a large sum of money. I am now self exclused from all betting websites also extended with GAMSTOP for further 5 years to help me reduce my urges with gambling. Hopefully for the next 5 years, I will be able to think more clearly and evaluate myself why I start gamble at the age of 40? what is make me want to gamble? Hopefully I can find the answer.

Thank you for reading

Topic starter Posted : 4th August 2022 12:52 pm


Once in the recovery program I would understand each time I went back to gambe that I had cetain emotional triggers.

Today I understand my emotional triggers are where my pains not healed, my fears not faced, and my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my feelings of loneliness and boredom.

Why did I last gamble, what was my last emotional trigger and how can I learn from it?

It is not healthy beating our self up time and time again.

I felt that each time I gambled I was a loser, not so it just indicated that I was still emotionaly vulnerable.

So, once we understand each of our emotional triggers and how we deal with them and how do we understand more about our self and our unhealthy reactions.

People helping me out giving me money just prolonged the pains I was causing myself and my family.

Once I abstained from my addictions and obsessions I would exchane unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

I was white knuckling my recovery by sitting on my hands doing nothing.

Boredom was one of emotional triggers, so once I abstain it was very important to become more productive.

I am not a loner today.

I am a more self sufficient person.

I am at this time in Las Vegas and  am attracted to gambling.

Often I will see people gamble here and understand it is a complete waste of time and energy being sellf absusive giving all your time and energy away and causing your self self abuse and pains.

I have no issues with any one wants to gamble, sadly often peopledo not understand it is only a way you do not escape from healing your pains of the hurt inner child in you. 

Today is my last day here, my time ahs been healthy, I am with my wife who I am bale to embrace and love more than ever before in my life.

I am more self sufficient in my life today.

I am healing my hurt inner chikd today.

In my recovery the only person I needed to face was myself.

Just for today I will not gamble is baby steps.

Only once I abstain from unhealthy habits could the healing process start.

Saying I was fine or not so bad was a lie to myself.

I have wasted far to much of my life to unhealthy habits the time came to quit self abusing mysef and my family.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham


Posted : 5th August 2022 11:31 am
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