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Debts outweigh my income, gambling making things even worse - again  

 
daybyday
(@daybyday)

Combining my rent, general cost of living, and payday loan debt, I’ll have -£240 left each month (yes, negative 240 lol) I’m really finished this time. If there’s one positive, I just self excluded for 5 years. I manually self excluded from all the sites I’m signed up with and then I self excluded with GAMSTOP. Doing that before I made a post was key because I never usually do that, I always ask about it, hum and h*r and then gamble away. I’m in an absolute mess, any advice on how to give this up for good? I’ve already taken the first few steps, I have stopped gambling 3 times before for a combined of like 8 months, and each time I always feel emotionless before it begins, this time is no different. I just don’t care anymore. How do I stay sane through this? I’m a 20 year old in £1000’s of payday loan debt, bank balance is currently £21 away from maxing my overdraft, I have £700 in credit card debt, I’m not paid for 3 weeks and to top things off, I’m working in a supermarket during this awful pandemic. I might not feel alive, but at least I am.

love to all x

Quote
Posted : 22nd March 2020 11:16 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi

Look I understand but as you have seen Gambling is not the answer and just makes things far worse.

You are allowed a living allowance before anybody can claim debt so you just cant let all that make you ill. Bankruptcy is a safety valve to protect your mental health. Your state of mind is actually far more important You can get financial advice and people will help you. Ive been bankrupt and there is life after a debt relief order believe me...its a fresh start in many ways

I dont have a massive amount to spend on myself. I do without certain things like many people so you are not alone facing the general cost of living which I agree has been getting crazy for a long time.

However I say again that gambling is not a top up your wages scheme. The gambling dens want the money you have because they dont want to get out there and do a hard days work

If you stop gambling it does get better. What can I say to you. Get your emotions out to your loved ones. Tell someone close about your gambling

Its a drug addiction of escape. You know its not an income scheme and you know the misery its caused you.

Phone gamcare again...use the forum and keep talking about it.

Its easy to say to you look at what you have and the simple pleasures in life. I know its easy and seems twee to say that but you have to think like that otherwise you will sink into despair.

You have to focus your thoughts. Blocking yourself is a great step but it would be best if you had family monitoring and someone helping control your money. As I said there is financial advice and you creditors may be forced to accept £1 a month until you are stable and healthy in the mind

 You will get tried and trusted advice here.

I know its tough in a gig MW economy. I live it but the answers are within you to live within your means, seek new opportunities and get something out of life

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

 

 

 

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd March 2020 12:47 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello @daybyday,

Sorry to hear about your situation, but there's lots of support available, and you've started taking the steps you need to make real change in your life. 

I strongly encourage you to get in touch with a debt advice charity, who can help to make your debt more manageable, there are a few of these, have a look at their websites before you call because quite often they ask for you to have the information they need in front of you when you call:
www.stepchange.org
www.nationaldebtline.org
www.payplan.com

It would also be a great idea for you to get in touch with our advisers, either on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or on the Netline (our live online chat www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now). They will listen non-judgmentally to your situation and offer support and advice tailored to you. They can also tell you about free treatment options and make a referral if you would like. 

Warm regards,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd March 2020 6:00 am
Givemethebuzz
(@givemethebuzz)

at 20  i would highly recommend you look at some form of bankruptcy / insolvency 

reading your post most of your debt seems to be unsecured so perhaps something like an IVA would be good for you especially as you dont have a mortgage

you basically agree to pay a fixed amount each month based on your financial status and as a result around 60% of your debt can be written off it lasts for 5 years but then you are completely debt free

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd March 2020 11:28 am
Markman
(@markman)

I have also been through what you are going through and bankruptcy is not necessarily the right option for you.

Speak to Payplan or Stepchange. Be entirely honest about how you got yourself into this mess. They will be sympathetic and give you the best possible advice. They are charitable and will not judge you.

You might think that the weight of the world is on your  shoulders but you are young and have so much time to get over this.

Getting financially steady is one thing. Actually recovering is a completely separate matter. Be honest with yourself and those around you and you will be surprised at the support you receive.

Well done for putting blocks in place. Gamstop is a great start. Also register with national self exclusion to reduce the risk of your gambling in shops. If you can entrust someone else with your money all the better.

Lastly please take pride in the courage of your admission and the massive step you have taken towards recovery. Regard each passing day that you manage to go gamble free as a victory and reward yourself often with the pay rise that you have given yourself.

You can turn this in to a bad dream if you believe and persevere.

Good luck. You are young and can do this!

Markman

 

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Markman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd March 2020 11:50 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

In my recovery it was my choice to not gamble today.

For me to gamble today it simply makes things much worse.

For me to gamble would be an emotional trigger.

In time I focused on not only not gambling but seeing an end to the pains I was causing myself.

Once I was able to give up completely thinking of gambling to no longer dwell on money lost.

My therapies would help me open up more and no longer hide in a facade behind my walls of fears.

In time I would be able to heal,  I would also be able to articulate what my feelings and my emotions were.

As I  shared more and more about myself I would be able to heal from the pains of my past.

I did not give much thought to the words recovery, now I understand that healing could only happen once I was able to emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards gambling.

Today I understand that my addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations I could not cope with.

As a child I was a victim in so many ways, the rage in me exposed the unhealthy pains I was burying and suppressing.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a victim could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that I was a perpetrator could I do some thing about it.

Only when I admitted to myself that that my addictions and my obsessions were unhealthy for me.

Why did I have anger towards the gambling establishments they never hurt me, I hurt myself, 

they never hurt my family, I hurt my family.

I use to justify lying and cheating, I use to justify giving my hard earned money away.

I use to think that if I won lots of money it would make up for all the pains and suffering I had caused.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

I do understand my wants or needs today, I write thing down to keep clear about my new path in life today.

My addictions and obsessions indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was, my addictions and obsessions were often fear based issues.

Just by abstaining only I was not healing my hurt inner child.

Yet by me abstaining from all unhealthy habits the healing process would start for my hurt inner child.

Before my recovery I was living in so many fears yet would not admit them to myself.

The healthy people in the recovery rooms would encourage me to come out of myself, with the reductions of  my fears trust would come in to my life.

I would move from feeling such in an inept inadequate fear filled insure person to gain faith hope in myself.

The consequences of working my recovery would be a healthy motivation in my needs, my wants and my goals.

Instead of living in the pains of my past I would live heal from my pains and live my life to the full today.

Just for today I will not gamble means I start to value myself and I have the choice to live a healthy productive day today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

 

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Posted : 24th March 2020 2:31 pm
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