Well this week I've been thinking about how my life was a year ago. I made a decision to join up. Yes it was a good decision I think Ive had about 5/6 "slip ups" my biggest being today! Why did it I do it!!!! I'm my own worst bloody enimy. Im sick of making broken promises to my partner. I love him so much and if I had to choose id choose him and my family everytime. So why can't I stop. I feel all the usual elements of guilty and shame. My last slip up was last week, and again today. It's come down to choosing between the two I just feel so weak and pathetic. I really wish this was day 360! I feel so incredibly sad.
It got to this time last year, and I was gambling like you, I thought to myself I can either continue to gamble and the year is I write of as well as start of next year.... Or I can stop at probably the hardest time of the year and make some progress. I stopped 2nd December 2019 and haven't gambled since.... Its been tough but every time I consider gambling I stop and think to myself how far I've come and the consequences....eg those low points after a loss and the stress levels we get.... I hope u join me and on new years in a few months we can chat in chatroom and raise a glass to a successful year....the year we gave up losing....
@spendlikewater84 on the 1st August this year you said why you had managed to relapse then and apparently closed the avenues that time. In fact you wrote "lesson learnt".
What happened this time and when does it become about you having enough rather than just closing gambling avenues?
If you go down the route of finding a way to gamble, maybe today, right now, would be a good time to think to yourself "how could I gamble?" If you know you could why not close those avenues off? If you can't close them off why not give over your money so you don't have access? If you can't do that why not talk to the Gamcare advisers or try GA meetings?
The reason for asking you all this is now is because this is probably the strongest time for you to do things you probably don't want to do. If you leave it a few days the pain goes and you get complacent again. I know because that was me.
Don't get to my level, do something about it today.
I echo what Chris said. A slip up can be very useful in your road to recovery if you use it to reflect on the current strategies you have in place. There is no question about your intention to stop gambling but when the urges come and they are so strong, usually rational thinking goes out the window. That is why blocks should be in place to make it impossible or at least very difficult for you to gamble even in such times. How did you manage to gamble this time and how can you prevent a similar thing from happening again in the future?
My best wishes to you in your journey and I hope you are getting the right support that you need.