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Coming to terms with the losses  

 
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

It's been a few days since I posted and am still feeling as pitifully pathetic as I was then... I am really struggling to accept how much money I've effectively P***ed in to the wind. I'm sat here in dire need of some household items and my kids need a few things and I can't provide it because l have blown the money... its killing me. I find its times like this I'm most vulnerable to gambling as I just want to get the money back but I know I can't do that now I've created so much debt already it has to end. It's the fact my kids now have to go without that makes me despise myself and Christmas is around the corner I dont know what I'm going to do... if I see one more gambling site advert I might just implode! They shouldn't be allowed to show them. 

 

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Posted : 30th November 2019 7:03 pm
Cliffords-had-enough
(@cliffords-had-enough)

That is how you get hooked and stay hooked....

Gambling to win back money lost...

Then borrowing to win back the money you lost gambling to win back the money you lost...

Sound familiar?

You must break the cycle... even if it means a year or longer with no spare money at all...

My late father used to tell me as a kid about the 'Ooslum Bird'

They became extinct because they flew around in ever decreasing circles...

until they disappeared up their own bottoms!

That is what happens to gambling addicts too...

Keep fighting...

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Posted : 30th November 2019 8:19 pm
Cliffords-had-enough
(@cliffords-had-enough)

That is how you get hooked and stay hooked....

Gambling to win back money lost...

Then borrowing to win back the money you lost gambling to win back the money you lost...

Sound familiar?

You must break the cycle... even if it means a year or longer with no spare money at all...

My late father used to tell me as a kid about the 'Ooslum Bird'

They became extinct because they flew around in ever decreasing circles...

until they disappeared up their own bottoms!

That is what happens to gambling addicts too...

Keep fighting...

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Posted : 30th November 2019 8:19 pm
Friedkin
(@friedkin)

It depends WHY you gamble, I guess. If you're gambling because you like a buzz because you're bored in your life being a 'mummy' etc then I agree with your post that you SHOULD feel ashamed of yourself!

"Ashamed" as a heavy judgemental word that might smack your brain into touch as to why a stranger on the internet is thinking you are a terrible parent!

If, however, you are gambling as a symptom of a deeper mental illness, a compulsion, an emotional pain that you can't face so you revert to your "comfort zone/safe space" of betting, then fair enough. 

Realise which is which.

Do something about it!

Get medication from your GP. Get a loan from your bank to seek private therapy.

If, however, you want to keep coming on here saying "oh I've done it again, boo-hoo!" then fair enough too - you'll find people to indulge you, but it ain't me.

To heal yourself, you have to take responsibility for your actions. I find it disgusting there may be some children who will go without the magic of £20 worth of Christmas morning stockings, and the paying-forward years of adult trauma it will give them; because their parent has spunked £2000 online and will still bleat on here expecting some sort of sympathy?

Sorry for sounding brutal, I hope this is a wake-up call.

Friedkin x

This post was modified 5 days ago by Friedkin
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Posted : 30th November 2019 8:20 pm
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

I definitely recognize the cycle I am stuck in but seem to have many 'day 1's' where I start my gf journey but yet I always end up back here. Its tiring and frustrating that I can get to a point of gf for a good while and then somehow my illogical,  reckless brain convinces or silences my rational sensible brain in to "just one quick go" and it is at that point I need the biggest intervention because once I've made a deposit I'm pretty much sinking. .. I need to tackle the thoughts I think because where there is a will theres a way...

 

But for now I need to try and accept the money is lost and gone and focus on the future,  but that is what I am struggling with...

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Posted : 30th November 2019 10:38 pm
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

I'm really not sure WHY I gamble. I have mental health issues yes, but that is not an excuse.  I dont get a buzz from gambling anymore that ended years ago. I think I tend to do it more when stressful events occur and I use it as a kind of escape from my thoughts and the situation. Either way it doesn't matter because I do it and I can't afford to do it. And yes I know I just need to stop doing it and that is what I have tried again and again and will continue to try but if it was that easy I guess there wouldn't be so many lives destroyed by it.

I dont look for, nor want any sympathy from anyone for the situations I get myself in to. That is not why I am here. I am here because it is a 'safe' space to share my thoughts with people who can relate and read others experiences that I can relate to also. This isn't a topic I can discuss freely with work colleagues or friends and definitely not with family. This addiction like many others comes with heaps of shame and guilt and I'm no exception in feeling  that, I know what I have lost and hence why I wrote this post because I am still trying to get my head around how stupid I could be and how my children will miss out on things now. (To be clear Christmas will not be cancelled for my kids they will just be getting less than I had planned,  they will know no different. I do go "all out" at Christmas usually.) 

 

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Posted : 30th November 2019 10:55 pm
klamm
(@klamm)

i know what u mean by having multiple day 1s. staying gf for long time has been illusive to me too. best so far was going to ga meetings . it gave me real ppl i was accountable in front of. really worked. also it is a behavioural addiction and by physically going to meetings u prove to yourself by your behaviour if u like that u have changed . actions speak ...

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Posted : 1st December 2019 2:08 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Please Alkynat youve got to let it go because thats part of the hook.

When your mind has healed with a proper recovery there is other money and you can build a rainy day fund.

That gambling money has gone because as hard as it is to accept thats what you did with it... handed it over on those odds. Thats what we all did with it...you are not alone with this addiction. It affected me and countless others. I cant believe it was actually me now

You need to focus on that with a calmness and serenity that you are in recovery. You have to start from square one telling people with honesty and openness..

Its NOT a get it back later scheme! Its NOT a get it back in small amounts scheme. Its NOT reliable in any way...thats why its called gambling. 

Once addicted its a drug addiction....One quick go means nothing because I had no control and it was always more than one quick go until all control was out the window.

You think its your lucky day on those odds do you? You are just another punter making the gambling dens rich.

Gambling kills people. If you stop now you can think about yourself positively. You are already a winner in so many ways. Gambling is not a way out of poverty for 99.99%of us. I wasnt even playing for amounts that would have changed anything. I put it all back in because the addiction was about playing.

You dont need it in your life but youve got to do the cold turkey and have someone control your cash. You can stop this when you do whats needed to fight it.

Youve got top think it was only money or it will eat you up inside. Use any thought process. Some gamblers have blown millions with this addiction so its not all about the money.

You are still with us which is the important part...the money has gone which is far far less important

The KLF foundation burnt a million quid on a bonfire as an art project. I deal with footballers who spend more than my life savings in one night. Life isnt fair but I deal with it. 

What would you spend for a flask of water in the desert...everything you have........ so you need to focus on whats positive in your life.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 4 days ago by Joydivider
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Posted : 1st December 2019 9:51 am
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

Thanks guys, that has been my stumbling block, accepting that money is gone, done, finished,  wasted etc. I am starting to accept that now and I can see it isn't actually a devastating amount of money either if I buckle up fo a few months I'll be back in the clear so I've got to do this otherwise the money will become a devastating amount.

I have started by drawing up a budget for my next 5 payday and if I stick to it I'm out of the R*d. Seeing it written down like that has put some perspective on it and it definitely seems fixable. 

 

Onwards and upwards and on the plus side I am 3 days gf today

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Posted : 1st December 2019 12:34 pm
Paper1
(@paper1)

Just reporting on my massive relapse last weekend, i blew all my money and gambled loads on my credit card( which i should not even have as i maxed that out). So had no money at all, rationing my food, managed to get petrol, luckily all my utility bills got paid before my relapse, not been out at all, not had a drink, and have stopped smoking as i cant afford it, i thought i would be really misreable, but since the last 10 days, i have a clear head and been able to make plans on how to pay my debt off, which i will start after xmas, i just thought if i had lived the last ten days not spending any money, how much i could save if i never gambled. This has given me motivation to stop forever gambling. Sometimes when i have a few beers, gambling can be worse, but not missed drinking and i seem to feel positive now, even though in a dark place, like to wish everyone thanks for your posts and a merry christmas

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Posted : 1st December 2019 4:53 pm
Paper1
(@paper1)

Just reporting on my massive relapse last weekend, i blew all my money and gambled loads on my credit card( which i should not even have as i maxed that out). So had no money at all, rationing my food, managed to get petrol, luckily all my utility bills got paid before my relapse, not been out at all, not had a drink, and have stopped smoking as i cant afford it, i thought i would be really misreable, but since the last 10 days, i have a clear head and been able to make plans on how to pay my debt off, which i will start after xmas, i just thought if i had lived the last ten days not spending any money, how much i could save if i never gambled. This has given me motivation to stop forever gambling. Sometimes when i have a few beers, gambling can be worse, but not missed drinking and i seem to feel positive now, even though in a dark place, like to wish everyone thanks for your posts and a merry christmas

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Posted : 1st December 2019 4:54 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Thats good. I promise you that it gets better when the gambling stops. I promise you that.

You gain a new relationship with life and with money. Things build faster than you think and your aim is the pride in building a rainy day fund so you are never short.

You are alive and your kids are healthy. The focus simply has to be firmly on that and money doesnt really matter in the greater picture.

Budget, dont have certain things just at the moment and get some financial advice. There is an immense pride in watching it all come together for a stable life.

Ive been a credit controller and nobody is going to make you pay anything you cant afford. If anything they want to help you, the CAB can advise you and you must not worry yourself . 

Dont plan too far ahead and it has  to be a budget plan you can stick to. I found that half the things I thought I needed never made me happy anyway. More importantly I found when the time was right to buy bigger items and thats a good feeling.

We cant have it all and thats fine with me. Being gamble free gives me control of my life back and a real peace of mind

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 4 days ago by Joydivider
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Posted : 1st December 2019 4:55 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

My dad once told me if you are in a hole stop digging.

i once sat in front of a payday lender, who refused me a loan , she was 25 year old and told me the only way to get out of this debt is to stop gambling, simple.

i never took her advice and regret it to this day, you NEVER EVER WIN gambling, it’s brutal, it’s dirty, it’s disgusting, it’s filthy, it’s damaging.

you win one or two days but greed makes you think you are unbeatable, then bang, the big loss, sound familar? Been there a hundred times, good luck.

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Posted : 1st December 2019 8:57 pm
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